My Boyfriend Drinks Too Much

Are you looking for tips, ideas, solutions because your boyfriend drinks too much? Does it bother you or even bother you when you see his band so much or so often? First of all, what does "too much" mean to you? Drink a few beers a few days with the "boys" or a movie - do you mean a "social drinker"? Then, he doesn't have a problem, but you - either you accept him or you are looking for someone different.

But when he drinks something, anything, almost every day or when he doesn't spend a weekend without "getting drunk" - then you have a problem. He has a problem - it's up to you if you do it too!

Important - what NOT to do if your boyfriend drinks too much:

• DO NOT blame him for drinking too much and do not criticize him! If you take this path, all you will solve is that he will develop resentment towards you. In addition, he will think that you have no right to criticize him (on the one hand, he is right). He will attack you to defend himself and as revenge, he will rebel, he will show you that he can drink even more!

• DO NOT ask him to stop at first, without a long discussion! Not even in the form of requests - and this path will offend him and your request, however beautifully formulated, has a good chance of bringing about a kind of rebellion. It will seem to him that you are trying to force things on him, that you are trying to control him and he will bring with him a refusal and thousands of excuses: "I only drink when others drink", "X drinks more", "I stop drinking whenever I want, not you "etc.

What to try if your boyfriend drinks too much:

• Follow his behavior when drinking. Sit next to him on several occasions when he starts drinking and look at him carefully. This helps you find out how serious the problem is. What to note: if his behavior changes every time! If after a certain number of glasses/bottles, he becomes extremely cheerful and irrational, even confused and exuberant, he becomes melancholy and dreamy or he becomes aggressive. If you notice that every time, the behavior changes following the same direction (sometimes in steps: step 1 - happy, step 2 - sad, step 3 - aggressive), then it is about to have big problems. If, on the other hand, he is simply happy, he still doesn't have a serious problem and maybe you're exaggerating with worries.

• Try to find out the reason! If your boyfriend drinks too much, until he gets dizzy or even gets drunk, or if he drinks too often - drinking is simply a way (subconscious and ineffective) to make up for a lack. Try to think, if you know him, what he may be missing, what has happened to him in the past, what trauma, dissatisfaction, or frustration he has. If you don't realize it and have been together for a long time, you can call a friend of his - only if you trust someone. Talk to a friend and see what he has to say. The hidden reason is very important because you can use it in a later discussion with your boyfriend. Alcohol is usually used as a comfort, a comfort, a compensation. So your boyfriend has a problem, a frustration - maybe he even told you about it at some point. If you want to stay with him and keep in touch, you will have to try to help him get over this problem - you will be his support. But as long as the problem remains hidden, you have little chance of solving anything.

• Communicate - but without criticism, without reproach, without requests. One day when he is calm and willing to talk, simply ask him why he feels the need to drink so often, how much he feels while drinking and after drinking, what helps him. If he is receptive and answers you, ask him why he thinks he feels better with alcohol and why he doesn't feel good without alcohol. Tell him, explain to him that you feel useless, that you want to help him, that you think he is not feeling well enough with you and that is why he wants to drink! Just tell him you think he has a deep motivation for drinking. If however, he attacks you or tells you that "I drink because I like it" and then refuses to talk, you have little chance of getting something out of the moment. Try to repeat the discussion another day.

• Drink with him! Yes, you read that right, drink one night, when you are somewhere quiet, with him! That is unless he is usually aggressive! How does it help to drink with him if your boyfriend drinks too much? First of all, he won't think you're criticizing and judging him - you just drink too (by the way, try not to get drunk). If you drink with him, you have a good chance that after he is a little dizzy he will open up to you, to say things that he would never say normally. It is known that in dizziness and drunkenness, people open up and say everything they have in mind! This way you have the best chances to find out how he feels and why he drinks. After this evening, one day, remind him of the discussion and tell him that he is drinking because he thinks he is forgetting a lack, a pain, a frustration - but tell him that this is not the way; offer to support and help him. If he says he can't stop, discreetly suggest to him how much counseling helps - give a personal example, even if it's invented ("my uncle…"). If nothing works, either accept it or finish it, telling him why. Chances are he'll promise to stop - follow him and make sure he does.