Parental Anger Has the Most Harmful Effects on the Child

About the parent's anger - how is the child affected when his parent often loses his temper and pours out his anger on him (anger caused by the child or others)?

We live in a world full of negativity: everywhere we see frustrated people, nervous people, people behaving as if they are all enemies. A parent gathers frustration, nervousness, tension every day and it happens that the target of their outpouring is the child… But what effects does all this anger have on the child?

About parental anger - what children tell us:

"I remember when I was little, I would hear him come home nervous and start yelling at my mother out of nowhere. I was angry too, I didn't understand why my mother was sitting there and swallowing without saying anything, and when I grew up, I started to take her defense and confront him; to see us screaming now: he screams, I scream - my mother is sitting there… I can't wait to leave this house and not see her face anymore, I only feel sorry for my mother "… (boy, 16 years old)

"My father had - and still has - bad days: he's so nervous, he screams at us all. For a long time, I used to go before he came home to the room and pretend to write hard at school, even if I didn't have anything. If I didn't hear the screams, I would end up eating; if it started, I would stay away and go to bed early without going out at all, because he would take care of me when he saw me. I'm not home now. " (girl, 15 years old).

"My sister and I are used to reading the signs of her mother's condition: by voice, by look, by the expression - we know immediately if it will be one of the days when she is nice and we are happy or if it will be one of the days when the madwoman attacks us nervously "(boy, 16 years old).

"My mother screamed like she was crazy - she always screamed when I was making a fuss, but she screamed well and thankfully and when I didn't do anything: it was never good for her what I was doing. Maybe that's why I'm silent: when I hear a scream, I turn around and leave. I think she's just unhappy - but what's wrong with me and my brothers ?! Now, I only go home on vacation. At least she doesn't scream on the phone - she says she misses me, but I would never go back there. " (girl, 17 years old).

How many children could tell us similar stories about their parents' anger and how they grew up having to endure aggressive outbursts - as a direct target or as a witness ?! If we listened to what the children had to say, we would hear even more impressive stories, stories about parents who forget to control themselves and what they use more than screaming - they also use physical violence.

The anger of the parent who constantly pours his frustrations on the child has a destructive effect. Anger only leads to more anger. Anyone who gets angry, any parent can lose their temper at some point, any parent has more escapes and screams. But when anger dominates the parent-child relationship, when outbursts of anger dominate the family environment, when the child is forced to hide from fear or read signs that show how nervous the parent is - then the situation is so far from normal and what a family means… The effects of verbal violence are as harmful as those of physical violence, it should be clear.

Parental anger has the most harmful effects on the child:

It gives birth to anger: the negativity is transmitted to the child; the child, whether he is witnessing the parent's anger (when he pours his nervousness on the other parent), or is the target of anger, will accumulate frustrations until he also manifests himself aggressively, confronting the parent.

It gives him resentment: as one of the teenagers told us when they grew up in an environment full of aggression: "What was my fault?". A balanced and empathetic relationship is slowly being destroyed by frequent episodes of anger.

It affects her self-confidence: "It was never good for her what I was doing." The child who is the target of the parent's anger will grow up with the idea that it is also his fault, that the parent manifests himself in this way. He was wrong because he is not good enough. Being often the target of anger makes you feel helpless, useless - until you reach the limit of endurance and become angry at yourself.

She is afraid. The child who gets used to hearing the screams of his parents so often, who knows that he can always become the target of their anger, ends up living in constant fear: he hides in his room, avoiding being around the nervous parent; learns to see signs that the parent is in a "bad day"; he always sits like a nail, waiting for a burst. The family and the home are by no means an environment that offers comfort and safety.

Take it away. The child who grows up in a negative environment, full of aggression, who is a witness or the constant target of the outpouring of the parent's anger, ends up wanting to go away.

Over time, the child becomes emotionally estranged from the parent (and sometimes even hates him). Although he may find excuses for her ("I think she's just unhappy"), these are still not enough for the child now raised to forgive: "But what was my fault?" The little child who often sees his father's anger pouring over him may even come to believe that his mother/father does not love him…

It directly influences him - a child who frequently sees his parent manifesting aggressively will learn this pattern of reaction to frustration. Children who grew up in an aggressive atmosphere are more aggressive - they become angry with their parents and situation and learn this pattern of behavior.

The parent's anger must therefore always be kept in check: you may still lose your temper and scream - but work and try to realize that anger does not solve anything, on the contrary, it destroys and gives birth to more anger, in you and the child. . When you feel too tense, about to explode, try not to make children your target and find ways to calm and maintain emotional balance.