Routines

The older you become the more you like your routines. I know that I do. To have goals to tick off each day and that can be flexibility assigned to the best times of the day. This is what moves you forward and continues to help you smile, but there are points when you get frustrated.

Those days when nothing seems to go right. When you turn up to work and put your best smile on, yet, whatever you touch just seems to fizzle before your eyes. You have little to no success and all you consider is why…why have I shown up today when I could have slept in?

Today was one of those days when all I wanted to do was come in and deliver multiple campaigns, social media threads and push forward with the development of a media pack but what did I get done? Nothing. Just a complete day of apathy, swimming around in circles.

The end of the day just arrived and I felt like, what happened? How am I at this point in the day? All I wanted to do was tick off these objectives and yet I’ve been brought into all of these discussions that have literally ended nowhere.

This then bled into the rest of the day when I forgot to call my Mum, had an unhappy run with my wife and was rather frustrated as I dropped the shopping at the door. It was just annoying from start to finish and now I am here, writing these 1,000 words to tick off my final objective as that is what you understand as you get older.

Sometimes you simply have those days in which everything you touch turns to ash. Where a simple day turns into the most frustrating of days as you had a plan, then that plan changes, you add another plan and that fails also to the point where the only salvation is the bottle. The bottle here is a metaphor for a crutch. Something to lean on and treat yourself, which for me was a bunch of cookies. Very tasty cookies but cookies nonetheless.

A few years ago I may have crumbled like a cookie. Let myself go and just said screw it to the world but the older you get, the more you realise that it is better to do something than nothing. To waste time is the ultimate sin in life and with my goals of becoming a writer and learning another language I need to keep pushing each and every day.

I am 34 years of age and in another 34 years, I should be retired. If I am not retired by this point in life then I worry but with the state of the world as it is, then this could be a real possibility. If I do not focus every single day then I could end up with no savings and the need to continue working at a time when I should be considering putting my feet up.

It is frustrating when you have those days but the older you get the more you can look at the bigger picture and the future. Looking at what the next ten years will look like and how you will get there. This is what being a grown-up is all about. The consideration that you don’t always get a second chance. You sometimes have to take responsibility for your actions.

We all make mistakes and I have made many of them. I intend to make many more of them as that is something that defines us. Taking a chance and sticking up for our choices. This is what life is, it is a window into our souls and how we deal with failure is every bit as important as how we deal with life itself.

If life was a colour then it would be grey because there are so many shades of it. You wake up each day and different facts or situations can skew how your day will progress. This is the truth of life and what I will be passing on to my children that each and every day can change. You need to make the most of each moment as you have no idea what tomorrow will look like or when your time will be up.

You have no idea when your clock will be up and you need to check out for good. At that point do you want to look back and wonder why you sat and did nothing when you had the chance? Why you did not use every spare moment in order to push forward with your dreams? This is what I consider each and every day of my life, what could happen and how will I feel in that moment if I die without achieving?

The other side of this is what if I die broke? What if I never pay my debts back and end up leaving this world with less than what I brought in? What if I leave it to my wife to pay back what I cannot or this is left to my children, leaving them with nothing but a sad memory of a father who could never provide for them? What if?

I have bad days such as today and whilst it was not the worst day, it was still a difficult day and a frustrating day. Days like this are annoying and with all of this in mind, I am mostly annoyed about how much of a waste it feels. The fact that as I am writing this at 10pm I am considering what else I could be doing rather than pouring my heart and soul into these words. What else could I be doing with my wife?

Today was frustrating but as I close my eyes for sleep I will be looking forward to one thing and knowing that tomorrow will be a better day.