Our Romance Was A Shallow One...

"I wish I was dead sometimes. Then again, there is apart of me that knows once I am dead, I would not know that I was.

Perhaps instead, I often wish that I could understand that my life was over and want to do nothing of it? What would it feel like to not want to save myself? What was this feeling again?

Was it just angst? Perhaps I wanted forgiveness for something. Maybe I wanted to say I am sorry to myself.

But for what am I sorry for again? I can never quite seem to know. I can never quite seem to capture what it’s like to finally admit I want to live."

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“Congratulations or yet another art exhibit, Lake.”

May’s body was pressed so intimately to mine as usual, whispering so small in my ear; yet how come it felt as if she were screaming tonight.

She backed away from my face suddenly, almost as if to read my thoughts. She always scrunches her brow when she’s feeling frisky. She always gives me a hard time on days of my exhibits. Why must she always probe me like this?

“Are you feeling happy yet?” She added under her breath, peeking one hasty but intentional glance from her peripheral over to me. Her eyes have always been deep pockets of amber and brown, but for some reason they looked an unsettling grey today.

I darted my eyes forward to send the signal that I was too fatigued for our usual banter, though in some ways I always yearned for her to continue. “For the last time, May… No personal questions at work.”

She glanced at the ceiling almost to roll her eyes, but instead shifted her weight just an air closer to me. I could see her breath raising steady under her floor length fox red dress, every inhale glittering the harsh light of the exhibit every across her body. She looked good tonight.

“Lake, more than anyone I know how much you reject socializing, but networking hardly classifies as socializing…” I could almost feel her smirk plant under my skin. “Wouldn’t you agree,” she added in a quick wind, almost to drive further down to trigger me. “Besides, hesitation never pay those bills of yours, Lake.”

I felt my body tighten again as she spidered her hand around my arm, almost unnoticeably tugging me in the direction of the exhibit rooms door. I raised my champagne up to my mouth to buy myself time to respond, but we both knew I wouldn’t argue with the real reason I am here.

I could almost hear her next words banging in my skull. “You’re the guest of honor, Lake.”

I took a minute to look around, trying to glance over the room packed with bureaucrats awaiting my shallow and devilish conversation. I could feel their disapproval from the door of the exhibit, ever growing. Yet somehow year after year they throw money at my exhibits. I will paint the same image over and over again to keep them afloat, but my days were numbered without a solid and successful network by the close of the dusk.

My days were always numbered. My art was always dry. Yet, they barely seem to notice. As long as the dollars pour in, I am kept with my black suit and gray flat - and any woman of my choosing in the radius of my eyes.

I had a crisp feeling that there was nothing more to life than this. I had become the epitome of success... so what more was there to life but then death? I will keep living, even if I know not the point.

My champagne was running low again.

“Did you hear me?” May stunted me from my thoughts. “Act like you want to be here, Lake. They will notice if you throw another fit.”

That’s right, I had almost forgot... The key to success. “Of course May, let’s act.” I slowly mirrored her lazy smirk, grazing my hand alongside the small of her back. “Your eyes look gray tonight.”

She looked down almost as if she didn't know what to say. I make a rule never to comment on her looks, but something about me felt off tonight.

May was the crux of lust. An incarnation of a daydream gone wrong. I tangled my fingers slightly in the ends of her long deep brown hair. She was never mine. Just these small touches keep us somewhere abound.

“Yes Lake, let’s act.” She shivered at my touch and walked like silk into the room.

Yes, my fate was never more than this. Right?

F.A.T.E. Unraveled is a fantasy romance that unconventially follows the stories of five people who all trapped in a love-pentagon. Follow to read more.