On Journaling

I love starting a new journal. I love these journals. They are the best descriptors of myself that I can think of - better than any qualifier. Qualifier being, an adjective or adverb that comes before a noun or verb that modifies, enhances, or possibly limits one’s understanding of the following said verb or noun. How odd it is... the recognition that you are understood as an object, or rather a direct object that is being described and thus, perceived. One does it all the time, subconsciously or not. Isn't it no different than establishing one’s reputation, or managing others' opinions of you? But nonetheless, how novel of an experience it is to step outside yourself and assess yourself in the third person. That’s what I love about journaling.

I can write pages and pages of words. Sentence by sentence, they fill the page in neat little lines that will waver a bit, naturally. I'm only human of course. From afar you will be impressed by the petite-ness of my words and will maybe remark on the regularity of my lettering. You WILL, however, comment on the dainty quality of my y's and the way they seem to direct the skimming eye to the next character in line. This is when you might look closer and realize that the apparent clarity of my writing lies in the small size of the type and not in the quality of the type itself. You will notice that said appealing curve appears inconsistently amongst the y's of the page and is actually more common amongst the g's. Then your attention will undoubtedly be turned to the way in which many of the letters are bundled together within a word. You decide that this psuedo-cursive is somewhat charming, though it may detract from the overall clarity of the letters themselves. You realize that the words are formed by the impression of letters and not by their distinguishing. You might then wonder how much of my words you are actually reading and how much of them you are only assuming. Then, if you are me, you may question if this is some metaphor for the way in which we as humans move through our lives. By now, you will undoubtedly be tired of straining your eyes to follow the gradually condensing lines of my condensed words as you have more loftier matters on your mind - such as the nature of human beings as social beings. However you'll have already invested too much of your interest to abandon it completely, not this far down the page. With shrinking patience, you'll notice the shrinking size of the text as it nears the bottom of the page. You might read into this, believing that I was desperate to fit in all I had to say. You'll hope that I offer some sort of extrapolation on the proposed theory I had metaphorized earlier. You'll wish that I hadn't pressed so hard while writing, or had used a thinner pen at least. At this point, you will most likely be questioning how you had ever found any of this attractive at all. It doesn't matter to you anymore that my e's look like c's more often than not, or that human beings are self-centered by nature because you would have finally realized that for all I have written on this page, I have written nothing at all.

This all makes me believe that these journals are more of a gluttonous nature than that of the ego, if they were to be categorized as sinful at all. Because really, of what value are these to anyone but myself really? An 11 volume collection of self-indulgent musings, explosions, and observations. I love them and only those that love them, and maybe those that love me, have access to them. For who else would suffer them, if not for love or some equally incensed emotion that implores them to give the same attention to me as I do to myself?

But who knows? Sometimes our deepest thoughts transcend the boundaries of self and we discover that we all have more in common than we thought. The most universal emotions can be aroused by the most mundane details. Somewhat inspired by Maria Popova's BrainPickings, an online blog and newsletter, I'd like to test that theory with a monthly blog of my own that consists of musings on current topics and encourages active unlearning and self-reflection to facilitate the clear expression of thought.