O'Connell Bridge - Pt. 26

LC met Seamus for breakfast—a simple fare of small biscuits and jams. “I will set out clothes for your morning tea with Clarice. You remember how you received her yesterday; it’s the same for tea, except she will be more business dressed, as will you. Your lighter suit with a cheerful tie will be appropriate.”

At 10:30 AM, Clarice arrived. She was dressed in a white pantsuit with blue blouse and low heels. LC received her in the proper manner and with a two cheek kiss escorted her into the dining room where tea was ready to be served. “You look beautiful today,” he told her, “but then again, you always look nice.”

“Such flattery,” she teased. “And, you look very nice right now too.”

“Thank you.”

“Okay, now we start on basic manners for dinner. We’ll begin with conversation. As I have mentioned, a gentleman never states his personal problems with a lady. Now, if they are married having a grievance session, that’s different,” she giggled. “But, in all seriousness the topics of dinner conversation must be limited to subjects to which your date is knowledgeable or interested. Never try to blow a lady over with bragging or subjects too technically different than what she already is aware. Does that make sense?”

LC agreed. “I see what you’re saying. Only talk about things you have in common.”

“Almost,” she corrected. “Interesting topics are always pleasing.”

“I think I understand.”

“Mrs. O’Neil is an exception. First of all, you do not speak unless directly addressed. If she wants your input or discussion she will ask for it. All of the other rules apply.”

“You mean no discussion of problems.”

“That’s right. Think of it this way; she runs a multi-national investment conglomerate, her interest in you is at best curious. But, any statement you make to her will be at her request and because your information is critical to her thinking or her business. A key here is brutal honesty. When she asks you a question, you must be completely honest, no hedging as you say; even if it is embarrassing or hurts your ego. To do otherwise would be hazardous. If she didn’t embarrass you publicly you would be shunned or at best dismissed from her presence.”

“Doesn’t she have family?”

Clarice leaned back in chair. “I’m surprised you didn’t find that information out online, you did research the company and her, did you not?”

“Yes, I did, but I don’t remember much personal information.”

“Some of it is out there. But, Mrs. O’Neil is a very private person. Her husband passed away in the 90s.”

LC interrupted. “I did read that, and the majority of the milling operation was sold, is that right?”

“Almost. She owns controlling interest in like industries in other parts of the world which were not included in the original sale.”

“So other family then?”

“There’s a distant great niece.”

LC thought for a second. “You said ‘a’ as in one, is that correct?”

Clarice nodded.

LC thought he detected a sadness in the woman across the table. “Is something wrong?”

“No, just thinking. We need to discuss more of your presence at the meeting. First of all there will be a cocktail hour. It starts at 7:00 PM and it ends when Mrs. O’Neil sits or says it ends. You may not drink. Let me make this abundantly clear. Club soda or ginger ale and keep a breath mint handy. It is likely she will want to meet you on the floor. That is to say, not at a table. I will be with you to guide you through this. We don’t know when, but she will suddenly walk up to you and Simmons will introduce you. Shake her hand in an American business manner; quickly, no non-sense. Your reply is, 'Pleased to meet you.' Absolutely, anyone else you meet, and there will be some, your response is, 'How do you do?'.”

“I can remember that.”

“Think of responses you can use. Like if she asks you what you think of Seamus, say, he’s a good man and a great help.”

“What if she asks about you?” LC watched Clarice. “You know, she understands what you’ve been doing, right?”

“She directed it.”

LC looked closely at Clarice’s face. Although made up, there were no age indications. “Did you go to college?”

Clarice grinned. “Trying to guess my age. But, yes, I graduated from Trinity a year ago.”

“What was your major?”

“Not that it is any of your business, but International Business Studies and French. Yours, I know were Biochemistry and minors in Anatomy/Kinesiology. And, you graduated this Spring and hope to go to medical school; your grade point average was 3.87 on a 4 point scale and you graduated sixth in your class.”

“You read the report.”

“I probably know more about you than you do. That’s a joke by the way.”

“I had to have a complete physical to come here.”

“I know.”

LC stared at his companion. “You work for Mrs. O’Neil. What exactly do you do?”

“More or less what I’m doing now?”

“You take in strays like me and teach them to raise their pinkies.”

“No. You know, you’re funny. I make investment opportunities for the corporation. I look for places for Mrs. O’Neil to spread the corporate blanket.”

LC was troubled. “You mean I am just another O’Neil Corporation project?”

“Hardly.” She reached across the table and touched his hand. “Mrs. O’Neil asked to meet you, I simply complied.”

LC was still a little bothered. “I got cryptic notes, about O’Connell bridge and so forth.”

“Mostly Simmons idea. We were afraid a straight invitation would be somewhat either ignored or have too many strings and issues. You had to decide to come, on your own, out of creative interest. For no other reason than to meet Mrs. O’Neil, no additional thoughts.”

“What if I had said, no, this is harassment?”

“You almost did, and we almost called the whole thing off; but Mrs. O’Neil said to give it one more try. That is I was directed to continue. She even got involved a bit. I backed off the ‘or I may die statement.’ Did you notice?”

“So you and Simmons cooked all this up?”

It was Clarice’s turn to blush. “Yes and no. We had direction and help. I give credit to Mrs. O’Neil. The event on O’Connell Bridge is real enough though and if all goes well it will be a special event in yours and her life.”

LC didn’t know whether to be angry or display any emotion. “I’m here to meet Mrs. O’Neil, and apparently you don’t know why either other than this bridge thing.”

“Maybe I have an inkling, but I’ll not share it with you because I could be totally wrong.”

LC felt perplexed and must have shown it.

Clarice reached both hands across the table. LC finally relented and put his hands in hers. “I would tell you if I knew anything for sure.” She squeezed his hands. “I have to go back to work. But, I wanted this opportunity to answer some of your questions so you’re not blind to everything. Walk me to the car please.”

LC could hear the trepidation in her voice.

As they walked she said, “This afternoon we will work on certain table manners. I am glad we talked. How do you feel?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. But I appreciate you speaking frankly with me.”

LC asked for her car, and when it came and the door was opened he kissed her deeply.

“Too much for public,” she whispered in his ear and squeezed his hand.

“Are you going to wear the short skirt again?”

She gently slapped his arm and then got into the car.

Again he stood next to the drive and wondered what had just happened. He looked for Seamus but he wasn’t to be found, so LC walked back into the hotel and for the first time in his life he thought about what to wear to a hurling match. When he got to his room he found out. Seamus had put jeans and a knit shirt on the dressing table and a note for him to meet in the bar at 11:50. “Cool.”

He spent most of the early afternoon with Seamus explaining the game of Hurling.

“Hurling combines the skills of baseball, hockey, and lacrosse in one high speed, high scoring sport,” LC read the blurb he was given at the match. “It’s sorta violent field hockey. I guess.”

They left before the match was over and hurried back to the hotel.

Seamus quickly picked out tan slacks and the blue blazer for LC to wear, plus a white knit shirt. “This is tea, it’s not formal. Stuffy Englishmen wear ascots and such. You don’t have to. Meet her as usual and expect to spend quite a bit of time at the table. I asked the kitchen staff to put two complete place settings on the table for you.

At 4:00 PM, LC waited for Clarice’s car to arrive. Five minutes later the sedan pulled in and LC’s practiced routine went into full swing.

“I trust you enjoyed the Hurling match?” Clarice took his arm and her hand slipped further down his wrist.

“I did.”

They walked into the empty dining room. “We are going to work on dining—without food. Here you have a table with two place settings. First, once when you start to eat you should never leave spoon, fork or knife on the table. Their place is on the plate.”

“There’s a lot of silverware here.”

“Seat me and I’ll explain.”

LC went through the proper seating of Clarice and then seated himself opposite.

“Now some of this is going against what you may have been taught in America. Like, when having a pause between bites you should leave your fork and knife on the plate in the shape of a letter 'X.' If it’s easier for you to remember, place your fork in position of 8 o’clock and knife in position of 4 o’clock. In this way a waiter will know that you are not finished yet, hopefully you have a literate waiter or waitress. Questions so far?” She picked up the utensils and demonstrated the crossing of knife and fork.

LC looked at the plates. “I think I got it. If I’m not actively eating then cross knife and fork.” He repeated what he had seen Clarice do.

She smiled. “Close enough, we’ll work on it. Boring Englishmen often talk with their utensils in hand. Don’t.”

“When you finish with each course your knife, with the blade turned in and fork placed beside the knife on the plate diagonally from upper left to lower right. 10 to 5 o’clock.” She demonstrated and LC followed. “People will be watching you at the dinner. Few will expect an American man with manners. Though they will all know you came to meet Mrs. O’Neil and the consequences of that act.”

“Even though it was her idea?”

“Yes.”

“Knife and fork together when finished. I can remember that.”

“Okay, here’s the hard one. We hold a fork in your left hand and knife in a right hand. This is the European way. We do not change hands to eat. In America people use this method to cut meat, and then they switch fork to the right hand to eat. For our dinner and the dinner with Mrs. O’Neil, stick to the European way.”

“Okay.”

“Practice.”

“Okay.”

“This is kind of out of order, but when seated you should place your napkin on your lap. Large dinner napkins should be folded in half after opening and before placing on one’s lap. Never and I mean never blow your nose on a napkin. This is a definite sin and in many upscale restaurants could get you expelled.”

“Really? Not that I ever have nor will I ever.”

“Really good to know.”

“When finished with the meal, you should place your napkin to the left of your plate. Never put it on a plate.”

“Left of plate? Why”

“Just do it. It’s another indication you have finished the meal.”

“Okay.” LC folded the napkin and put on the left side.

“If you have to leave the table for a moment you should place your napkin on the chair. Do not hang it over the back of the chair.”

“Okay.”

“I’ve witnessed American’s doing what I’m going to describe and it makes me sick. When eating meat, you should cut one small piece at a time. If it’s for a child, make sure the child is eating off of a child’s plate, then you can do whatever it takes, but best to start teaching them proper etiquette.”

“Got it.”

“Don’t take big bites or don’t talk with your mouth full, for that matter avoid speaking with any food in your mouth.”

“My mama taught me better,” LC said proudly.

Clarice nodded to LC and moved to the soup bowl. “When eating soup, tip the bowl away from you and scoop the soup up with your spoon.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Soup should always be taken, without slurping of course, from the side of the spoon.”

“Hmmm. I guess that means tipping the bowl up for a drink is a no-no.”

Clarice frowned at LC. “Wait until you’re done chewing to have a drink.”

“What if you’re choked?”

“Liam, remember what I said about smaller bites?”

“I understand.”

“Avoid slouching and don’t place your elbows on the table while eating although it is okay to prop your elbows on the table while conversing between courses.”

“I was always taught never to put elbows on table.”

“Not a totally bad policy.” Clarice leaned back.

“Again, mama taught me well.”

“Most Americans I know think somebody is going to steal their dinner. Take your time while eating. Dinner is not a sprint race. It’s a social gathering, not a medieval feast. The restaurant knows this and so schedules reservations.”

“Oh, I love medieval feasts. Eat with your hands.”

“Gross. Use your utensils from the outside in. The fork farthest to the outside is the one you should use for the appetizer. When the next part of the meal comes, simply use the next outermost fork, and so on.” She pointed to each piece of silverware. “The same goes for the spoons and knives. If you’re in a fancy restaurant you might be lucky enough to have waiters who will remove any utensils you won’t need. Americans sometimes put desert spoons or coffee spoons at the top of the plate, I do not know why.”

“That’s one I might need help with. I never had more than two forks at the table in my life, and definitely no more than a spoon and an iced tea spoon or soup spoon.”

“Can you bring your family to my course?”

“For the most part I wouldn’t take my family across the street.”

“You need to change your attitude.”

“Hey it’s my family. We’re eat with fingers people.”

“Okay Liam, you may eat chicken and pizza with your fingers if, and note I said if, you are at a barbecue, finger buffet, or very informal setting. Otherwise always use a knife and fork.”

“Ah, okay. Y’all don’t have family reunions do you?

“Yes, why?”

“Plastic ware and fingers only utensils available.”

“Gross.”

“Come with me sometime. I think part of it is the plastic ware is less dangerous when the fight starts.”

Clarice’s eyes got big. “Really? How many people are there.”

“Everyone who can get there comes, it’s a huge party in the local park. Police usually show up before dark.”

“You’re kidding aren’t you?”

“Absolutely not, you need to visit.”

She smiled. “I’d like that. Okay. Let’s concentrate. Hold a stemmed glass by the stem. This is to prevent cold drinks, such as white wine from becoming warmed by your hand.

“Why?” LC picked up a wine glass by the stem.

“White wine is chilled. Red is served room temperature.”

“I’ve seen that in movies.”

“In a restaurant, it is normal to pay for your food by putting your money on the plate the bill comes on. Most restaurants give you credit card folders now.”

“I know that.”

“Don’t reach over someone’s plate for something, ask for the item to be passed over.”

“Remember what I told you about family reunions?”

“If you don’t know which is your water-glass, bread plate, or napkin, always follow 'OK rule.' Make OK signs with both hands. The left one is forming letter “b” for bread and the right one is forming letter “d” as for drinks. So, now you will know on which side goes which item.”

“Well, how about that.”

“Always say ‘excuse me’ when you leave the table.”

“Reasonable.”

Clarice pointed at LC’s cellphone. “Do not put your cell phone on the table.”

“Aw, Clarice, everyone does it.”

“Don’t.”

“And, don’t use your cell phone during dinner. If you are expecting an urgent call, excuse yourself and do the conversation elsewhere.”

“Don’t ya hate it when somebody is on Bluetooth in the booth behind you and chatting away?”

“Absolutely horrified.”

There is no need to over tip the waiter. Don’t show off. You are not Bill Gates. Besides, tipping in Europe, while done is not a pervasive as it is in America.”

“Think about this, if you are wearing suit or only a jacket and pants, each time you sit down you should unbutton one button. Each time you stand up, you should re-button the jacket button.”

“I wondered about that. Like I unbuttoned this jacket early cause I needed to breathe.”

“I hope you plan to re-button it.”

“If you say so.”

“Last and most important tip is: always saying ‘thank you’ when served something. It is a sign of appreciation.”

“Is there going to be a test on this?”

“It’s all a test. Because you are an outsider, the people associated with Mrs. O’Neil will be watching you like a hawk. Let’s go through it again. Just imitate me and I’ll tell you each piece of the meal we might be having and the right silverware.”

“Okay.” For the next ten minutes they practiced.

Clarice finally took his hand. “Take me to my car.”

LC nodded and just as practiced he held her chair and then she took his arm.

In an ante way between the dining room and the lobby was a folding partition and was otherwise a dark vacant space. Clarice pushed LC up against the partition. “Remember when I said, the kiss was too much in public. Well, we’re not in public now.”

To be continued...