No ones Valentine

I use to avoid Valentine’s Day as it never held any meaning to mean. I always found it as another commercialised, over rated, money making excuse for people to show their love with materialistic gift giving.

When I received flowers from what are now my ex partners first initial impression was their cheating or question what they are up to or what they are intending to do. This shows my insecurities and low confidence that I had.

I hated hearing love songs cause I could relate to the lyrics with the message being voiced out by the singers. Truth is I have always been a hopeless romantic and never having someone to share the romance or express it with as it was always in the back of my mind what if I make a fool out of myself. I became more unaffectionate and undetachedable. I would not let anyone get to close to me.

My friends on the other hand would be showered with gifts sent to them at work or waiting for them to get home. They would be taken out to breakfast, lunch or dinner that their partners had organised to make them feel special.

I would hear all about it and how sweet their partners are and so forth to the point that I would tune out and pretend to take an interest by joining in on their excitement. Deep down I was wishing that they would just shut up and talk about something else.

As the years went on and being single I noticed that all my friends were getting partners and being happy in love. Next thing they were getting married and having babies and still being very much in love with their partners.

Me...I was too busy working that there was no spare time available for me to even consider having a partner. I would leave one job to go start another. I worked around the clock that I barely had enough time to find sleep. The one day that I didn’t work was the day I slept to catch up on much needed to get me through for the following week.

Every public holiday, every event that was happening I worked it so I could avoid being reminded how single I really was.

I avoided every invitation my friends had sent me as it felt uncomfortable being the third, fifth even the thirteenth wheel amongst all the couples. That I got sick of it.

So I thought I’d give dating a go. A friend of mine helpEd me find a dating site, got me set up and told me to get picky.

Find someone that suits you.

Well I did exactly that I got picky. After months of trying to find someone a man sends me a message by asking me how much do I work and do I have free time. I answered honestly by letting him know that I had one day off a week. He then asked me how do I take you out if your always working and sleeping on your day off.

This left me questioning that maybe I’m best to stay single or to slow down. Either way his question puzzled me.

Six months later and a job down, leaving me with spare time and a couple of days off during the week. I jumped back on that site and I received a message from the same man asking me if I remembered him and how work is going.

When I told him that I have more free time he asked me on a date and we arranged to meet with him picking me up.

On our first date he picked me up to take me out to dinner on a motorcycle. Doesn’t sound very romantic but it gets better. When we arrived at the restaurant that he chose and made reservations for, we were placed at a table that we later found out was not reserved for us, it was reserved for another couple which was a surprise engagement proposal. Imagine the look on our faces we were in pure shock. We looked at each other and burst into laughter.

As the months went on with us dating on his days off that fit into mine we got to know each other better more each time.

For two people to be completely opposite we had a lot in common. He is quiet and I am loud. I enjoy socialising he hates it. I like going for walks and seeing new places, so does he. We have have similar attitudes and clash every now and then which makes it challenging yet understanding of how the other thinks.

He has taught me so much over the years, even how to celebrate Valentine’s Day by being my very first valentine and showing me how it works.

Every year we have been together I get roses and chocolates and in return I make him a special dinner by surprising him with dessert as every woman knows ‘a way to a mans heart is through his stomach’ never fails.

There are days that for no particular reason we will do an old fashioned dance without music. On my crazy days when I have the music blaring I’ll make him dance with me.

The songs we dance too are ‘funky cold Medina’ by Tone-Loc, ‘The song formally known as’ by regurgitator, ‘baby got back’ by Sir Mix-a-lot and ‘Yeah’ by Greenday. With that collection of songs there is only one that could pass as romantic.

Being an ex bar attendant I am used to a large variety of different styles of music play me techno any day from Sash to Durube you won’t see me leave that dance floor.

My partner on the other hand he shuffles and I’ll catch him out doing it when he thinks no one else is watching.

Having someone that you can have fun with and to learn from is something really special. My partner isn’t just my partner who I love he is way more than that he is my protector, my listener, my problem solver and most importantly he is my friend.

Love comes in all different forms from colour to pets to family to places it’s a word that covers all things. When it is shown to you and you learn what it is it becomes easier to show others and most importantly to love yourself.

Written by: Rachelle Newton