Nobody You Know

In my teenage years it was a combustible time for my emotions and thoughts. I was a girl that did not know English, with three older brothers and a single mother. I played with dolls and spoke to them has if they were real to compensate the fact I did not have friends. Until I was in the process of learning English, I discovered American music.

I was a lonely girl with no friends, body of a twig, personality of a hermit, and awkward. Everything was wrong with me! I was made fun of because I did not look like the other girls or just was not charming and bubbly enough.

I listened to music that I felt understood my pain of existing or apologizing for my existence. One of the songs that I till this day carries me during a bad time is "The Reason" by Hoobastank. The first lyric is "I'm not a perfect person" BAM! hits me like a dagger in the chest, immediately waterfalls down my face! It talks about being imperfect, being a screw up yet; learning from mistakes and growing as a person trying to fix the wrongs. I tried so many times to fix the wrongs even things I know I'm not wrong for and this song just relates to me in so many situations.

Backstreet Boys! I must say this boy band had my heart not because of their charm and just overall amazing band but because they had me with one song and it was "I want it that way" Of course, I wish I had everything my way as a teen and I think has humans we always want things our way but it does not happen that way. I was crushing on some fantasy wrestlers at the time of course. Yes, I said wrestlers! I wanted to be noticed and I wanted to feel pretty so I imagined a world where I was what I wanted to be and this song helped me navigate those fantasy worlds where I did have it my way.

Britney Spears "Sometimes" and many other songs as well but lets start with "Sometimes". To me this is the most beautiful song Britney Spears has and this song just makes me want to get up on stage as a teenage girl and with a microphone and sing this to everyone whose ever bullied me, made me feel less of who I am, made me feel like I wasn't worth the time. Some lyrics to describe what I was feeling Sometimes I run "Sometimes I hide, Sometimes I'm scared of you But all I really want is to hold you tight". My interpretation is me wanting to say yes I'm shy and weird but just accept me, sometimes I just need time, a hug, an ear something. I wanted to say that to my father who was never there for me that sometimes I just wanted him to hold me tight and protect me from the world. Another part the song destroys me is when she sings "There's nowhere I'd rather be If you love me, trust in me The way that I trust in you" I trusted the adults in my life to protect me and keep me safe, guide me through the scary world and I wanted to say I want to be here with my family if you love me, love me right, have faith in me because I trust you to help me. "Baby Hit Me One More Time" was another song for me that was fun and I definitely danced around too in my happier moments. It did have some lyrics that were really captivated me to the song which were "My loneliness is killing me (And I) I must confess I still believe (Still believe) When I'm not with you, I lose my mind" that song for me was more fun for me.

I did listen to some oldies has well! I love Freddie Mercury and the song "Bohemian Rhapsody" Oh my goodness, I don't know anyone that does not like that song. The whole song is just a summary of how I've felt my entire life and how I can go from one emotion to another just like the song changes tempos three times! Lyrics such as "Too late, my time has come Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth Mama, ooh (Any way the wind blows) I don't wanna die I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all". I mean come on... this is just genius when I heard this song as a teen I was just so relieved that I was not the only one who felt so confused. This was definitely my song if I was emotional and I needed something or someone to understand me and then get me out the funk. This song is like a good best friend conversation!