The Gemini Way Of Life

If you were born between May 20 and June 21, you are… a disaster waiting to happen. Just kidding, you are a Gemini, twin ruler of the Air. According to Greek mythology, and possibly other mythologies, the Gemini sign is mutable and associated with positivity, but in the world of 2021, you cry every chance you get. Just kidding, again. Now we could do this the old way and I could give you a vague, ego boosting horoscope. But let’s do this the Gen Z way- a fully functional horoscope with slight appreciation and a lot of criticism.

Love:

Love and romance (more like heartbreak) have been a part of your daily life and will continue to be a part of your life until you delete that number. Do NOT call him. Do NOT text him. Do NOT cry about him when you get drunk and text him a string of I-miss-yous. This is supposed to your hot girl summer, keep it that way. You must make some important decisions between March and June, such as “Am I finally breaking up with him because he’s been stealing cash from my wallet” or “Should I tell him he’s good for nothing or not?”. This is not the time to be a typical indecisive Gemini. You will face a lot of communication problems with your partner, and you know what the solution is? Not overthinking all night or making a pros and cons list. The only solution is- DUMP HIM. Get rid of old habits such as, HIM. And if you thought the months between March and June were heavy, just wait until October hits.

However, if you are a single Gemini, live it up. This is the only time your indecisiveness can be put to good use. Don’t say “Is it him or her”, say “It’s him AND her”. You are the true definition of hot girl summer.

Money And Career:

From the second day of the new year, you are going to be unemployed or stuck in a boring job. Find a way to make your own money, there is no shame in a good hustle. Don’t step into a casino because let me just tell you, this is not a good time to be a Gemini in a casino. If you don’t want to lose all your savings on one round of poker, I would suggest sticking to baby board games at home. Cheap, cost effective and lifesaving. If you are still living in your parents’ basement been May and September, there is a high chance they will kick you out because you got on their every nerve with your need to control everything. So, FIND A JOB.

Health:

I mean, Gemini or not, get vaccinated. How else will you be able to go to a club looking fly and cry about that one dude who doesn’t pay attention to you?

Overall, you will be the same pushy, indecisive control freak. But you will also be passionate, generous, and lovable. Gemini or not, you will be the best version of yourself this year and overcome this pandemic and all the troubles that came with it. You are the Air sign, the wind that takes everyone in the right direction. You are the twin that begged for the immortality of your other half. Hey, if you can bring your twin back from the dead, you can do anything you want. So be yourself, but also be everything I just asked you to be in this horoscope. I mean, why else am I sitting here on a Wednesday afternoon writing this?