Obsessed With Someone Who Isn’t Your Partner?

Do you love your partner, but sometimes find yourself thinking about someone else?

Love is a complex topic that fascinates us, yet it remains one of the least understood areas of our lives. Numerous factors influence how love develops and functions, including cultural norms, societal taboos, preconceived ideas, educational messages, trends, and even our age. These elements make it challenging to pinpoint exactly how love originates and why it unfolds the way it does.

We often create an idealized fantasy of what a romantic relationship should be, shaped by the factors mentioned above. We tend to imagine our love story as the best, filled with romance and the hope of finding our soulmate—the "one" meant for us. This can lead to unrealistic expectations, where we expect our partner to be or do things based on these ideals, resulting in a kind of self-deception in love.

This mindset often ties the concept of an "ideal partner" to the idea of absolute fidelity, leading to the belief that if you think about someone else, it means you're not truly in love. This doubt can start to influence your behavior, potentially impacting your relationship.

It’s normal to occasionally think about someone else while in a relationship—it happens to many people.

As humans, we enjoy the feeling of being liked and often engage in harmless flirting when meeting new people. This attraction doesn’t necessarily mean there's a threat to your relationship or fidelity.

If we hold a rigid, overly romanticized view of love, we might believe that thinking about someone else is wrong. But with a more realistic perspective, we can recognize that this is a common experience and that most of the time, these attractions are fleeting and harmless.

Fantasy can be a healthy outlet, allowing us to release tension or channel strong emotions. For example, if you’re frustrated with a difficult boss, you might fantasize about telling them off, but that doesn’t mean you’ll actually do it.

Similarly, thinking about someone you find attractive, even imagining an intimate scenario, doesn’t mean you’ll act on it.

Trying to suppress these thoughts can lead to a cycle of doubt and obsession that might negatively affect your relationship. In such cases, we might start to:

Question whether we truly love our partner because of these thoughts.

Search for signs within the relationship to prove our love, which could lead to unnecessary tension and controlling behavior.

Feel guilty and try to force the thoughts away.

Focus more on the negatives in the relationship, fueling our doubts.

These actions, though well-intentioned, can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the relationship actually begins to suffer. Ironically, trying to forget the other person can make us think about them even more, turning what might have been a fleeting thought into an obsession.

So, how can we stop these thoughts from taking over? One approach is to allow yourself a designated time each day to think about the person.

By doing this, you control when and how much you think about them, rather than letting the thoughts control you.

This practice can help you clear your mind and determine whether your feelings are just an obsession or a sign of a deeper issue in your relationship. You might also realize that the person is simply a good friend you care about, and that love can exist in many forms—not just romantic.

Remember, falling in love can be fleeting, but true love endures. It requires care, respect, and a lot of understanding, without guilt or dependency.

If you find yourself struggling with these thoughts and it’s causing distress, don’t hesitate to seek help. There’s no need to suffer in silence when solutions are available.