"No Rewind"

It was only 6:11 pm but it felt like 8 pm. I've been working my ass off in this factory since 5 am. Due to high demand of the all electric vehicle the company has all of us working over time. Break are short and lunch is swift then its back to the assembly line. Man, I'm so tired but I cant take a day off nor can I fail my daughter.

Just a week ago everything was fine? Well, that'll be me lying to myself. For the last month or two we've been at each others throats. Nothing but resentment, disdain, and hatred for one another. The person she is now i can't even believe she used to be the love of my life. My dream girl. My everything. Now, 7 years after her divorce and five years after we decided to be together and do right for these kids. It's all over. Neither, one of can trust each other. But she broke it first. However, I didn't have to attempt to meet up with Nikki. After five years, I couldn't foreseen having remorse from breaking up with her and then starting a relationship with my best friend. I guess its all karma. My mother would say I traded in one poison for another.

"Pick your poison" she would say to me anytime we had parties while playing dominoes during the holiday celebrations. Nevertheless, those are days of old and I guess I should of known better but I just never thought that my best friend would ever step out on me. Not our relationship especially when I've been fateful the entire time. Well, that's a half truth. I'm only guilty of contacting who I thought was my ex with intentions to apologize for how I left her.

I was happy in my relationship and I felt it was life playing the role of the greatest comedian laughing at the circumstances I brought on myself. After Marie confessed to cheating on me 3 years ago, right before we closed on the house, I forgave her but I couldn't trust her anymore. Psychologically, it didn't matter that I chose to forgive her because 2 years after giving her a second chance she broke up with me to "explore", at least that's what she calls it. I grew up in the hood where we have a less suitable word for it.

Nevertheless, the tensions have been rising between us everyday. And it started way before I began to respond to those weird text I was receiving at work from someone claiming to be from a previous relationship. 3 months ago I got a text from a woman stating, "I don't want to hear about you have a girlfriend because I know that. Let's hook up because I need some of that Horse D&^*. Can we meet up"? I replied," nah! that wouldn't be nice to sneak around my girls back. I'm faithful and I'll pass." A month passed and I was just so damn curious at who this person could be, although they would never give me an address or anything.

After texting this anonymous woman back and asking question as to whom she was, I got a response that stated, "Why are you still texting about this? What do you want? That was a month ago and I'm on to something new". I suspected it was my ex, Nikki. After a few text messages over a course of a month and a half she agreed to meet up at Starbucks. At this point in time my girlfriend had been treating me like shit and I was at my breaking point.

I felt it would be good to rekindle the friendship Nikki and I had. For some reason in my mind I thought that she would take me back and that I could actually appreciate all the things about her I didn't like. That just possibly I could make things right and with my current financial status I could really make some major moves, save a lot of money living at her place until I was able to purchase a multifamily house and rent it out. I believed my plan to be brilliant because we would live there comfortably and without worry. It's the least I could do for the woman that honestly loved me for me.

I kept telling my self it was the best thing to do if Nikki still loved me. Saying to myself that it was way better than the nightmare I was currently living in. And yes!!! It was that fucking bad. I wasn't eating regularly and my sleeping patterns had turn very unpredictable, which I can say the long hours at the factory also contributed. When I look back on it I can see that I was stuck in a major depression so deep that I didn't even know I was in it until 6 moths after the break up.

One of Nikki's last text inquired why we should meet and I honestly I felt I was done with the woman I spent the last five years with especially after she cheated twice, and God knows how many times that I never found out. I couldn't wait to meet up with Nikki and tell her how sorry I was and how I would be a better partner to her this time around. So we finally agreed to meet up Tuesday, 12 pm, Starbucks. Monday night she text me right after my girlfriend got home with our daughter. She asked, "are we still on for tomorrow and I stated ,"YES".