Pine and oak

June 17, 2019

He’s tall, about 6’2”, green eyes, and brown hair. He looked sophisticated and mature. He looked at me with intent, with love. I was not used to someone looking at me with so much appreciation and respect. I knew I liked him but right now I feel something new, like weights have been lifted off my shoulders. We have been friends for years, why now? Why me?

His voice sounded different, more sincere, more mature. I did not realize I loved him the way I do. He always had a girlfriend, I always thought I would be just a friend. Today, today is different, It is more than just a friendship it’s growing. His voice was smooth asking to sleep in my truck. His friends looked at me knowing I should go out there with him, I was confused and hesitant. What if he was just being friendly? What if he’s always looked at me like that? What could have changed his mind? All these questions were running through my head. I could not figure out what to do. Do I go outside and get rejected? Do I get accepted? Do I stay inside and regret it? I have never felt so helpless in a decision. So I decided to give it a chance and see where it leads. I went out to the truck and I knew I made the right decision. He looked at me with his green eyes and his mouth was curved into a smirk. He was handsome, the most handsome man I have ever seen.

It’s a summer night so it is not cold, it's warm and inviting, I could not help but cuddle with him anyhow. We decided to watch a movie under the stars to pass time while we were trying to fall asleep. The movie was the last thing I was focused on. He had my attention, my full attention. He looked at me and told me to watch the movie I rented so I was not wasting money, but it was so hard with him so close. Does he feel the same? This question was circling my thoughts and was answered when he kissed me not a hard kiss but a smooth passionate strong kiss, like he has been yearning for me for months. I gave in and kissed him back. My question was answered and I could not help but smile by the thought of him wanting me. When I let my guard down his friend decided to scare us and I embarrassed myself by squealing and he laughed at me. The way he just looked at me was different from the way other people have looked at me in the past. I felt beautiful, my insecurities washed from me, like when waves left the sandbank. Why does he make me feel like this? He’s a friend of 3 years. I was jealous whenever he had a girlfriend but I thought that was because I did not want to lose a friend. I had to stop these thoughts so I looked at the sky. The sky seemed more colorful and brighter. The air was more breathable and everything made sense. I love him, I’m in love with him. He’s perfect. He was warm and he smelt of pine and oak, it was inviting. He held me like he did not want to let me go. I knew I did not want him to let me go. Could he possibly love me? I did not want him to let go so I fell asleep on his chest smelling his scent longing for more.

With love,

Haruhi Suoh