Ode to Me

Dear Me,

I was thinking a lot about who I could write a letter of gratitude to, since I have a lot to share, and then I thought of you (me).Who knows more about what I have done for myself, than you? Please see below for my list of six grateful thoughts, from me, to you (me).

#1) Thank you for sticking around (around me, around here, around Earth), even when it's impossibly hard. You stay as both a friend, and as an older, and more-mature, version of me. I appreciate that only being 25, you manage to remind me that there is so much more life left to live. It helps to remember that on the days when you are swallowed up by your agenda, when your working hours reach a peak and you haven't been snuggled up in bed since 5am. The ability to self-regulate and stop the anxious thoughts to say “Hey, it’s okay. This is just one day out of your long life,” gives your body a breath that can help to relax those ever-rising shoulders.

#2) Thank you for continuing to wake up every day and take on the world with a fresh, and refreshing, positivity. It isn’t easy starting over every sunrise with a factory-made energy for a day that you know will probably be cruel to you. I know that that energy doesn’t come naturally, you have to force it. The effort there doesn’t go unnoticed, and it is worth it.

#3) Thank you for believing in me (you) enough to know that we will make it through the hard days, and that the tears will always dry, even when you are convinced they will shrivel you up like a prune.There is always an end to the overwhelming emotion that makes the tears fall, and sometimes it takes an hour of sitting on the shower floor to remember that.

#4) Thank you for making me (also you) feel less alone when I sit at the bar surrounded by people that cloud my energy. You help me work hard to make that energy likable, to make it sustainable enough to get me through the day. My biggest fear is having that hard work wasted on people who can’t see it, who can’t deserve it.

#5) Thank you for teaching me (you) how to command a room. Even during times of uncertainty, you can hold an ice cube (long story, anxiety-relieving technique) and take over a virtual meeting. You have taught me a feigned confidence that projects itself as a strong, clear, voice. That leadership has gotten me to a place where things might not feel the best inside, but I can make it through the fucking work week.

#6) Thank you for teaching me (you) to love myself, even when my seventeen years of formal education did not teach me that necessary skill. I didn’t realize for a large portion of my life how much I disliked me, and how it was innate to not like yourself. Every single day you help me work to change that; you tell me in the mirror that I CAN like what I see. Even when it’s hard, and even when I don’t believe you.

Together, you and me, we work hard to shape this being into one to be proud of. It’s not easy, and it’s not required to work on as a human being, it's just an extra. An extra effort that is aiding in the craftsmanship of my life, in creating the adult that I am becoming. We are rewiring my anxious brain until I can be standing in front of a crowd with the most confident and self-secure smile on my face. I will appreciate that day and wait for it with open arms. Until then, I will try to wake up with vigor and continue to teach myself (yourself, ourself). I love working with you to get there.

Sincerely,

Me (you)