Resolutionless resolution

How do you make a New Year’s resolution to rest when doing that involves taking some sort of action and that, whatever it is, pretty much contradicts the idea of rest altogether?

Isn’t resolving to rest a paradox in itself? Isn’t it something that by definition just cannot be done?

But then what if you don’t resolve to do to anything? It’s almost like you resolve to do nothing, to put it in other words, and so it’s still a damn resolution if you think about it, isn’t it? Doing nothing is still doing something, huh?

So how do you override the paradox then? How do you do what is pointless since it cannot be done and make it make sense?

But maybe that’s the thing; maybe it’s about knowing it’s pointless but doing it anyway, and thus just sort of becoming one with the paradox. You do something despite its pointlessness and realise that that’s the whole point of it. Then it makes you start shifting your focus on the little things in your days and suddenly you care more about the detail of life as it’s lived rather than the whole point of it, which, ultimately, is the kind of healthy outlook you’d want to achieve through rest.

At least that’s how I see it.

I may still not know the meaning of life, but what I do know is that when I wake up to my baby boy’s first squeal of the morning before the damn sunrise when it’s still pitch black outside, all I really want is for the day to be a good one so that by the end of it I can go to bed satisfied with all the little things that will have happened by then. And I’m much happier this way when compared to me contemplating the bigger questions so there must be some truth in what I say.

And don’t get me wrong, some days I do wonder where my inquistive mind asking questions about the meaning of the entire universe has gone and it’s with a pang in the chest that I realise how much I miss it.

But as soon as any of that guilt for not being “woke” enough tries to creep in, I splash myself with an imaginary glass of cold water and get down to earth realising, for the umpteenth time, that maybe it’s because motherhood has shrunk my world to the contraints of my immediate surroundings since, for now at least, that’s the only world that needs to be looked after well.

That’s the only universe I really care about, and that’s totally okay because, however small in perspective, it’s still an entire universe nonetheless. And, to be brutally honest, it’s easier to have my mind preoccupied with its state rather than try to undestand the whole of the galaxy out there.

And as it happens, this little universe is one I have real, tangible, and immediate effect on so it’s more satisfying to work on its betterment as well.

It’s also one I’ve got personal insight in, and from my observations I know there needs to be balance for it function well. And for that to happen, I need to be of sound mind to be able to spot any imbalances quickly and attend to them...

…which is where the circle comes round. This is where rest comes into play.

We all know we don’t function well in overdrive but we all also know it’s a busy world we live in these days so we all want quick fixes that can fuel us up in an instant without taking up too much of that precious time we all seem to have so little of.

And it just so happens that I have found such miracle cure for myself. An all-in-one remedy for the mind, body and spirit.

Yoga.

My own precious piece of stillness amongst the chaos.

My mat and I are secret lovers.

As soon as I step on it, the world beyond its edges turns into a comforting blur in the hues of turquoise, and all the surrounding noise turns into one steady hum similar to the sound of the waves. And when I stand in my tree pose and begin to extend my arms and bend over backwards with my face upturned, it’s like I’m sailing away on my boat right into the open ocean on a hot sunny day.

To an outsider, it may look like I’m just flinging my arms around pointlessly but there’s a reason why ancient yogis moved their arms in certain ways. We are made of energy and through activating that energy in the right way we can really influence our wellbeing. And the more we believe in it, the more likely it is to work on us.

Because the simple truth is, whether you believe something or not, you’re right. That’s how powerful our minds are.

And I, for one, truly believe in the power of yoga, which is why for this new year 2022 to be one full of fruit-bearing rest, I’m claiming at least 30 minutes a day for my sessions on the mat.

I failed to devote that intentional time way too many times last year but I know better now. It’s so easy to get lost in the claws of laundry, cleaning, cooking, mindless scrolling, looking after the little one and what not. So easy but so not worth it.

You can’t pour from an empty cup as they say; you gotta look after yourself first and foremost.

But, again, you don’t want your self-care to become another chore that puts you under pressure - hence why my yoga resolution is resolutionless in essence;

I’m not resolving to practice yoga because resolving is giving something the power to control me, forcing me to do something in a way.

I choose the word claim instead. This way I’m taking this power and making it mine; now it’s me controlling the time so it can be devoted to yoga, rather than feeling the pressure to find time to do it.

This is how I choose to actively rest throughout twenty twenty two, and maybe you should too?