My me too stories

I want to say a few things before I start this post. I will decide how much to share. I will not be giving out more info than I'm comfortable with. Victim blaming will not be tolerated on this post.

I don't know if I ever told my assault story. I know that I never told my rape story. I want to tell this for no other reason than to help other survivors. I am not looking for sympathy or attention.

When I was 27 (like 9 years ago). I was newly single and on Christian mingle. I was still a virgin. I found this guy who was nearby and kind of normal looking. We went on a few dates and were getting along just fine. Then it happened. I went over to his place to hang out. We go to his room to his bed because he had roommate and he wanted to be alone with me. By bed I mean a mattress on the floor because he was too cheap to get a bed frame. I don't know how I ended up naked but I did.

He then got on top of me and started to rub himself on me. I tried to tell him it felt wrong and he needed to stop but he didn't listen. He just kept telling me that it would be ok. This kind of behavior went on for weeks. I thought this was something that couples did. I didn't know about rape and assault.

I blame the church, purity and my family for this. The church promotes an idea of men taking what they want from their wives and girlfriends. That's also part of purity culture. The church tells women they are to be of service to the male significant other in their life. The church and my family did not talk about consent and assault. I was also never told anything about sex except for waiting for marriage. My family only told me what sex was.

Purity culture is a movement invented by the church. It includes the true love waits movement. True love waits is an abstinence-based program to teach young adults and teenagers to save sex for marriage. There is also a part of the program where you sign a pledge to God and your future spouse. It can cause guilt and shame also misinformation about sex and relationships. I really didn't know anything about sex, consent and condoms.

My Second me too story happened 2 years ago in 2021. I had a pretty decent job and I had lost my virginity a while ago. I knew more about sex and men. I decided I would rather know what I would like in sex before marriage. I had been dating this guy nonexclusively but exclusively for a while. On the night it happened I had been drinking a lot and this guy knew it. He knew I would have given him sex or anything sexually, but I didn't feel like it. When he climbed on top of me the first time, I wanted it. At some point I didn't want it.

He took off the condom without my consent. Then he climbed on top of me and started to have sex with me. I weakly tried to push him off me. He wouldn't get off so I gave up. I just laid there while he had sex with me. During the night he woke up and went out to the living room not to wake me. I went out to see if he was ok. I then cuddled with him and he had me give him a blow job but then an assault happened. I went to lift my head up and he held my head down. I struggled to lift my head and he wouldn't let me. He finally let my head up, then he came in my nose.

With both of these men I stayed with them for at least a month after the first time. The second guy only did those 2 things to me and the first guy did what he did to me several times. My experience has taught me a lot. It also made me stronger.

After what happened to me my family was kind of mean and didn't really support me going to therapy for what happened. Not everyone handles things the same. Some people take things like this very hard. If you are a victim or survivor don't let anyone tell you how to heal.