My Bestfriend Fell for Me

Have you ever had to let go of a friendship because love got in the way?

A person shows up in your life in the most unexpected way, becomes your home, and then ultimately becomes someone you could no longer stand to face.

No one really tells you about the slow and subtle ways in which friendships fall apart. You often find that, friendships fade not because of fights or betrayal, but because they care for you in a way you cannot reciprocate back.

A letter to the friend I lost:

I never thought I’ll write this to you, but here I am.

It’s been a long time since we’ve talked and I’ve been thinking a lot about how things ended between us. It’s really hard to put it all into words, what I’ve been feeling about everything that happened, but I’ll try anyway.

We had been friends for years. Our connection was so natural and effortless. I could drop by your place any time, in my messiest bun, wearing pajamas, and talk about anything and everything. You were the first person I would call when something wonderful happened, and the one I would turn to when something awful happened.

But I never saw you as anything beyond that. You were my best friend, my partner-in-crime, the one who understood me better than anyone else.

I remember the exact moment when things shifted. We were watching some movie, don’t even ask me which one, I don’t remember a damn thing about it.

What I “do” remember is the way you looked at me during a quiet moment on the screen. There was something in your eyes, that made my stomach sink. It’s then I suddenly realized, you didn’t just look at me as a friend anymore.

I ignored it at first. I took “delulu is the solulu” too seriously. I mean, I was in denial. We were friends, I told myself. “Just friends”.

But then you started making these small comments like calling me beautiful when I’d least expect it, or joking about how any guy I dated would have to go through you first.

And as usual I’d just laugh it off, because what else was I supposed to do? I didn’t want to lose you, and I felt If I just kept pretending this way, things would go back to normal.

But they didn’t.

I wish I handled it gracefully when you finally told me. Wish I had said the right things and everything went back to how it was.

But, nah! Life isn’t like that. I panicked. I didn’t know what to say to you, or even how to look at you.

You told me you were in love with me, and I didn’t really know how to react to it. I just sat there in silence, too stunned to speak.

I wanted to make the situation better, but I couldn’t.

My heart was heavy with the thought of losing you. It was breaking for you and our friendship that was slipping through my fingers. I saw the hurt in your eyes when I finally told you the truth, when I told you I didn’t feel the same.

That’s the moment when everything changed.

Suddenly, every conversation we had, felt like a burden, the bond we had every time we met, was gone. And every hangout felt awkward. You started to pretend like nothing happened, but I could see it. The way you looked at me with those eyes, still hoping for something I couldn’t give. From then on, I started to pull away from you.

It’s not because I wanted to distance myself, but because I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting you every time I chose to be just a friend.

We stopped spending time together. Our texts became less frequent, calls became shorter. We wished things could go back to normal, but we knew they never would.

With time, I realized that this was the end of our journey together.

I still think about you. I keep scrolling through our old pictures, wondering what went wrong with us.

But I know there’s nothing left to fix.

The thing is, sometimes, love just gets in the way.

I guess that’s just life. Things change, and we have to accept that letting go is probably the only option.

I hope you’re doing well, and maybe one day, we can grab a cup of coffee and laugh about this.

Why do we often find ourselves, falling for our best friend?

Well, maybe because friendship is the purest form of connection, right?

You get to know someone, you spend time with them without any pressure of romance, or have any expectations. You laugh, you share secrets, you become each other’s safe space.

And then it becomes something more.

Maybe you start seeing them in a way that’s deeper, more intimate, until one day, it’s no longer just friendship.

Love, especially romantic love, has to be mutual.

When it’s not, it ruins everything.

I lost my best friend, not because he did something wrong, but because he loved me in a way, I couldn’t love him back.

That’s a different kind of heartbreak altogether.

I don’t know if we’ll ever find our way back to each other. Maybe one day.

But for now, I just have to accept that some friendships aren’t meant to last forever, especially when love complicates things.

Thanks for reading.

K🦋