Quarter-Life Crisis?

As a little girl and throughout my adolescence, I hadn't put much thought into what my life would be like past the age of 25. I expected to be at the peak of my life by this age, which is kind of sad considering the amount of time I may have left on this Earth. So now that the mark of being alive for 25 years is only 3 months away, I am possibly going through my quarter-life crisis.

Honestly, my original plan was to be a famous musician by this point. I spent the majority of my life singing, practicing piano and writing songs. I took choir in middle school and went on to a performing arts high school. Throughout high school I hustled, booking performances and talent shows. The way I see it though, I would've been touring and winning Grammy's by now if that's what I truly wanted. I know that I have the ambition and drive to accomplish anything I want once I am clear on what that is. As much self-awareness as I have, I am still questioning myself at times and what I value. Also, what value I bring to the world and I'm finding it challenging to trust myself or follow my intuition. What I do know is that I care about myself and living a good life on my terms.

I am very flexible when it comes to work or projects, but when it comes to my own life change is frightening. My desires and beliefs are changing and life is different than what I hoped it would be. Although I can bring professionalism, I’m not a famous or professional musician. I’ve been working in hospitality for almost 7 years and two years ago I co founded a photography and video production company. There is this strong attachment between career and self-worth that feels inevitable. As an artist, navigating life trying to have both financial stability and artistic freedom is overwhelming. I'm working on the balance between Art and Mathematics. There is impatience when it comes to the mundane and not always receiving the adrenaline and intense joy that comes from creating. Instead of creating artwork or a song, I am forced to make what feels like heavy decisions that will determine my future and obviously I don’t want to pick the “wrong” choices.

As a teen, I couldn't perfectly envision life past 25, but I always happy cried imagining the multi-faceted life I will live. I am not meant to be crystalized. There is freedom in not knowing everything and exploring parts of myself that seem new or untapped. In this first quarter of my life, I am finding what brings me joy and learning to remain humble. Every inconvenience, hardship, unwanted experience or divergent has given me the capacity to truly appreciate what I have and to evolve. I am where I am for a reason and my perception and habits are expanding through every experience.

From the outside it may look like a quarter-life crisis. Hesitation, fears of inadequacy, multiple ventures, the list goes on. I believe, however, that this is a wave of chaos that comes before harmonization. I see my failures, my darker side, my naivety and I am finally embracing all of myself; welcoming parts that I have neglected.

Going into this next quarter of life, I hope to be more grounded and more receptive of love and abundance. I want trust and attentiveness to my own resistance.

Feel free to reach out if any of this resonates or if you’ve already gone through it too. What does quarter-life crisis look like for you and how have you been navigating it?