Relationships

We all dream of finding that special someone, someone who knows all of our quirks, our likes and dislikes, our favorite things, such as the way we like our coffee in the morning, or hot cocoa when it's cold; someone who will run us a romantic candlelit bath with rose petals, or make a big scene for an engagement. Someone who we can call our "person", who knows us better than we know ourselves, and we can trust and tell anything to. I didn't think I would ever find that.

I didn't let a lot of people know about my bisexuality, but the few that did know about it, including my family, respected me and were proud of me for coming out to them. I've known that I was bisexual since my junior high years. I know that's young, but it's true. I knew it even more when I'd met the girl of my dreams in September of 2016. Earlier that year, maybe late summer, I was on a dating site, since my then ex-boyfriend and I were on and off again, and I was looking to try to date a female instead of solely searching for another man again. I wanted to try something different and to try getting out of my comfort zone. Although I did talk to a few females, however, there was one specific girl who caught my attention right away, and has basically had my heart ever since.

They say that you know when someone is "the one" for you, simply because you'll just know it. And, when I'd first met this girl in person, it was as if though our souls were looking for each other. I was living in an apartment by myself at the time, and I really wanted to impress her by taking her out somewhere nice, so I took her out to the Italian restaurant in the town where I was living at at the time, and she loved it. She offered to pay the whole bill, or even her half of it, and of course I told her no, because it was my treat. I remember us walking up there instead of driving, because it was a nice day out, and I wanted to hold her hand while we walked there, and even when we walked in. She could tell that I was definitely nervous, given that I'd never been on a date with a girl before, and much so one that I especially really liked. I wasn't expecting her to be as nice as she was, or to treat me as good as she did, but she did. And, she still does.

She asked me out three different times since we'd first met, and I always told her no. Not because I didn't want her or want to date her, but because I was so scared and so nervous, and I hadn't came out to my family yet about my bisexuality, and I didn't want anyone to disrespect her and chase her away. My mom was the first person I told about this girl, but I texted everyone in my family individually and told them that I am indeed, bisexual, and that I've known this for quite a while. I was expecting there to be this big blowout about it and to be completely disowned by my entire family, but much to my surprise, they were actually very supportive and happy for me that I had come to terms with that. I told the rest of my family about her, and they all seemed pretty happy for me.

Although we never ended up dating up until about June of 2019, we still remained good friends and stayed in touch. She was living in the same state as me at the time, until she decided that she was moving to the state of Washington, and moving to Seattle. She wanted to come see me before she officially left Illinois, and I definitely wanted to see her, too. But I was also scared of saying goodbye and never seeing her again, except for maybe one or two visits out of the year. So I tried to think of an excuse to not have to say goodbye by telling her that I had to babysit my sister, which at that time I did have to occasionally because she was still under the age of 13, and since I was in and out of work, it was easier for me to watch my sister than it was for my younger brother, who is a year and a half younger than me. Sometimes she would bring my sister to my apartment, and sometimes she would come pick me up for a few nights or so just to hang out with the family and still watch my sister when needed. So, I apologized to my girl, and she understood.

Whenever I look back on it and think about it now, the very romantic side of me would have wanted to find a ride out to the airport where she was boarding her plane at, catch her before she passed through the terminal, grab her by her face and kiss her passionately in front of everyone, then telling her, "Safe travels. I'll be here when you get back." I know I should have tried harder to see her before she left, but I know that I would have cried, in which I did after she texted me and told me that she was boarding her plane. I cried for quite a while, probably a good few days at least, because I felt bad for not seeing her and saying goodbye when I had the chance to, and I'd thought I'd lost my chance with her forever because she was moving away. So, even though we kept in contact every once in a while after that, we suddenly lost touch for a while, too, a good year-ish or so. My ex-boyfriend from 2015 and I were on and off again continuously from 2016 up to this current point in time, so I lost touch with her after getting back into being involved with him. Come about late 2018 or so, we got back in touch again, catching up on what's all been going on in our lives. So it was really nice to hear from her, and it definitely made me feel better, too. I always looked forward to hearing from her anytime I was at work, and I was constantly checking my phone, as often as I could, just so I could reply back to her instantly. Then, come early 2019, she tells me she's moving back to Illinois! I was ecstatic! It gave me a little bit of hope that maybe she and I could make things work this time around, and that I could make her mine. So, she ends up moving back to Illinois, and I got to see her in early June of 2019, and not too long after, one of us asked the other out, and we started dating. I was as happy as I could be, and I definitely missed her. She came to see me on one of my lunch breaks at work one day, and I was having so much fun with just being with her, I didn't want to go back, and I didn't care that I was coming back from lunch almost 20 minutes late, LOL!

We dated for about two and a half months, until she broke up with me, but it was because of distance and our busy schedules with both of us working full-time for the jobs we had. Otherwise, we really had no problems with each other at all, ever. She was always the sweetest thing to me, so patient, kind, and caring, and so understanding. I could definitely tell she loved me, and I definitely loved her too, and still do. We lost touch after we broke up, even though she asked me out again within a few days to a week of breaking up. I never really got back to her, though. I didn't tell her yes, but I also didn't tell her no, either. I was just a bit confused and a little scared, because I thought that if I did get back together with her, that she was gonna break up with me again for the same reason, and I was scared of losing her again, and for good. So I kind of just brushed it off and decided to continue trying to work things out with my ex-boyfriend at the time, in which he and I ended up getting back together again, breaking up in 2020, getting back together again, and having a miscarriage in August of 2020, and then getting pregnant sometime a while after in October.

I reached out to my girl sometime in 2021 while I was still pregnant, and was showing her my sonogram pictures. She was really happy for me, and we were catching up some. She told me about her new girlfriend that she'd been with for quite a while, and whom she is still with currently, as I am with my boyfriend, now fiance'. My girl and I remain in touch, making plans to see each other sometime again and just catch up, and I would want her to meet my son, too.

It's weird being bisexual, well for me it is, anyways, because it's like you have one of each person, a special person on the male side, and a special person on the female side, both people of which you would do anything for, no matter what time of day or night, or what you're doing. But just knowing that they need you and still want you in their lives, and still having love for them, goes to show how important they really are, and that there's a reason that they keep coming back into your life.