Out of the Darkness: Appreciating What It Means to Be Me

When I first saw Rick's unofficial challenge, my ideas instantly sparked. But then they fizzled out as the days went by, each day almost identical to the last.

How could I write about the things I love about myself when I felt like I was barely existing, wasting time, getting nowhere with where I wanted to be?

Being halfway through my time off between jobs, I had higher expectations for myself.

I should be making progress on my novel.

I should be working on the projects I've put off.

I should be doing more.

But what better time than now to bring forward the positives?

So, thanks to Rick's challenge, I decided to take the dive into appreciating what it means to be me and recognize that sometimes I need to immerse myself in the dark moments to emerge in the light.

Here is a list (in no particular order) of some of the things that have come from the darkness:

#1 Appreciation for Music

Music will always have an important role in my life, whether it is simply listening to the thousands of songs on Spotify or sitting down at the piano to play songs I've had memorized for decades. There isn't a day without music and its accompanied emotional connections. I am incredibly grateful to have inherited this love for music from my parents and grandparents over the years.

#2 Attention to Detail

Maybe this quality comes with being an introvert, but I seem to be drawn to the tiny details, the things that other people might miss. I am a quiet observer, taking note of everything around me.

#3 Newfound Comfort in Doing Things Alone

Many things have changed for me over the past five years, and one of the greatest things has been gaining the confidence to do things alone. Once the pandemic subsided, I traveled abroad by myself to attend writing retreats, went to book events without a companion, and faced the awkwardness of asking for a table for one at restaurants. Don't get me wrong, I still have anxiety about doing these things, and I can't take all the credit (thanks, sertraline!), but I've learned to manage my anxious thoughts without them hindering my ability to be independent.

#4 My Skin

As someone with psoriasis, my skin has never been something I wanted to highlight. Ever since I was ten years old, I tried to cover up all the dry scaly patches of skin on my body to avoid the stares and comments. Only recently, I've gotten my psoriasis under control with new medication, and I've learned to accept my skin for how it is. It will always be a part of me and now I embrace it.

#5 Being a Creative and a Scientist

This makes me think of the left- versus right-brain discussion and how we decide if we are one or the other. Why can't we be both? Sometimes I feel like my creative and scientific brains are at odds with each other, but there are many moments where they work in tandem and that's when the magic happens.

#6 My Emotional Depth

Over the years, I've realized that I tend to feel more deeply than others, that certain events have a greater impact on me emotionally. The realization of being an empath has brought greater awareness and a better understanding of the world around me.

#7 My Uncanny Memory

My memory is usually pretty good, but I tend to remember random (mostly trivial) things. However, it can come in handy when your family can't remember where they parked the car in the MGM parking lot at Disney World (on the parking garage level with the yellow King Kong picture), when a friend can't find a particular DVD (in her basement, stacked on the floor next to the TV), or when you need to cinch a second place trivia win with a question about Jumanji (the last animal to appear in the stampede scene is a rhino).

#8 Introversion

I've always been labeled as the shy, quiet girl. I used to think that was a bad thing. But the pandemic showed me that I am comfortable with staying home and doing simple things, like reading and writing, without the need for constant human interaction. And that is okay.

#9 Fascination with Puzzles and Mysteries

Whether it's watching true crime shows, reading thrillers, writing suspense, attempting the day's New York Times puzzles, or solving the next Murdle mystery, I enjoy putting my mind to a good challenge. Even though I don't use my forensic science degree professionally, I still find ways to apply my knowledge every day.

#10 Being a Writer

Enough said.

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For Rick Henry Christopher's Self-Appreciate Challenge!