Randonaut

What is Randonauting?

Randonauting is the act of using the Randonautica app to generate truly random locations sourced with quantum entropy. The user can then choose to venture to these locations to see what they find. They often discover that what they see lines up with their intention, which is what they were thinking about when they generated the point (from raundonautica.com/about).

That’s what the website says, anyway. The way I see it, it’s a good way to use up some time in the midst of this damn pandemic. I mean, I’ve got so much time I don’t know what to do anymore. Unemployed, for the last six months. Broken-up, as of two months ago, and just-plain-broke, since said unemployment started. Sure, I was living cheque-to-cheque anyway, but now…well, I wouldn’t say I’m quite in dire straits, but I’m close. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before I’ll be setting up my tent in the park down the road. At least I can still afford my phone bill, so there’s that.

Time. I used to have no time, seemingly, now though, I’m swimming in it. Time is strange like that. There’s never enough. You don’t make time for your friends, your girlfriend, your parents, your dog. You make time to make money so that you can survive. But then what? Look what you lose.

So, I’m alone now and poor, but with an abundance of time. It happens just like that.

I open up my phone and go to the app store. I feel kind of stupid doing this, to be honest. I’ve read stories. I have a buddy who’s done it and has come up successful, even if that means just getting to share some cool stories. He said one time that the app brought him to the beach after he set his intention to “water”, and this other time he came upon a mural of a little girl holding a heart-shaped balloon-for that one, his intention was “love”. Stuff like that, you know, small findings, but still cool, like maybe there’s something to it.

Synchronicity, or fate, or something else, maybe, is what they say. I don’t know though if I believe in that stuff, but other people do. So why not?

I rub my forehead with my eyes closed and then reach for my glasses from the bedside table. A dull pain was starting to pulse in my temples. I pause for a moment, and my mind starts to wander back to Allison and how she’s gone. Only a flash, but I can see her dark hair and the white teeth of her smile. I feel my jaw tighten and my mind shift to how I’ve got to get out of bed, at least for today. The red digital numbers of the clock next to me say 12:35 pm.

*****

I push open the heavy metal door of my apartment building and step outside. The sun is out and feels momentarily blinding. Geez, I mutter, and shield my eyes with my hand. I picture myself as some kind of vampire; you know you’ve been inside for too long when you can hardly handle the light of the sun.

I had set my intention to money. I did what my friend told me to do, to really picture it in my mind, like meditation. As I sat on the edge of my bed earlier, I tried to imagine stacks of crisp paper bills, and to feel the weight and texture of what that would feel like in my hands. I spent time picturing the number of my bank account in the thousands, and the relief and joy I would feel if that were actually the case. Obviously, it wasn’t easy just imagining that kind of money, especially since my bank account has consistently been in the red for several months.

I glance down at my phone to look again at the point that was generated on the app. What that means is that the user of the app is supposed to go to the location on the map in the hopes of finding something that’s related to the intention which is set. It looks to me like the point is kind of far and in a neighbourhood I haven’t been to- it was at least a few miles away, but I decide to walk. Really, I could use the exercise, and it is not a bad day out.

*****

I made it onto the bridge I needs to be crossed to get downtown, which is near my destination. I stare out over the sparkling sea water underneath the bridge as I walk. I don’t know if it’s the fresh air, or the sight of the water, or the fact that I haven’t moved around much in the past few months, but I’m feeling invigorated and a bit emotional. Nostalgic, even. I’ve lost so much over the past year since this pandemic hit. I never would have thought it would be this way, but I’m still here, I guess. Jobless, and no more girlfriend. My former girlfriend, she was fed up with me, and I guess I don’t blame her. One can only take too much stress, too many deadlines, too late nights away from home, all the while seeing their partner become both physically and emotionally unavailable. She’d become distant as well. It’s not like we didn’t try, but it was like our tires were spinning out in the mud. Nothing, no progress. That’s how it became, and that concluded our five years together.

My vision blurred as my eyes welled up. I don’t remember the last time I cried, or even came close to it. I stare at my feet for a long while as I walked forward.

*****

The sun is just starting to set when I begin to realize that I’ve lost my way. I am long past downtown by now. I can see clearly that I’m in an old residential neighbourhood though; the houses surrounding me are quaint but appear run-down. I also notice an abundance of litter on the ground- torn plastic bags, old Styrofoam cups, and cigarette butts are just a few examples of the items strewn around.

I pull out my phone to see where I am. My battery is low, and I feel dumb for not thinking to charge my phone last night. I open up the map on the app and zoom in on the geo-point I was given. That can’t be right, I think to myself. The point is not anywhere near my current location. How had I wandered so far? I feel a flush of frustration at myself and my idiotic idea to do this. By now, I’m hungry, dehydrated, and tired. My feet feel hot and swollen from walking so much. I know that I need to sit down somewhere and get my bearings.

I gaze down a street ahead of me and think I can see a chain-link fence surrounding some green-space that resembles a park, so I make my way towards the space. There is indeed a park, although it is small. Like the rest of the neighbourhood, it looks run-down, with the remnants of some kind of garden and a weathered park bench. I glance around me and see no one else around, so I head for the bench and sit down.

It feels amazingly good to finally sit down. I sit quietly for a long moment and notice that it’s eerily quiet. No birds, no people, or animals. No wind. I sigh and hang my head in my hands. You wanted to get out of your apartment, and you got what you wished for, I think.

For some time, I sit with my head in my hands. I feel immensely frustrated at myself, at all of this, at my life. I begin to sob, and I don’t fight it this time. At first, I feel numb, then, it’s as if I feel everything at once. A whole year’s worth, or probably much longer, of sadness and grief and pain. I can hear only the sounds of my sobs and the soft pattering of tears landing in the dirt below me.

Eventually, I sit up straight again and am once again met with the eerie silence of my surroundings. I probably look like a statue, if anyone were to see me here. I definitely didn’t get to where I wanted to be. I don’t know where I am now. Lost. By now I am not even thinking about my original intention. I just feel tired and pretty awful.

As I sit contemplating my current predicament, I feel a chill run up my spine. A quick and cool breeze had started up, and the leaves in the surrounding trees were beginning to stir. It’s dark out now. I look at my dying phone, and the clock reads 10:35. Yikes, I think. How am I going to get home from here? It was then that I considered sleeping overnight on the bench I was on. I have a zip-up hoodie on, so I’m not too cold, and I am definitely not in the mood or the state to start walking back.

I lie down on the hard bench, pulling my hood over my eyes and folding my hands underneath my head. I close my eyes and listen to the breeze picking up around me. I don’t know if I could truly fall asleep here, but I’d like to try. At least I can rest here until morning. Where else am I going to go?

That’s when I hear it. A fluttering of paper underneath me, sounding like pages turning in the wind. I assume it is garbage and think there was no way I am going to sleep with that kind of noise underneath me. I lower myself over the bench and see some kind of notebook. Surprised, I reach for it. It appears to be still perfectly intact despite being in the elements. I pick it up and hold it in front of my face. The notebook is thin, looks black and has the tell-tale leathery surface of a Moleskine. I feel my heart quicken with anticipation.

I carefully open the small book see only blank, pristine pages. I flip through to the back and I notice some messy handwriting on the final page:

“Dear Alex. Thank you for saving me.”

I feel my heart jump in my chest. What the hell is going on? Alex is my name. It’s a fairly common name, but still, what are the chances? And who here was saved?

Then, I notice something else. Taped on the inside of the back cover there’s an envelope. I look more closely and see tiny printing in the top right corner: "20-". The envelope is apparently full of something and has some weight to it. I lift the tape at the top of the envelope and feel around inside to see what could be in it. I can hear myself breathing now, and notice my hands quivering. With my thumb and forefinger, I carefully pull a stack of crisp, papery bills from the envelope. I stare in utter disbelief at my findings. This is a lot of money here in my hands. I guessed it must be thousands of dollars, at least.

I jump up and looked around. No one. I can feel my heart racing by now. In my hands right now is an obscene amount of money, and I know it has to be mine. I am Alex. It’s addressed to me. I am ecstatic and have to hold myself back from yelling out into the night.

My intention worked, I think to myself, grinning. Tightly clutching the small notebook, I sprint towards the park entrance. I step out into the street and decide to use some of the money to pay for a taxi to finally take me home.