Relationship Advice For My Daughter

Five mothers were questioned by our writer on what their daughters—and you—should know about love.

Do you need mum to teach you something? What do my mom friends want to teach their daughters about love? I asked. These are their wise words:

A Self-Esteem Lesson

"I want my kid to feel confident in herself. Nicole Block, a new mother of one, says, "I believe the more she thinks of herself, the less she'll be prepared to compromise." I waited for the proper person, for crying out loud! She should know that love may happen anywhere, at any moment, and that it's usually very obvious when it does. The guy's appearance or how much money he spends on you are irrelevant. It depends on how much you both like laughing, how considerate he is of you, and how openly he shares himself. [My daughter, Anna's father] still makes me laugh every day, he still treats me very well and wants to give me everything. I want that man to date my girl.

Ways to Love

May Walker, a mother of identical twins (a girl and a boy), believes that teaching her daughter how to love is the most essential lesson she can impart. Don't make your partner your whole world, she advises. Instead, love them as much as you would love yourself. "Never lose yourself because you have nothing left once you do."

Love and respect one another

According to Betsy Carter, "I would offer my daughters two bits of advise regarding love and dating." "You receive more love the more you give," the saying goes. She says that if you show love to your family, friends, and pets, you will get love in return. Additionally, dudes just care about getting into your trousers, so treat yourself with respect if you want others to treat you similarly. I can only try to instill love and respect in them.

Use your heads, hearts, and hugs

"By setting an example, I'll teach my daughter Raiann that expressing love must be done consistently. Hannah Halili, a single mother of one, says that she would want to teach her daughter the importance of saying "I love you" or giving her a hug. I'll advise her to always follow her heart while also using her intellect and being sensible when it comes to relationships. Balance is always important.

Take more chances.

When it comes to love and relationships, taking risks is crucial, according to both Hannah and her mother Jene Lupoli-Luciani. She says, "Even if it means that you could end up being injured in the end, I would advise my daughter to love freely and honestly." After all, mothers are the best people to understand that the benefits of love outweigh all the dangers.

Five suggestions for moms to improve their relationship with their daughters

It may be dragging on your heart as a mother that you aren't bonding with your daughter. However, there are strategies to strengthen your mother-daughter relationship and create safe settings so your daughter feels more at ease approaching you.

Keep an open mind

One of our most important wants in relationships is to be understood and accepted, according to Kate Fish, a certified marital and family therapist and the founder of Graceful Therapy in Oswego, Illinois.

"Be as kind and nonjudgmental as you can when your daughter is talking and opening up. Even if you already know the answer, ask her questions and give her the opportunity to educate you about her experience, advises Fish.

For the connection between you and your daughter to mend, emotional affirmation is essential.

Aid her

You should always side with your daughter. The bond between a mother and daughter might eventually become better as she comes to depend on and trust you.

There are many others in the world who are capable of playing the devil's advocate. More than a critic, we need someone to confirm our experience and give us a sense of support, claims Fish.

Practice listening with reflection.

When you listen to your daughter speak, you should pay close attention to the ideas and emotions she is expressing. It involves showing the other person that you understand them and being emotionally open to them.

As she talks, mirror back what she is saying to her to demonstrate that you are paying attention and tuned in, advises Fish.

Let her instruct you.

While a mother's duty might sometimes include mentoring and instructing, Fish argues that as your daughter matures, it's crucial to let her share information with you as well.

I'm not sure how many relationships have altered because of this ebook.

To show your daughter that your connection with her is reciprocal and that you aren't only there to mold her, she advises, "be open to learning new things from her."

Leave her alone.

Disconnection is also necessary for connecting.

According to Fish, if you never spend time apart, you can lose the ability to value your time spent together.

Depending on the nature of your connection, taking a few days or weeks apart from communication or contact might allow the time you spend reconnecting to be even better.

5 strategies for adult daughters to get mom on their side

Whether you have stayed close or far throughout your life, your mother may be a part of who you are. If you've made the decision to mend your mother-daughter connection, think about a few methods to get back in touch.

Recognize the part she has performed.

Recognize and value your mother's influence in your life and the ways in which she has supported you.

This covers the fundamentals, like giving you food and shelter, as well as the lessons Mom taught you.

Your mother may be interested to know about all these things you value.

Gratitude is due to her.

Fish advises putting your mother's customs and morals into practice and showing your thanks for them.

You may express your thanks to your mother orally, in writing, or by giving her a gift.

Allow your mother to continue influencing you.

Making your mother feel wanted in your life by demonstrating that you still value her advice and expertise on the circumstances and situations you face.

She could feel appreciated if you ask her for guidance on a profession, living arrangement, romantic partner, or raising your own children, for example.

Make her a member of your family.

While it may be difficult for your mother to watch you put your family first, letting her participate in your children's life may help you grow closer.

This could involve more than just asking her to stay. She might also be a part of key family festivities, trips, and choices.

Set aside time to carry on family customs with your mother.

Even though adult life might be hectic, making time to spend with your mother may be a crucial first step in improving your relationship.

Consider less costly alternatives like inviting her over for supper, planning a picnic, taking a stroll together, or assisting her with errands.

Three remedies for mothers

Delete your shame

According to New York City-based psychotherapist Gina Moffa, learning to let go of the guilt that comes with having complicated relationship issues may aid in your recovery.

"Society constantly presents us with advertisements and motion pictures that portray mothers and daughters as best friends, which may cause guilt and uncertainty for those juggling the need for intimacy with the reality of the relationship's jagged edges," the author claims.

Only you are aware of the specific circumstances of your relationship. Your experiences and feelings are legitimate. It could be a good idea to concentrate on what will happen in the future rather than what has already happened if you want to repair both yourself and your connection with your daughter.

Break the mold

Some women may continue a habit of not expressing or recognizing their own needs that has been passed down through years of modeling. Moffa asserts that developing healthy patterns and communication may be aided by being aware of your own wants, concerns, traumas, and underlying desires.

Moffa warns against communicating in projection since doing so might lead to missing the target and obstruct chances for deeper connections.

Keep in mind that you once were your daughter's age.

Fish advises seeing yourself as your daughter when she was her age in order to allow your daughter in on exchanges.

"Keep in mind that, as you did at her age, your daughter needs to create her own connections in order to learn how to be her own person. If your daughter "leaves the nest," it's not a reflection of what you did wrong, but rather an indication that you've done something good, she argues.

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