OutCast

OutCast in the dark (Hidden)

Where could I begin when I felt it as soon as I was born… at least as young as I can remember. Even though we be amongst the family in the beginning, it is a feeling as such that should not be felt… but it has, and it is a feeling I thought would be one day forgotten, but it has not been forgotten. It runs through my veins each day as if it were a luxury… a need… an addiction that becomes a want that we know will tear us apart. So, I ask…

Where is the highest and where is the prince of this world, even they travel extremely far from my soul. Where are my foes and where are my hearts for they act as if they were, but again I ask?... where was and where am I, there were many that I thought would follow?

I treated and convinced myself that I was an outcast to many others without knowing it. Whether it be by design or by default. Whichever it be it made me find a realization in me that the definition of a lone wolf might not be so bad. The realization happened in high school which was at its peak. weaving through many and keeping a straight gaze ahead for my status of an individual did not match theirs.

How I could tell was by our clothes, our circle, our binders to our involvement with the outside world. There I could tell, but I was too shy to raise a voice, there I was scared to say a voice that I had, that have been louder than I could imagine. Little did I know, the loudest I go would be through my writing and the words in which I choose. I stood quietly in class and tried… I had fun in recreational in some and participated in many for a side gig for I knew that would be a way out of the mundane. Not looking for a beneficial factor but for a way to explore.

Did I go wrong there? Did I not seize the opportunity? Did I not just be me and be at the foundation of all sports and side groups as I stood in the back doing the bare minimum to pass a so-called initiation… hence the creating my own ‘out cast’. Nevertheless, I found myself through all. I have been all and I have seen a lot and through that, I stuck myself through the bottom to which I come to realize… default.

A lone wolf to the highest needed and so I sit here, currently, typing on an Acer keyboard, one thirty in the morning as if it were my diary. Spilling my thoughts of an outcast thinking where did I go wrong? Did I go wrong? And if so, is my out-cast tendencies for the greater? We can do great in the dark as we do in the light. Maybe it is not so bad. Many things that are great happen through great timing and I am here to wish to explain further but I can not, I know the feelings and thoughts of an outcast. The thoughts be an outside world that may not be accepting. We are the outside box thinkers, the dark thoughts realizers, the outcasts for the general, ingrained in many groups, in my opinion, blessed to find another. For we wish to be a part of to share a different perspective in which we think much will not see.

Personally… I felt as I feel now… an outcast and the same as a lone wolf… we are hidden in the dark and the dark we will not rise from. So, our world will be unknown to the outside for we will always be… outcasts.