Random Darkness

Another day in hell as I listen to the hatred spewing out of his mouth and into the precious gems that I have created. Slowly watching the joy slip from their eyes as they recluse into their shells. Afraid of coming out because they are greeted with hatred, lies, and deception. Powerless to gain a glimpse of the sun's rays. No longer eager to see the sun for fear of what the day can bring. Hopeless, knowing that nothing but torment and put down's lay just past the crest of the sun over the blue clouds. Wanting so badly to melt into the walls, we hold our breath to slow our heartbeats down so they don't make too loud of a sound and disturb the human monster that sits just a few footsteps away.

Gaining a new appreciation for headphones by the second as the outside world becomes less desirable to be in. Listening to the music and formulating an escape route seems to be the only peace that is felt. We used to be able to eat in peace and enjoy the sensations that food would bring but that no longer is a welcoming place. Insult after insult has caused even chewing food to be too much of a physical chore and our energy level is non-existent. The constant bickering of occasionally overindulging has made way for a sense of shame for even being hungry. This too is stripped away. The escape plan is the only way that we are able to feel the wind on our faces as we are confined to these blank four walls. Desperate to feel the wind and listen as the winds battle to see which direction can travel the fastest.

The number of tears that have fallen from these sets of eyes would probably surpass the Atlantic Ocean three times over if they were ever to be collected. With every heartbreak, you can see the eyes getting darker and the soul digging that much deeper into its hiding place. With every painful memory that is created, a happier memory fades away like the paint on a clay pot that has been sitting in the sun for too long. No longer are the birds chirping and singing their happy songs in the morning, for the morning never seems to come. One could stay lost in this darkness because their will to find any shred of light has been snuffed out.

Falling forever into the darkness of spaces that have no bottom, nor a top, yet you know you are falling. The feeling of weightlessness yet heaviness pushes and pulls you in every direction. No longer can glue or tape or sutures hold in place that machine that keeps you alive together anymore. As you continue to fall, you wonder why you ever needed it in the first place. It's never served any actual purpose and has no value outside of the medical world or the black market. This machine is so broken and torn into pieces that you couldn't even salvage it to sell to a fool, let alone for someone with any good sense to purchase.

You have become so used to not knowing who it is that stares back at you from the mirror that you now avoid them at all costs as if you are now a vampire. Your eyes become blurry from staring so long and so hard that you begin to wonder if you should continue to stare or if you should look away. You no longer see the human version of yourself and are unsure if what you see is even human. You become afraid to blink because what you see is barely an image so you standstill and stare. You hear no noise and you feel nothing on your skin as if your senses have been depleted. Numb is only a sensation you wish to feel as it would remind you that you are still present.

You continue to fall into this deep black and hear silence and for the first time, you hear something. Silence. You think for a moment that your senses have returned and you just have to try again, but as you stretch out your limb, you realize there is nothing that extends from your body. You try to turn your head careful not to lose your gaze and feel nothing. You see nothing. You open your mouth to utter any sense of a word and nothing comes out. Your mouth doesn't move. There is nothing. You have turned to nothing.