rely on oneself

No matter how unique experience is, if it encounters a general interpretation, what people get is nothing but "common happiness for everyone"; no matter how ordinary experience is, if it encounters one's own unique interpretation, people will definitely get extraordinary happiness. .In fact, the spiritual pleasure and love we can get from another person is not as great, as much, as affectionate as we think we are. In most cases, it belongs to our own wishful imagination and expectations of others, which is actually a kind of self-healing. Our expectations of others are always far greater than the facts presented in the end.

This is probably the biggest common disease of human beings, and it is still very sick and cannot be cured.

Recognizing this fact is cruel, but it is a kind of wisdom, which can help us clean up our expectations of others, and use our own real actions to make ourselves worth looking forward to.

However, regarding this point, only those who have come over can comprehend it, and only those who are completely desperate, those who have had enough experience, can comprehend. And those who can't comprehend, usually can only attribute the reason to: "I haven't met the right person yet."

People who truly understand this not only do not expect others, but also do not allow others to expect them from themselves.

People who have come here usually express in their hearts on this point: they are no longer worried that others will fail them, but they are worried that they will fail others.

When a person develops wisdom, it is by no means that he understands others, but that he finally understands himself and his own humanity.

Here, let's explore what kind of human nature is behind this.

Human nature has the characteristic of projecting outward emotionally. Why does "emotion" necessarily produce projection?

The biggest difference between humans and animals is that humans are rich in emotions.

The role of emotion is to intensify and exaggerate one's experience of various things.

Since the essence of "emotion" is "enhancement" and "exaggeration", it naturally means any element that is intensified and exaggerated: "it is not real."

Therefore, everyone will have an inner world. The existence of human inner world is essentially used to strengthen and exaggerate the real world in which they live. This is the origin of "inner projection". The inner self that has not yet become is projected onto things outside, onto relationships with others.

Each person's "inner projection" has the following two distinctive characteristics:

1. People cannot project their imaginations of beautiful things and their various expectations of beauty onto the familiar people and things around them. All imagination and expectations can only be projected on people and things that are still very strange to them.

2. People are most likely to project their dissatisfaction with their life onto the familiar people and things around them. People cannot project their dissatisfaction with their own life onto strangers and things, and blame those who are not by their side, and what did not happen to them.

The former represents the happiness that others bring us; the latter represents the pain that others bring us.

The former represents the happiness and happiness we want but have not yet obtained; the latter represents our disappointment and loss in our real life.

The former represents the freshness of all unfamiliar things; the latter represents the boredom of all familiar things.

The former represents our poetry and the distance; the latter represents our daily life.

People and things that are already very familiar in front of them can no longer support people's rich imagination, and people can't do everything they are familiar with, and they are full of all kinds of good expectations, and they can no longer make good emotional projections. , so, one is one, two is two, and even, one is already less than one, and two is far less than two.

Even talented poets can no longer write beautiful love poems to their lovers who have lived with them for many years. The best love poems are often written to half-baked lovers, only when they are full of beautiful imagination and beauty in their hearts. When the expectation is high, people's hearts are filled with verses. The poet who is exaggerated to the extreme, the most beautiful emotional recorder of human beings, can best represent the projection of people's hearts.

The imagination and expectation of beautiful things usually bring people happiness as long as they have them. People always think that the happiness brought by the object they like is essentially just projecting their exaggerated emotions onto a certain object. That's all, it's just using the imagination of a certain object to make your brain produce a happy chemical reaction.

Strangers and things in the distance, with a little bit of advantages, can also be placed in a big place by oneself, making people dream; familiar people and things around them, and small flaws, are enough to deny a person as a whole and make people complain.

Between people, it is always easy to exaggerate each other's spiritual and emotional dependence on each other. Once they are tired of being together for a long time, all the novelty will become familiar. Without growth, both parties will no longer be able to get happiness from each other, and no matter how deep the relationship is, it will become clear soup and water in the years.

Any sense of novelty is happiness. People always misinterpret the happiness brought to themselves because of the freshness of the thing itself as the happiness brought by this person and this event. Arouse more and greater expectations of others.

On the one hand, with the passage of time, the novelty of each other is decreasing, while the greater expectations inspired by people's initial happiness are increasing, which eventually creates a huge gap.

Falling in love with a person is completely different from the happiness that falling in love with a person brings to you. Most people's love is just falling in love with the happiness that others bring to them, a kind of happiness that comes from a sense of novelty. When the sense of novelty is gone, the happiness will also disappear, and love will also disappear.

Time does not actually accumulate emotions, it only accumulates spiritual dependencies. The feelings people often talk about are usually just some spiritual dependencies.

Otherwise, it will not always happen that the old loses to the new, and what can be seen and touched will never be as good as poetry and distant things.

The relationship between people is the same, the relationship between people and things is also the same, the relationship between people and their living environment is also the same, and the relationship between people and what they do is the same.

"I can live well without you; you can live well without me." This is the truth.

The most important thing in life is to let the correct expectations grow in your body, the expectations for yourself, and the expectations for your own mental growth.

The most essential part of life is not the experience of life, but the interpretation of one's own experience. At any time, it is the "content of interpretation" that makes people happy, not the "experiencing" that makes people happy.

No matter how unique experience is, if it encounters a general interpretation, what people get is nothing but "common happiness for everyone"; no matter how ordinary experience is, if it encounters one's own unique interpretation, people will definitely get extraordinary happiness. .

This is the biggest difference between "Tao Yuanming" and ordinary people.

There is a very well-known saying in philosophy: "Things themselves do not affect people, it is people's views on things that affect people."

The ancient thinker Wang Yangming said: "There is no reason outside the heart".

Said the same thing.

In order to make an extraordinary interpretation of one's own life experiences and experiences, one must equip oneself with an extraordinary mind.

This is the growth of the human mind, which is of extraordinary significance for a person.

The border between people, the so-called good predestined relationship, allows people to constantly get opportunities to face themselves, to know themselves, and to cultivate themselves; evil predestined relationships allow people to constantly get opportunities to escape from themselves, stay away from themselves, and consume themselves. .

Between lovers, it is so; between friends, it is so; between relatives, it is so.

The best help to others, and the best relationship between people, is to help others see more facts, which is more important than giving advice. Good advice should also be based on providing new perspectives. Guide the client to see those parts that he has not yet seen, and work hand in hand to reach a more mature and independent mind.

Good karma is to observe each other's growth. Any relationship that does not observe the growth of the other party is either a bad relationship, or it is on the way to become a bad relationship.

There is indeed a very high-level fate in this world, not only from one's own growth, but also from the other's growth.

Don't look for "people worth relying on", go to meet people who can bring you growth, and then be able to rely on yourself.