Runaway

“Cheers!”

The sound of glass clinking together filled the atmosphere. Soodam pulled her shot glass to her lips first and chugged it, releasing an exhale as the soju scorched her throat. Her friends, Denise and Dita, followed suit.

“I have to admit, when you called us for drinks, I thought you were already drunk,” said Dita.

“True,” agreed Denise. “That, or your phone was stolen.”

Soodam only giggled.

It wasn’t common that Soodam would initiate a night of drinking. It’s not that she didn’t drink, but rather, that it takes a lot more convincing to get her to go out to public places.

“I just felt like I really needed a girls’ night out. It’s been a while since we had one,” said Soodam innocently.

“But Danbam of all places? I questioned your sanity,” joked Denise.

Ah, Danbam. Notorious for its appearance in a Kdrama earlier in the year, Danbam had become a popular place for gatherings. That wasn’t the only reason. It also had great service and food and offered an open-space for anything you could think of.

It wasn’t Soodam’s style because of its huge popularity which led to crowded lobbies and tables, but it offered one thing above all else: an escape.

An escape from worries. An escape from the harsh reality that’s become of her life. Something she needed more than anything else.

With a drink in one hand and her friends around her, she felt a sense of relief. Everyone was having a good time and she wouldn’t have to worry about you at all. Just her, her friends, alcohol, and…

“Soodam!”

Soodam jumped in her seat. “Huh? What?”

Dita rolled her eyes. “I said how are things with you and (Y/n) going?”

Great…

Soodam hesitated.

“What do you mean?” she managed to stutter.

“Well, he’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?” asked Dita.

“ I’m pretty sure if they weren’t, we would’ve known centuries ago,” said Denise. She looked at Soodam. “Right?”

“R-right,” said Soodam, nervously.

At least she was supposed to. Within the few days that followed after the breakup, she planned to tell them, but she could never work it up. Just the mere thought of it makes her voice crack and her eyes red with tears. Eventually, she figured unless the time called, she would keep it under wraps.

Soodam took another shot.

In the time that followed, she’d taken a few more. By the next hour, she had reached her limit. Fumbling over words and missing her mouth completely when attempting to drink more, she no longer could operate by normal means. She was completely intoxicated.

“Maybe we should have stopped her at around five,” said Denise, watching Soodam invest her undivided attention into her fingernails.

“Agreed,” said Dita.

“I have so many fingers!” cheered Soodam. She giggled hysterically.

Soodam was the walking definition of a lightweight drinker. With her small stature, she could barely hold her alcohol. Although she got lucky tonight, it was only a matter of time before she would hit her limit.

Ding

The bell signaling a new customer rang and filled the now nearly empty restaurant. That new customer was you. Standing in front of the entrance, you sported a simple black t-shirt and camouflage cargo pants and black boots.

You wore a big smile as you walked to the cashier. He eyed you up and down and grinned at you.

“About that time, eh?” he asked.

You chuckled. “How’re things, Uncle? ”

Your “uncle,” or known by everyone else as Mr. Kang, and you go way back. He and your dad were best friends. In a sense, you felt like he was your uncle. Of course, calling him ‘Uncle” every time wouldn’t get you free meals, but you knew he would help you out if you ever needed it.

“Things are good. There’s a group of girls over yonder who’s been keeping me well entertained,” said Mr. Kang.

He pointed at something behind you, presumably the group he mentioned.

You followed his direction and there you saw Denise and Dita. Another sat with her back facing you, but there was no doubt that it was the last of the trio; Lee Soodam, your ex.

You haven’t spoken to any of them since the break up. You thought it would have been too awkward to talk to any of them, so you avoided it. But it had been two weeks since then, so why not check in on everyone?

You bid your uncle farewell and walked over to the table. Denise locked eyes with you first and a smile appeared on her face.

“Hey (Y/n)!” she said with a high enough pitch to cause you to flinch.

“Woah, battle-ready, aren’t ya?” said Dita, eyeing you like your uncle earlier.

“It’s nothing, really,” you said, brushing her question off.

“No matter. Have a seat!” said Denise.

She pointed at the seat next to Soodam. You were reluctant to do so at first. It’s been a while since you’ve seen her, but you figured that it wouldn’t hurt. Besides, you were all responsible adults.

As soon as you sat down, you erased “responsible” from that earlier thought.

From your position, you could see just how drunk Soodam was. Her eyes were struggling to stay open and she was drooling. Typical drunkie.

A smile grew on her lips and she burrowed her head into your chest.

“What’re you doing here, (Y/n)?” she slurred incoherently. “It’s girl’s night. No boys allowed.”

You looked at the other two who simply shrugged.

“Your girlfriend’s had a bit too much to drink,” said Dita.

“Girlfriend?” you said, a bit of intentional doubt in your voice.

You looked at Soodam once again. Her eyes were fully closed as she purred happily beside you.

That’s when you realize it. She never told them.

You were shocked, honestly. After the breakup, you thought they would be the first people she would tell. I mean, you told your friends the night it happened, why wouldn’t she tell them?

Then you took a look at the bigger picture. Here she was with her best friends, drunk, barely able to focus. You knew Soodam didn’t drink often, less than most people anyways. Which only left out one possibility. Drowning her feelings in the alcohol. And who better to do it with than the people who were there for her since college.

So, you devised a plan.

“I mean…” you pulled Soodam into a tight one-sided embrace. “...yeah, she’s my drunk, lightweight girlfriend.”

You attempted a laugh, but all it got were some funny looks from the girls.

“Right,” Dita drawled. Seems like the alcohol was starting to get to her as well.

You continued to play your part as the boyfriend, gradually getting better as the night dragged on. Though you’d rather not be in the position to begin with, you did it for Soodam’s sake.

Eventually, the girl’s prepared themselves to leave, and you got the unfortunate task of taking Soodam home. It made sense. You were her boyfriend, after all.

“We’ll trust that you’d get her home and tuck her in for us, right?” said Dita. Her voice dropped into a stern tone, like a mother would to a child.

You hummed and smiled. “You can count on me.”

You picked up Soodam, allowing her to rest her head in the crook of your neck. Before you were allowed to leave, Denise grabbed you. Her eyes were innocent but they had a look of worry behind them.

“(Y/n), I know you tend to be busy, but please check on Soodam often,” she said to you, softly. “She’s been acting a bit off.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, acting as if you’ve never noticed.

Denise allowed her gaze to fall onto Soodam. “ She doesn’t seem as optimistic as she used to and she seems distant. Today was the first time in two weeks that we’ve met up.”

“We were going to talk to her about it,” insert Dita, “ but as you can see…” She referenced the table full of empty bottles.

“So, will you?” asked Denise.

“For sure,” you replied.

“Promise me!” She took out her right pinky towards you. “Promise me that no matter what, you won’t hurt her and leave her side.”

You stared at it for a bit. You couldn’t uphold this promise. The two of you were no more, and truth be told, the damage was already done.

But you couldn’t be the one to tell her otherwise. Not Denise. That would be Soodam’s job when she’s sober.

Hesitantly, you latched your pinky onto hers. “I promise, Denise.”

Everyone departed. You sat Soodam in your passenger seat, but before you closed the door, you looked at her. If only you didn’t. The moment your eyes landed on her innocent, child-like expression, you were hit by a flood of memories. Everything that you and her made in 3 years; the messages, the first kiss, everything, it all came in your mind.

It took strength to break your gaze away and repress those memories.

You sighed.

“What am I gonna do with you?” you mumbled.

You closed the door and got to your side. Starting the engine, you head to your destination, Soodam’s apartment.

The ride was quiet, except for Soodam’s light snore. You made sure to avoid turning on the radio to not disturb her.

You hadn’t been to her apartment since even before the breakup. It has been a place for the majority of your meetings. It was the place where you shared your first date when it rained nonstop and you were stuck watching a movie. Looking at it now, just may trigger more thoughts than you may have wanted it to.

You arrived at Soodam’s apartment complex. You were careful to pick her up gently and carry her to the entrance. The only obstacle now that stood before you and her apartment was the keypad.

Back then, the code was the date you confessed to her in the past. Only four digits so only the month and the year was used, January 2018. But after such a long while, what could she have possibly changed it to?

You gave her a quick glance. She still appeared out of it, so you went with your plan B.

You tried different combinations: her birthday, her mom’s birthday, the date of high school graduation, you even tried her favorite actress, Suzy, but nothing worked.

“What could it be?” you asked yourself.

Those would have been giveaways in any normal instance, but then again, so would telling your best friends about your breakup.

Wait.

Your finger froze above the keypad. That gave you an idea.

You quickly typed in the numbers “0118,” and three oddly-satisfying beeps followed along with the sound of the unlocking door.

“Why didn’t she change it?” you asked yourself.

You pushed your way inside and turned on the light. Everything looked the same way as it used to: the couple photos, the stuffed animals that you won for her, everything. You didn’t really expect a significant change in scenery, but surely something must have changed.

After walking through the remainder of the apartment, you noticed nothing has changed at all. The home was clean, but nothing changed. Though it didn’t matter, you needed this to be an in-and-out mission. So you made your way to her bedroom.

After she was laid out, you released a sigh of relief. “How did I get caught up in this mess?”

Once again, you expected no answer, but you were startled when Soodam slowly turned and faced you. Even in the dark room, her eyes glistened like stars in the night sky. So much for in-and-out.

You sat down beside her and managed to smile.

“Hi there,” you greeted her.

“Hi,” she sighed. Her voice was a bit hoarse.

“You must’ve enjoyed yourself a bit t-“

“Why?” she interrupted.

“Why what?” you returned.

“I may have been barely conscious, but I know that you kept us a secret from them.”

Your smile faded as you looked at the floor. “I did it for your sake.”

“For the sake of what? You could’ve easily escaped and left, but you-”

“Played the part of your boyfriend for the first time to continue the secret that never should’ve been?” you finished. “Believe me, it wasn’t something I wanted to do. Especially breaking a promise.”

“What do you mean?” she asked. She managed to raise herself up.

You thought of your promise to Denise and how she’d never forgive you once she found out you lied. She wasn’t the forgiving type in those situations. You’d have a price to pay when you returned from your mission.

“It’s nothing. Just get some rest.” You answered her, your tone dropping back down into a neutral one.

Soodam scoffed. “How long will you keep me in the dark about these things? You won’t tell me the reason why you left me that night. Why can’t I know what’s going on with you!”

“Soodam…”

“I want to know why,” she pressed. “Why didn’t you just leave me like that night, huh?”

“It’s not that simple, Dami,” you managed to get out.

Dami. You haven’t called her that in a long time. It was the nickname you gave her. Either that or “Soo-Soo”, which sounded more like a child’s toy if anything. It fit her overall cute and bubbly personality, you thought.

“Then what is it, (Y/n)?” she demanded.

Your eyes met hers. Hers were watery, filled with tears threatening to roll down. Not only that, they were red and beginning to become puffy. Either you or the alcohol could be to blame, though both were likely correct.

“You said the same thing to me before, ‘it’s not easy to explain, Dami,’ but that’s not it, is it?” She continued to press you. “Instead, it’s probably as easy to say it than to say goodbye.”

As angry as she sounded, her facial expression showed something else. Behind it all hid a broken heart. A broken heart that you caused.

“If you didn’t love me anymore, you could’ve just told me you didn’t. Instead…” She choked up and the tears she fought back were streaming down her cheeks. “Instead, you kept pushing me back and left me with no explanation. It hurt, (Y/n). It hurt a lot.”

She took a deep breath as if preparing to say something else but you stopped her with a kiss. Soodam wasn’t wrong. You could have told her the things that were happening in your world. The things that you wanted to protect her from by keeping her ignorant. But for what?

What would it cause if she knew the truth? Soodam was strong. She was stronger than you could ever be in your opinion. In fact, the reason why you never told her the truth was because you were afraid. And you still were. Afraid of losing yourself without her. Afraid to forget everything you had. Not only that, but now you’d be breaking your promise to Denise.

Your heart panged with guilt as a stream of your tears flooded onto your cheeks. Truth be told, you needed the kiss more than anything else. It strengthened you in getting through the things that happened next.

You pulled away and caressed her cheek with your hand. She leaned into it.

“You’re wrong, Dami,” you began,” I never stopped loving you.”

In a mix of sniffles, she said with a sense of joy, “Then, if you never stopped loving me, don’t leave me. Stay with me again. We can just love each other like we used to.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t stay,” you said. “I have to go.”

“But…”

With the strength from your kiss, you managed to pull yourself away from her. You made your way to the door of the apartment.

“Why not?” You heard her say, but you kept pushing forward.

Every step you took towards the exit, you felt yourself becoming weaker. The effects of the kiss were wearing off like a sugar high. Not only that, but your energy itself was depleting like you were pulling against a chain.

“You can do it, (Y/n),” you found yourself muttering.

You took a hold of the doorknob.

“(Y/n)!” Soodam’s anger managed to rise back into her voice. She stilled sobbed but otherwise sounded the same as she did earlier. “If you walk out that door, don’t bother coming back to me. I won’t wait for you again!”

You stopped. You didn’t dare to turn around. Looking at her would only destroy you. But, you needed to go. Now.

“I hope, someday, I’ll work up the courage to see you again.” That was all you could say before opening the door and entering the coldness of the night.

You closed the door behind you but stayed behind for a bit. Inside you could hear something being thrown at the door and Soodam crying audibly. You fought back your own tears and returned to your car.

Sitting in the driver’s seat, you placed your hands and head on the steering wheel. You knew for yourself, you’ll be gone for a while doing what your gender demanded you to do. To protect the land from which you came.

You started the car and took one more look at the apartment.

“I’m sorry, Dami. I have to do this. I have to run away.”

You pressed on the gas and disappeared into the night.

The End