Obedient Brown Child

If you save yourself you save the world. These words burrowed deeply into my conscience. I had heard a similar message from my ancestors for many years now but was never ready until today. I heard them whisper in my ears. I saw flashes of their lights. I felt their strong and familiar presence. I messaged my lover, he hadn't always been faithful or dedicated. Now he listened with an open heart and would never hesitate again to follow me into the unknown. He knew I had an intuition gifted by the universe. It had saved our lives many times. I never left the house without it. It paired well with my iron will, which was handed down from generations of artists and healers. My family mainly consisted of women. Brown women who looked like me whom I would never meet on this physical plan always spoke to me. After finding myself through years of healing every kind of pain, I knew myself well. I sat in nature listening to their voices as they guided me to the light. To know oneself is the beginning of knowing one's origins. They dwelled by the ocean, warriors marching from promised land to promised land. Their message was clear tonight. "Do not eat flesh. It is cursed." Since I was never one to doubt myself, a power I also bestow on anyone I meet, I interpreted this message as a sign to stop eating meat. I didn't take to the streets to preach. I felt a need to share this message but I trusted only one to truly hear. He found it hard at first to stop. It was like he was addicted. I led by example and fed only on fruits and veggies. I hadn't been a big salad fan until these days called for it. No more dairy as well, I thought one day after indulging in cheese. One of my favorite of Earth's delicacies. It tore up my insides and the pain spread ever so slightly throughout my body clogging things up where I needed them to flow. "You will be rewarded." I heard my late grandmother Mary's voice. I needed to remind myself as soon as possible. I would get a piercing, all of my piercings had deeply spiritual meanings. This one would remind me to not eat meat no matter how tempting. I loved meat and more specifically spicy chicken sandwiches. I would not only need to faithfully follow the instructions of my ancestors but I would need to sacrifice something convenient and appealing to me. Abandon my way of life since I could chew. I offered a similar reward to my Lover. A heavy lover of art, he desperately longed for tattoo therapy. "We're really doing this! " he exclaimed.

"You hold the balance." I heard this and my fingers started typing. I researched how I could save the planet and help climate control. I mentioned once online how I was giving up spicy chicken sandwiches to help save the world. None of my 50 friends online replied. This message was indeed for me. This sacrifice I made would be out of total obedience to a greater way ahead of me. With my intention pure and my mindset, I booked the appointment for my piercing and my lover's tattoo. As soon as I got off the phone I felt ill. I had that familiar feeling where your mouth waters and you feel quite uneasy. I ran to the bathroom and purged the darkness from my body. I heard screams and then laughter as I quickly vomited a terribly smelly and putrid substance from the darkest and deepest depths of my being. I breathed in deeply. "Now burn it. Burn it." The voices of my family rang loud in my head. I took a book of matches from beside my yellow candle by the sink. I swiped two and dropped them into the toilet. Then the world moved in one small moment. The contaminated water erupted with fire and I gasped and fell to the floor. I then heard faint cheers and felt a hand on my back. "Omowe', " I heard. It meant, "All is well."

When the time came, I got the corners of my mouth pierced. When I felt the blood dripping from my face I smiled. I would always remember. "Do not eat flesh. It is cursed." Next, my lover got a tattoo on his arm. "Do not eat flesh. It is cursed."

On the way out we spoke to the few people present of the spiritual purposes in our piercings and tattoos. Then we spoke of the moon, the breeze in the night and we planned a trip on a train. We rarely discussed money. It came and went like the wind. For an unknown reason, I decided to check my online banking. As it loaded I arrived at my home in time to see my roommates unloading heavy paper bags from the grocery store. I put my phone in my back pocket and started to help them put things away. I noticed all of the groceries were vegetables and fruit. There were pasta and granola and herbal teas which were my favorite. "No meat?" I asked impressed and surprised. "We thought you could use the extra support." I smiled and hugged my Lover filled with a joy I had never experienced before. I laughed a bit and it felt contagious. I never felt this kind of support before. I looked down and noticed a small black notebook. "May I?", I asked my Lover. A few years before into our turbulent past he would have said no and on one occasion in particular he probably had. This time he nodded and handed it to me. I flipped through it slowly as if holding his heart. His innermost personal thoughts were written in a tiny and neat script throughout its beginning pages. I scribbled a little love note of my own and realized in the years leading up to this moment we had gone through everything together. Mistrust and doubt were frequently disrupting our lives. We felt stagnated and bored at times. That all changed drastically and gradually, we split apart and I spent many days alone. Now we had come full circle. He believed in my words when I spoke them instead of challenging me. I forgave myself for giving up on him when things got tough. I knew our union was divinely guided. I believe that we are written in the stars. I trusted him again and he trusted me. I snuggled up to him in our warm embrace. As my phone rang, likely a spam caller, I unlocked my phone and read what I never thought I would. 20,000 dollars was available in my checking account. I forgot to breathe for a moment. This was a gift from my ancestors.