My Girl

Hey G,

How are you my girl? I miss you. I miss that loud, contagious cackle that always turned into noises of nonsense.

2020, you would simply not believe! It began with the land burning, the deep red of the outback penetrated the entire country. Now, we’re trying to navigate the uncharted territory of a global pandemic. The world feels as though it’s no longer united, and each country is functioning as their own separate entity. Our oasis is see-soaring between isolation and what we’re starting to call “the new normal”, (but it’s not normal at all). We were masked then, and we’re masked now. The Black Lives Matter movement is finally in focus and has sparked wider conversations of systemic racism, privilege, misogyny and LGBTQI+ rights that need light and airtime. We are all really trying our best, and I know you would be too. It would be so great to chat to you about it all, and hear your commentary over a glass of pinot noir.

Hey, did I ever tell you that on Christmas Eve a few years ago, I got inked for the first time! For you G. I’d been really missing you and I know we’d always talked about getting matching tattoos, now I guess we have. It’s in the style that we talked about, a really simple single line drawing of a love heart with a “g” in it. I drew it in the morning over a soy latte, went for a swim in the ocean to cleanse my heart (I know how much joy that always bought you), and then walked up to Bondi Ink. It’s on the inside of my left arm so I can always see it.

Throughout the pain and challenges of this year, I’ve needed you a lot. When I get overwhelmed and my breath gets shorter and shaper I am able to look down and see you, and I become level again. You always knew how to make me forget about the darkness of the world, I guess we both did for one another. Until we couldn’t, and your own darkness took over.

I’ve never been angry G, I know you’re free. This earth was hard for you, it always was. Even when you laughed your way through it, it was always hard. I’m eternally grateful for the 23 years that I had you on this earth, and that now you're on my body forever. We’re on the ride together; when I’m sun-kissed in Summer, pale in Winter, fit and toned or sloppy with Covid weight you’re always marked on my ever-changing skin.

Since you left this earth, I’ve been trying to live my life for the both of us, I’m really trying to make you proud.

I spent a lot of time reading about alternative medicine and the ways in which herbs and flowers can assist healing. This magical research prompted my second and only other tattoo.

When I was living in Brooklyn I went to an all female run stick-and-poke studio. I explained my research and what I was looking to capture... Aloe represents healing, chamomile to exercise patience, sage for protection, rosemary for remembrance and thyme for courage and strength. The designer and I workshopped a few ideas, and with rose quartz in hand she tattooed the inside of my right arm.

I wanted to have distance between the two tattoos, distance to ensure that there was room for my heart and breath. I look at my “G” and think of you, I breathe, I look at the herbs and I try to move forward for us; with healing, patience, protection, remembrance and strength in each step.

I miss you girl.

Love always,

x