My Nightmare From The Kitchen

My summer is not turning out the way I expected it to be. First, I am stuck in a different country far away from home. So, no family, no friends, and no home food. God, do you know how long I has waited to be able to go home, sit and relax and not have to meal prep? I was so sure my mother had already planned all our meals for the whole of my summer break because she missed me. Meal prepping is the single worst idea we have come up with as humans, and we have a lot of wacky ideas, so this is saying something. You’re telling me, that I must hold down two jobs, do full time university, and cook my own food, do my laundry, and basically survive on my own with no help from anyone else? Is this what adulting is because I feel more clueless than ever.

Back to my crappy summer. I had my flights booked, my gifts wrapped (you know, customary first salary gifts for parents) and I had my hopes high. Then came in the news “Flights between India and Canada are suspended until further notice”, and down came crashing my hope. I was in the spotlight, but not in the way I wanted to be. I was surrounded by pitiful eyes and sympathetic comments like “Oh poor you, must be so hard to be all by yourself in the summer”. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, my love life is pretty much nonexistent. So, to everyone else around me, I was the single girl who was going to be alone for the summer break. All my happily- in- relationships roommates looked at me like they couldn’t fathom someone in this day and age who didn’t have a boyfriend. Dated notion, right? That didn’t stop them from smiling at me like I was a child who had just found out her dog was dead. A lot of sympathy, but a little bit of hidden relief that they didn’t end up like me.

Hence, me being the hot-headed human that I am, I chose to break these stereotypes around me. Who said I needed a guy to enjoy my break? I revamped my room, got a job, ordered about a dozen books to read, started doing art, walked around my city (as much as I could, with all the COVID-19 restrictions). Who’s the poor, lonely girl now? Not me. But you know the one thing that brought me down? Stupid meal prepping. If you thought I was done talking about that, you were wrong. Every single day, I would go into the kitchen after finishing my project of the day, and I would suddenly just sink into a cloud of anxiety and sadness. The thought of having to conjure up a meal that was quick and filling and delicious just made me want to curl up in a ball and cry. First world problems, right? Believe me, I notice the ungratefulness here. But you see, cooking is my window into my memories of home. Walking into the kitchen just reminded me of the fact that I couldn’t be with my parents right now. I couldn’t just wake up in the morning and walk into my kitchen at home and take in the organized chaos. I couldn’t take in the smell of different smells of the spices that would usually waft around at home.

I was truly alone.

I was putting myself in a box. So, I decided to bring my kitchen from home, here. I bought all the supplies I needed, to make delicious Indian food right here in Canada. I spent hours trying to perfect the recipes to make my food taste exactly like my mother’s. The kitchen was no longer a daunting arena of a fight I was losing. It was a battle I was winning.

Today, I am proud to say that the kitchen is no longer anxiety inducing. I cook my food and as I sit down to eat it I can imagine my parents doing the same, hoping I was there while I pray to god that they somehow magically end up here.