Rest, Peace, Words

Pillows are my lovers, they seduce me every night, massaging my head when the world has turned its back. I curl in the warmth and find new understanding of why it’s called a comforter. I play a game of tug of war with my husband and our bed. Our bed makes us vie for its affection and tenderness but somehow it gives us both free rein to be enticed by its textured firm yet gentleness. A sweet lullaby encases us until we awake refreshed and anew. I will prioritize this relationship because of the goodness and peace it brings. I will surrender to what heals me. I will sleep because sleep loves me.

Resolutions are made yearly across the world but rarely do our goals get resolved. The flaw is rarely in the task we set out to do, but more often it is in our perception. “Will I be able to succeed? Will I take control just enough to get what I want?” Then, we talk ourselves out of achieving. “I don’t have the time. Can I really get it done?” Unfortunately, with such words, our focus is on fear and future. Instead, we can focus on a daily target and nail it. Small steps get us to our destination. Bricks are laid one by one, not all I once. With a fresh outlook I will live my life, not just differently this year but from day to day. I will get the rest I need and I will affirm good in my daily life. Words of peace will be my portion.

Rest. Get comfy, deeply breathe, let go, and rest. I have had to tell myself that in order to save my life. So many people are slowly and sometimes quickly, killing themselves because they lack sleep and relaxation. In the American society we have been manipulated and convinced that we must work most of the time. Without work who are we? Our jobs and business become our identity but I refuse to let what I do or don’t do, define who I am.

Time out. Time is such an interesting construct. It appears to be straight and narrow but that is just how we designated it to be. Yes, we are born, grow older, and die but the in between can be engineered in endless directions. Time was not meant to be our master, work and business was not meant to be our master. Yet, our society perpetuates the notion that we cannot sit and enjoy the stillness of life.

Capitalism, inflation, Covid, layoffs, mistreatment of service workers, racism, sexism, and every other “ism”. These things will make anyone tired and because things have seemed to magnify during this world pandemic it is worse. The brokenness and the division of our society has caused people to lash out at each other instead of tackling the things that have caused the discord. With each new detachment and detraction of busyness blooms a heavy load. And where there is a heavy load, anxiety and lack of peace awaits us not just at night but throughout the day. Rest escapes the broken, confused, and fearful individual.

I know first-hand. I left education because of years of mistreatment that compounded at the beginning of the pandemic. I became sick with Covid and the remnants chose to alter my body. I have seen time and time again the racism that continues to kill innocent black people, and at any point it could’ve been someone I hold dear. Food and housing costs are so high that just surviving is a difficult job to manage. The brokenness has magnified and now more than ever will I try to mend and heal.

Prioritizing boundaries are important to every relationship, work or personal; at least that is what my therapist says. I believe her. I have learned and relearned how to recognize when I have had enough of a situation, experience, or person. I have learned my limits and boundaries and I realize they can change depending on what season of life I am in at the time. I have grown in my understanding of the necessity of community and how when we become interdependent and live a life of integrity, resting becomes possible. I think our society trust independence to a fault. When we only trust ourselves, we are limited. I aim to commune with those who desire resolve and want goodness within the Earth. I am training myself to rest when I need it and speak words that proclaim what I want to see.

Relax, take a break, live a balance life. The weight of the world is not worth a premature death that you worry yourself into. The busyness and clout are not worth mental and physical health disorders. The lack of sleep and high levels of stress is linked to heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity, impaired judgment, and a surplus of other ailments. It is imperative to get enough sleep and rest. I refuse to usher in disease and death.

I promise to treat myself with the kindness that if I don’t achieve my goal on the first try, I will keep going. I will remind myself that I can restart my journey at any given moment, no need to wait. I will adjust what I want to see within and around me.

A honeyed stillness that alleviates the harm of overdoing and overexerting. Words are commanding. They command attention, responses, and for the world to move around them. I commit to myself, words that create and expand joy and honesty. With this new year, and each new day I am requiring of myself words that are uplifting to my well being spiritually, mentally, and physically. Many times, I can be my worse critic and if I fail the response lingers instead of easily moving on. Instead, I must affirm the next thing I want to do and see. Gentler words to myself and others are my goal.

The resolutions I am taking on are for a day to day, moment by moment confrontation. I will have my peace. I will have rest. I will be kind to myself.