My Personal Anti-Valentine Playlist

I have always had mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day, neither loving nor hating it. This year, as I sit and look at the snow piling up on the trees, I have decided to put this day into perspective. Well, my perspective at any rate.

Music has always played a large part in my quest for emotional well-being. When I am sad, I have a playlist of Sad Songs. When I am energized, I have a playlist for that. There is a playlist of Argentine music from when I lived there, and a playlist for Mongolia as well. Music is memories, but it also tells a story, and often the lyrics can help tell your story for you. For this reason I have very eclectic taste in music.

According to some statistics, Valentine's Day is one of the most popular days to pop the question, with as many as 6 million couples getting engaged on February 14.

I always fell in love too easily; my chief problem is no one has ever loved me as much as I loved them. This has caused me a lot of heartache over the years, and a lot of sobbing while listening to musicians belting out lyrics just for me. It was as though they understood how I was feeling.

The first song on my playlist is: Love Somebody Maroon 5

St. Valentine’s Day was, traditionally, about love. According to History.com, the oldest recorded valentine sent was in 1415 by a French medieval duke who sent his wife a romantic poem that he wrote while he was a prisoner in the Tower of London. He probably would have sent it anyway regardless; but was perhaps inspired by the date

The statistics also say that many couples split up just before, during, or after Valentine’s day. There are three main reasons for this. The first is the pressure of expectations.

Valentine’s day is considered the most commercial holiday of them all. It is all about cards, candy, flowers, and jewelry, the shops know a good thing when they see one. Therefore, the expectation one has of receiving something nice definitely puts a lot of pressure on the sweetheart.

I was married on February 5, my husband had a neat trick he would do every year. He would suggest we celebrate our Anniversary and Valentine's Day together, that way we could go someplace nice. Meaning I could have two mediocre celebrations or one good one. We were married for twenty-seven years before we divorced. That was a long time, and a lot of expectations hitting the floor.

The next song on my playlist is: Mockingbird by Rob Thomas

Although this was not a thing in my young days, Social Media has had a hand in contributing to the break-up of couples around Valentine’s day. This is the second most common reason for lovers splitting up. Everyone posts pictures and messages telling everyone else what they received, where they went, what they ate, etc. It is often exaggerated and unrealistic, based on their regular lives.

There are those who feel neglected and left out because their mate did not take them to Paris for Valentines Day. This causes unhappiness and often a rejection of the holiday itself. I know many people who completely ignore this love celebration, based on the belief that it is nothing but a Hallmark Holiday. Over the years I have come to believe that as well. It helps to have this attitude when you are alone year after year.

I dated for a minute after my divorce. It was a disaster. I went out with two different guys for six months each, I met them on the internet. My daughter tells me a lot has changed in the last ten years since I had a profile on a dating site, but I maintain, internet dating is not for me.

The first guy I actually met on eHarmony. He lied on his profile, among other things; and for me, that says it all, I can’t stand the lies.

The next playlist song is: Lies by MC Magic

The second of the offending daters was just plain weird. I was convinced it would work, I guess I was desperate. When you are older you get that way. Anyway, he broke up with me for some ludicrous reason, and after about an hour I was discomfited to realize that I didn’t feel badly about it. I was humiliated for a minute, but couldn’t help feeling I may have dodged a bullet.

The next song on my playlist is for him. You Broke up With Me by Walker Hayes

The third reason many people call it quits around this holiday, is because they were on the rocks anyway. The constant reminder of hearts and flowers everywhere just exacerbates the expectations and that is often the end.

I spent the last eight or so years feeling lonely and miserable around this time of year. I unfairly saw it as a failure on my part to establish a meaningful relationship, actually any relationship, with the opposite sex.

Evolutionary Biology tells us that the older a woman gets, the less likely she will find a mate. As her reproductivity decreases, the males will look for younger females to procreate with. This is depressing, but it is true. For so long I saw it as dirty old men running after young girls during their midlife crisis, but it is just a fact of biology.

The song for this period of my life is: Mr. Lonely by Bobby Vinton

The Pandemic of 2020 and indeed continuing on to 2021, forced me to stay in one place. I arrived on my daughter’s doorstep last January and am still here. I have had a year of reflection, and have concluded that I don’t need a relationship with a man. What I need is a relationship with myself.

I have spent the COVID-19 year, and COVID take 2, trying to improve myself. It's been a good year in spite of not being able to work or travel, so I have had the time to do a lot of work on myself.

I have finally come to the realization that I am just fine as I am. I don’t need a significant other, I have worthwhile friends. Chocolate and flowers are not essential to make me feel special.

My final song on my playlist is for me: Perfect by Ed Sheeran

I feel fine this year, I am not sad, or lonely. I know I am a worthwhile person whether I choose to be alone on Valentine's Day, or celebrate it with others.

My daughter and I, and her fiancée will probably get a pizza and watch WandaVision tonight, that is the most celebrating we plan to do. But honestly, it is Sunday and we probably would have done it anyway.

I don’t hate Valentines day, but I don’t love it either. It is one of those holidays that doesn't really mean anything except to the candy companies.

If you truly care about someone, you won't wait until a particular day in February to show them.