Positive & Negative Pt.1

There’s a lot that I do not understand and there’s a lot that I’ve accepted to be “it is what it is”. Often times we as humans get wrapped up in our feelings because we don’t understand why certain things happened the way they did. We don’t understand why certain people we love and trust do things to intentionally hurt us. We don’t understand why certain feelings and thoughts randomly pop up no matter how much time has passed. A lot of times the things we don’t understand we probably weren’t supposed to understand it or it may have been a lesson we needed. Often times life can suck, life can be draining and depressing, but life can also be beautiful.

I’ve come to a point in my life that repeatedly saying how I feel over and over to someone who doesn’t really hear me is a waste of my time. No matter how many chances I give someone I’ll eventually pull away and I will look at them completely different. It’s like I try and I give people room to understand me but they refuse to. I blame myself or I feel like I want to be closed off with my feelings. It’s stressful when there are people who you love that don’t try to see you for who you are, but for who they want you to be. It’s stressful when you repeatedly spill your heart out to have people walk all over it and abuse you. There’s many ways you can abuse a person too, especially someone like me. I’m nice, I’m kind hearted, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I’m observant, I have the power to give someone the same energy as they’ve given me. I am strong minded, as well as fragile minded, I bite my tongue a lot and I know I’m not the only one like this.

I believe I have different sides of who I am as well as others. I have the nice, sweet, quiet side, I also have the sarcastic, no filter-stand my ground side. I can be mean if pushed, it honestly depends on the person as well as the situation and circumstances. When you’re a nice person people think they can play you like pushover you, manipulate you, and take advantage of your kindness. When you’re too nice or possess great qualities people take your kindness for weakness and they expect you to stay kind to them through everything they put you through because they’re hoping that you never change despite everything they do to you. That’s not how it works, nice people are like ticking timebombs nice people are human and can only take so much. It truly sucks being nice and having a good heart and mostly pure intentions in this world. The world is full of those who feed off of and try destroy those who are kind, the world can be very cruel.

Although the world is a very cruel, scary, cold place to be in it can also be beautiful, positively powerful, and a blessing. It’s like looking at a glass as half empty or half full. There’s a lot of broken people trying to break others because they’re broken as well as broken people trying hard not to break others because they’re broken. There’s people who come from a toxic background and either they keep the toxic cycle going or they change for the better to break the toxic cycle. As humans we have to decide what side of the playing field we want to be on. The good side or the bad and whatever you choose determines the type of person you, the type of mindset and agenda you have. I feel like we all have the power to choose how we live and how we view the world. Yes it’s always been crazy and painful but through pain and the craziness of the storms are beauty and rainbows.

I know that with how history has been and the way the world is today it’s hard to have hope of a greater tomorrow. I know that with all the constant blood shed and violence in the past and currently it’s hard to be optimistic and be fortunate to be here. I know that there’s a lot of tears, a lot that’s been destroyed and turned into pain and ashes. I know that there’s so much struggle and so many people who are out here hurting people because they can and because they’ve been hurt. I know some are on the brink of giving up but there are those who find the good in every bad. They find the lesson behind the pain, the blood shed, the tears that have fallen. They found a lesson in buildings and people being destroyed, they found the sun and rainbow after the storm. Those people who keep hope alive, the people that pray and believe in God, the ones who see the positivity in each negative are the people who will one day prevail. Those people will one day be the break through of all the pain we cause each other, they’ll be the break through to balance everything out. We have to, unfortunately accept that we need the negative as much as we need the positive. Yes ideally the world would be a better place with nicer people but that world doesn’t exist. I’m hopeful that one day we’ll be more balanced with the good and the bad, one day we’ll have more good and positive days to make the world a better place. We need to one day balance out all the bad of our history.