Quieting The Noise

Relationships are hard. Especially when you feel like the person you are with is or was "the one" that you intended to spend your life with and it doesn't work out. It makes you wonder how did you get from "whoa this is the most amazing person I've ever met" to "wow how did I ever let myself get caught in this situation with this person?". Two completely opposite sides of the spectrum. The ultimate truth is simply that the person you are involved with is just not meant for you.

One major reason why these meaningful relationships fall apart is maturity. Or lack thereof. From my experience I've come to find that men are usually the ones who start off strong but eventually get "stuck" along the way. This is usually due to the fact that they need more time to mentally mature to fully understand what they are looking for from a partner. The lady on the other hand starts off happy and excited and eventually as the relationship becomes stagnant she begins feeling drained if the man cannot continue to excite her or provide her the attention she is deserved. Now there are so many variations of this situation and they are all different, but the example I am using is a watered down version of what is going on underneath the surface.

The problem about an individual's maturity is that they actually do not realize they are not mature enough to get involved in a relationship until they get older, which usually by then the relationship has already fallen apart. After each breakup, a mental journey begins and everyone is caught up in different stages of their emotions. Generally a mental conflict begins where you are stuck deciding whether or not to save what you have already invested in the other person or to completely cut the other person off entirely. Once again this is not the same for everyone, and in some cases people have enough maturity to actually become friends after the relationship ends and not let their emotions get in the way. But from my experience it's usually people suffering until they remove the other person out due to heavy emotional distress.

The bottom line is that the person you are struggling with is just not the one for you. Sadly we have to learn the hard way sometimes that the person we invested our time, energy, and life into is not the one for us no matter how much we believed they were. Honestly this hurts. It can be one of the most difficult challenges we face in our lives, getting over someone who we believed we would spend our life with. Its a devastating process and depending on who you are and where you come from, it could be as simple as 1,2,3 and done, or it could be the emotional equivalent of getting over a death.

After breaking up and realizing it is all over, the best thing to do is to realize that your life is only beginning from this point. This is a new opportunity for mental freedom, emotional freedom, and more importantly a chance to accept the truth about who you are and what you are really looking for in another. When you find yourself struggling emotionally because your are alone, call on the people who will be there to support you, listen to you, and otherwise care for you. Learn to love and take care of yourself. Try to not stay isolated and surround yourself with negative influences of any kind, because they will only serve to amplify your vulnerability. This could potentially lead to making poor decisions which only adds to the heartache.

My best advice: be patient. Truly find peace with where you are and recognize this breakup as knowledge into becoming the best and improved version of yourself. Accept that the person you were with is not meant for you. Trust that you will overcome these hardships and find true happiness with yourself, the world, and with another in the future.