Resurrection

Life’s devastation and the last hope for resurrection. After years of searching for a wife that would accept his naturist lifestyle, someone who would understand how he’d been freed from body shame through the practice of social nudity, the woman he found turned against him.

Aidan arrived home from the Naturist Festival in Moravia, NY. He was glad to have had such a wonderful companion for the two-day road trip. Megan was a fourth year Art Student in the figure drawing class at the University where Aidan had modeled for thirteen years. He met her wonderful family in the Catskills, living free and in communion with the natural world. He was able to introduce them to the Naturist lifestyle and to his friends at Empire Gardens.

Still, it was good to be home – even if for a short time. The trip had not changed his plans to drive north to end his life.

Aidan called his best friend.

The phone rang just once before Will’s answering machine came on.

“This is Aidan,” he began. “I’m sorry to call so late but just got in. I was hoping to talk to you further about my problems. I’m heading up to Bayfield in the morning. Listen Will……you’ve always been a good friend. Take good care of yourself.”

Grabbing the bag of herbs off his dresser, Aidan headed out to Northern Wisconsin’s Apostle Islands. He had been unable to contact Natalya. Multiple emails and phone calls remained unanswered. She and the kids were gone.

The first part of the journey to Stevens Point was pleasant enough in the early morning light. Traffic was light and Aidan was able to reflect on the recent past. It had all seemed like a fairy tale, the life he had hoped for where he could work as an Advanced Practice Nurse and create a naturist-friendly health center at the same time. It all took a dive when Natalya felt threatened during an argument. They argued a lot. She called the cops on him for possessing books from well-known naturist photographers like Jock Sturges, Sally Mann and Ron Oliver.

The wedding was at the Columbus Club and the honeymoon at Green Lake’s Heidel House Resort. He had planned it all before Natalya’s arrival in America from Tver, Russia, the fiancée visa required the couple to wed 90 days after her arrival. Preparations and planning required much work but Aidan was determined to make it special.

Aidan recalled details of the wedding night as if it were yesterday.

Natalya, in her white wedding gown at the reception, dancing in spite of worrying she would feel too restricted in the elegant gown. It didn’t stop her one bit. Aidan and Natalya’s first dance to Bryan Adam’s ‘I’ll Always Be Right There’ with the words, “…I promise you, all my life I will live for you, we will make it through…” The lyrics spoke how Aidan felt.

Little was remembered about the reception. Father Steve and his wife dancing; Will getting worn out and having to call it quits with the photography; Brother Steve trying hard to work the sound system; the nephews brake dancing on the dance floor; Aidan’s dance with his ailing Mom. But, when all was said and done, Aidan remembered what Natalya told him.

Natalya whispering, “My husband…. I love you… for always.”

The rest of the evening was a dream. The flower-decorated Honda Accord whisking the couple off to the Heidel House for a night of passion. It seemed so perfect. Sitting on the balcony overlooking Green Lake, talking about shared dreams; a new beginning. Feeling safe in each other’s arms and loved completely; this was what Aidan had been searching for his entire life after striking out with his first wife years earlier.

Carrying his bride across the threshold of their honeymoon suite, they found themselves in a room laid out with arrangements of fresh flowers. A bottle of Champagne chilled in a silver pitcher. Conversations the next morning on the balcony about shared dreams. The memories brought on tears and sadness.

Aidan was pulled from his thoughts as a car braked in front of him.

Continuing north, he remembered the plan to become a Family Nurse Practitioner in a holistic nursing practice before Natalya called the cops on him. For two or three years, he had worked to create a naturist-friendly retreat center modeled after Harbin Hot Springs in California. It was to be a place where people could recuperate and heal from the abuses of civilization. A place where people could find freedom and inner peace.

Then, he had an argument with Natalya about her teenage son Gregori spending all of his time on the computer. At some point, Natalya felt threatened and struck out. She called the cops at the urging of a former neighbor that his library contained child porn. It did not.

The Naturist library had been modeled after the American Nudist Research Library in Kissimmee, Florida and was meant to be an archive of how naturism/nudism was practiced around the world. Someone had placed illegal images on his laptop and he had his suspicions. The investigation led to charges being filed and Aidan was forced to accept a plea deal that essentially ruined his life and reputation in spite of a forensic investigation and psycho-sexual eval clearing him. It didn’t matter. His life was ruined.

That afternoon, Aidan checked into “The Hidden Cottage” and took a nap before checking out the downtown area of Bayfield, picking up a few groceries, and getting a map to the Mawikwe Sea Caves Lakeshore Trail.

Later that night as he tossed and turned, Aidan remembered the conversation he had with Megan on the road trip out to the festival about naturism.

“What I don’t understand,” Megan said to Aidan, “why is this naturist festival so important to you? I mean, it is a long drive just to camp out naked in a field.”

“Well…. first off, it’ll definitely be more than just a camping trip as I’m leading several workshops on meditation and photography. Also, I’ll be seeing old friends that saved my life when I was having trouble with my body image.”

“Why would anyone want to take their life? “Megan asked innocently.

After a pause, Aidan responded, “Life can be a drag. Listen, I’m not going to tell you everything is all rosy and I never think about death. There was a time my low testosterone caused severe mood swings and intense depression. It’s been a constant source of trouble in my marriage because my wife never felt I was attracted to her.”

“You’re not going to drive us into a cement barrier, are you?”

“No. I’ll be alright. Getting back to your question. Naturism saved my life in that I started to see myself as much more than just a body. I learned to connect with people on a different, more spiritual level. I accepted and began to love myself as is. Over the years, I’ve met people of all ages in all ranges of physical condition across North America.”

“Kids attend the festival?”

“Of course. Naturism is a family practice.”

“They go naked?”

“Sometimes. Nudity is never required for anyone except in the pool or hot-tub. There has been a trend in the last few years where more and more people keep their clothes on.”

“Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?”

“Not at all. Naturism is not just about whether someone wears clothes or not. Some people are always nude, others are always clothed. Naturism is a return to the earth, embracing a natural life, in whatever way is most important to the individual. At these festivals, people have the opportunity to learn and share their different philosophies. You would see a great deal of similarity between Naturism and Native American lifestyles.”

“I think I’m beginning to understand. I would probably be one of those that never take their clothes off.”

“You don’t feel comfortable in your skin?”

“Does anyone really?”

“You can find out for yourself. Have your sister drive you to the festival for the final day. We can head back afterwards.”

“Maybe”, Megan answered quietly.

After an hour of remembering, Aidan fell asleep.

Waking just prior to sunrise, he prepared breakfast. The cottage had its own supply of dark roast coffee and it hit the spot. Forecasters promised the day to be clear and sunny, at least until the early afternoon.

Aidan scribbled a note and left it taped to the front door.

Using his GPS to navigate, Aidan took Highway 13 thru town about 18 miles before finding the turn-off to Meyers Road. After a short distance, the road dead-ended at the trailhead parking lot. He turned the car off, placing the keys in the dashboard cubby, grabbed the bag of herbs from the backseat and got out of the car. There was no reason to lock the car doors.

At the manual water pump, he slammed down a handful of the special herbs and gulped some water.

Starting down the trail through the forest, Aidan smelled the fresh scent of pine in the morning dew. According to the internet article, the four-mile trail began in lush pines then descended down the cliff face to the Nagitanka sand beach. Reviewers warned hikers of steep drop-offs and dangerous conditions during rainstorms. The Mawikwe (‘weeping’) sea caves were made of sandstone, carved by waves and ice, and were considered the signature landmark of the Apostles Islands. He hoped to encounter the beautiful garden within the trail system.

As Aidan continued down the path, he remembered the last day of the festival when Megan arrived with her older sister Jade and 10 yr. old niece Summer. Megan promised they could leave at any time if they felt uncomfortable.

The three arrived mid- morning, just in time for Summer to join the other kids picking up coins thrown by Jim Mortimer, a retired Attorney. Every year, Jim saved up his change and created this pied piper – like spectacle for the kids. Summer had no trouble disrobing as all of the kids were naked in the hot sun. She had been raised in the mountains and grew up running through the forest naked and skinny-dipping in cool mountain lakes.

“Mom, look at all the coins I picked up. Colin found a silver dollar; I wasn’t so lucky.”

“Wow, that’s great hun,” Jade told her daughter while she and her sister slowly removed their clothes, placing them on a chaise lounge overlooking the pool area. “We’re going for a swim. Do you want to join us?”

At that moment, a boy with blonde hair about Jade’s age came running up to them with just a towel slung over his shoulder. He was not modest in the least, just like everyone else at the festival.

“Colin, this is my Mom and Aunt Megan. Everyone, this is Colin.”

“Nice to meet you. We were just going swimming; want to join us?”

“I’d love to,” Colin said as he motioned for his friends to join him.

“Hey guys! Don’t forget about the pudding toss at 2!” Aidan yelled after them as they hurried to the pool.

Colin and Summer became best of friends that day.

Stumbling on a root, Aidan’s attention returned to the trail.

A half hour into the hike, Aidan called out to the forest. “What I am supposed to do? You have taken everything from me. My time here is over.” Aidan slurred as the hallucinogenic herb took effect.

It was as if ancient spirits were bidding him to turn back.

Aidan finally made it to the beach. Dark clouds appeared on the horizon.

Native American folklore spoke of sacred dances performed to the Great Spirit at Nagitanka Beach. The Lore suggested those ingesting Monkshood root and purifying themselves in Lake Gichigami, would attain connectedness with the Great Spirit Wakan Tanka and find peace. In the old days, it was common for the terminally ill to participate in this ritualized ceremony prior to burial in the caves. As a naturist and having distant Ojibwe relatives, Aidan felt this ritual would give him closure.

Stripping his clothes off, he splashed into the cold water of Lake Superior yelling out, “Oh Great Spirit, take me; all of me. Purify my soul! Purge me of all sin and cleanse my heart from all impurity so that I may be forever united with you.”

Dogpaddling out 100 yards from shore where he couldn’t touch the slate bottom, Aidan could feel his heart begin to palpitate. Aidan allowed himself to fall back down into the icy depths of Gichigami, waiting for the end to come. No longer afraid, he relaxed while crushing chest pain told him the end was near. Losing consciousness, Aidan floated to the surface and washed to shore. The Rain began to pour.

Hours later, Aidan climbed to his feet. Leaving the beach, he started up the rocky trail in the heavy rain. Still hallucinating, Aidan cried out as he stumbled up the steep pathway, “Help me!”

Almost immediately, his vision was filled with a large bouquet of flowers. The flowers he had given Natalya on their first date. He remembered that life-changing day in Tver and it gave him strength. Strength to move, strength to live. Tears mingled with the rain as he continued on.

A fork appeared in the path and Aidan went left. After stumbling along in near blindness for thirty minutes, Aidan heard the sound of a waterfall. A beautiful garden with fragrant wild flowers, a small rivulet coming off of the waterfall, the fresh air of the forest; these always had a healing effect for Aidan.

As Aidan continued into the native meadow, revived by the fragrance and colors spread out before him – the bright purples, blues, and bits of pink of the Wisconsin Wild Lupine. Aidan lost consciousness a second time but woke to find the rain had stopped. Slowly, he realized the air had a different texture, a foreign quality that was familiar.

Aidan heard the snap of a twig and looked up.

"Will, what are you doing here?"

Will was carrying a large backpack and offered him a bottle of water and a power bar.

"How are you holding up? Aidan’s old friend asked.

"Not too good actually."

"I suspected as much. I found your note on the door and heard your voicemail message. Let's get on with life together. You have so many reasons to be alive today."

"You’re right. Maybe Creator has a different plan for me that I’m not aware of right now.”

“That’s the truth. Plus, you have your son to watch over. He'll need you when he gets back. This world is a crazy place and a boy needs his Dad.”

Aidan and Will left the forest, making their way back to the car.

Arriving at the parking lot, Aidan looked back for Will but saw he was no longer there. A few hours later, Aidan received a phone call that Will had died peacefully in his sleep that very morning… at his home in Medford 150 miles away.