Open Letter to Saweetie

Dear Diamonté Quiava Valentin Harper bka Saweetie,

I don’t have eight figures in the bank. I have knowledge, wisdom, and confidence in myself. I can assure you that I can show you game. I am proud of my physical attributes. What about you though? You say you want a baby. You’re blowing up like uranium, and I just want to shoot my shot at you. You want a child right now, before you even release your debut album. We can figure out daddy daycare in the future.

Your confident delivery would intimidate most males and make a boy insecure about himself, but not me. I’m not one of those males. I’m a man of superior substance. I would be honored to put a baby in your belly.

Your intelligence, concern for virtues, ethics, and morals shows what a fine young lady you are. You’d make the ideal mother with me as a protector and purveyor of rationality. I don’t even have to be your man. I just want to be a father to your future child.

If you can withstand the pressure of performing on Saturday Night Live and withstand the pressure of that stage, I know you can understand the life of a Delawarean like myself. In this small state, you’ve got to have security within yourself. I’ve got it like that. I will put you out there to get that money. The joy we will share with our child as you continue to make music and live life in the limelight, we will both be content with all of our choices.

I care about your hair and nails and will direct you on what colors and styles to wear. I care more, though, that you’re a college graduate. That’s sexy as hell. That education must give you some leverage in the game of vampires and mummies sucking off your success and creeping up on you. I’m not one of those lurking in the shadows, I’m telling you right now to continue to get the revenue on the avenue. In your position, you will be directed to cater to my needs as well as the needs of our child.

Your ability to display sassiness and sophistication is not a gift from above, but a skillset you developed through smart work. When you remixed Khia’s song, and then transformed it into “Icy Girl,” you showed the world you had enough ego to do your own thing on someone else’s project.

Now, let’s get to this money. With this deal with Warner, you will be able to provide our future child with a lifestyle most kids don’t get to experience. Your single with Doja Cat, “Best Friend,” could never have happened had you succumbed to the controversy surrounding your collaborator. You rise above all the nonsense to secure the deposits.

You have spoken before about “eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches everyday.” You are far away from those days because you are able to describe the struggle, and how you elevated yourself to the position where you stand today. You show a wealth of maturity.

Again, that money will be for the both of us, and our potential child. I will be there at every show to encourage you to keep receiving those bags of cash. Instead of relying on a man, you have been able to make your own dollars. All I want to do is get a portion of your money as the ideal father to your child.

Knowing the truth about the industry, and understanding contracts, allows you to enjoy creating music. When you generate those funds, you will be making money for me and our likely child, too. You’re too smart and gorgeous to let this opportunity to be with a gentleman of leisure slip.

To take our lives seriously is what you can agree with me on in this case. You know time runs through the fingers like sand. I’m ready to see that cash today. We can discuss the bank account and routing numbers. So until we get to the point where we get together and for you to produce a son or daughter, keep making that money, girl. You have many decisions to make as a public figure. I’m only asking for you to decide on me for your child’s father. I’m just trying to get chosen.



From my mind,



Skyler Saunders