Moving On

I glanced at the glass of Merlot before me. The glass was half empty, which I carefully sipped. I glanced around, looking for any signs of Sean. According to his profile, he was 6’2, slightly buff, and had a cleft chin. In almost every photo on his profile, he was wearing a suit. He was certainly a workaholic, and a CEO at a big-shot company of some sorts in midtown Manhattan. His thin lips were always curled into a smirk, and his dirty blonde hair was often slicked back with gel. There was nothing about Sean that particularly stood out to me aside from the fact that he was the only one from the hundreds of DMs I received on Tinder that didn’t ask if I was “DTF” or verbally assault me for specifying in my profile that I was seeking something long-term. I was also slightly drawn to his mysterious demeanor and the sense of shyness detected in the way he spoke.

Perhaps that shyness led to him getting cold feet, which is why I have been waiting in this bar for him for close to an hour. All of my messages to Sean were left on delivered, and the last I heard from him was nearly two hours ago, when he sent me the address to this place. He had seemed eager to meet me, so it baffled me that he never showed up. I could say I was disappointed, though that disappointment did not go beyond the fact that I wasted my first-date dress, which could only be dry-cleaned, and that I wasted a Metrocard fare travelling here. Truthfully, I only came on this date because my best friend, Vivian, pushed me to. Sure, Sean was semi-attractive and possessed some favorable traits that I look for in a partner, but I did not find myself particularly eager about this date as I had with the last few men and women I dated. In fact, it had felt like a mere chore rather than a date.

Thanks for not showing up, Sean. I thought, taking the final sip of my Merlot. I placed my empty wine glass on the counter, and gestured for the bartender.

“Another glass of Merlot, please.” I said. If I came out all this way to this bar, I figured that I may as well drink away the slight irritation of being stood up.

The bartender pulled a bottle off the shelf. “No show?” She asked.

“Excuse me?”

“Your date, no show?”

My eyes widened. “How did you know I was waiting for a date?”

“Been working at this bar for a while. I can tell when someone has been stood up.” said the bartender, as she finished pouring the Merlot in my glass. “I guess I’ve learned about reading people easily at school, too. I’m a psychology major. NYU.” She said.

“Interesting.” I responded, raising my eyebrows as I took a sip from my glass.

I assumed that was the end of the conversation, but instead she continued to stand in front of me, as though she was waiting for me to say more. After a few seconds of staring deeply at me with her chestnut brown eyes, her red lips curled into an awkward smirk. Suddenly my phone vibrated. It was a text from Sean. I read the text, and then shook my head.

“Of course, he’s not coming. Said he needs to take a rain check because of a family emergency. At least he had the decency to tell me after making me wait over an hour.”

“Sorry, hun. That’s an asshole move.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Eh, it’s not too bad, I suppose. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I wanted to go on this date in the first place. My best friend kind of pushed me to do this, and I figured there was no harm in getting myself back out there.”

“Of course not. If it’s what you really want, that is.”

“Honestly, I’m not so sure it is. You know, I love my best friend and all, but I feel like she’s always pushing me to move forward with my life at a faster pace than I’m ready for. And maybe she’s right sometimes, but I just feel like I need more time to process things, ya know?”

“And there’s nothing wrong with that, my dear. Everyone moves at their own pace. I take it you had a bad breakup recently?”

I paused. “If you count a year ago as recent, then yeah.”

“Hey, that’s still pretty recent, especially if the relationship meant a lot to you. My last ex-girlfriend and I only dated for a year, and it still took me two years to fully get over her.”

“That’s the case with me and my ex, more or less. We dated for a year, and even though it’s been just about a year since we broke up, I still feel as hurt as I did when it first happened.”

“And that’s perfectly fine. There’s no expiration date for how long you should mourn the end of a relationship. I mean, some people say it should take you about half the length of the relationship to fully move on from it after it’s over, but that’s bull.”

“Tell that to Vivian. She thinks I should be over it by now because of the way he treated me. Never knew how to be honest, always raised his voice at me when it wasn’t necessary, and by the time the relationship ended I found out that he was messing around with some other girl behind my back for more than half the relationship. I guess that’s why I can’t blame her for thinking I should move on.”

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” The bartender looked down. “With my ex-girlfriend, she was quite the gaslighter. She controlled every aspect of my life, made me block all my female friends, and didn’t let me go out without her unless it was for work or school. I tried to leave so many times, but she threatened to kill herself every time I tried to leave. I only mustered up the courage to finally leave when I found out she had slept with other women whenever I worked overnight shifts or was in class.”

“Ouch. What a hypocrite.”

“That she was. But honestly, I still was hung up on her because I loved her. In spite of how toxic and manipulative she was, she was also the first person who ever actually cared to understand me and be by my side. It was hard to walk away, and even harder to not fall back into her arms. Over time, I was able to heal, but it took me a while.”

“That’s definitely the case for me too.” I said. “He was my first love, and the first person I ever felt close to. He may have had a lot of anger issues, and he was a compulsive liar, but he also seemed to care about me and love me in ways no one else ever has. When he left me, even though he swore he wouldn’t, I was devastated. And ever since then, it’s hard for me to ever imagine loving or trusting anyone in the same way ever again. He hurt me bad, but I still loved him so much.”

I felt tears rushing to my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away. Suddenly, the bartender placed her hand on mine. I looked up at her, and as she kept her hand on mine and I stared deeply into her eyes, I felt a sensation that I had not experienced in over a year. My heart was fluttering, and I felt a rush within my body. My hand was slightly trembling, but I also did not want her to let go either. I just wanted to feel the softness of her hand against mine while staring into those big eyes of hers. After a few seconds of taking in her beauty that I had not noticed before, she quickly pulled her hand away. Her sympathetic smile quickly went away, and her face turned bright red.

“Um, I’m sorry, that was completely inappropriate.” She said, running her hands through her luminous crimson hair.

“No, no, it’s totally fine. If anything, me bitching about my problems to a stranger is inappropriate.” I said, as I felt my face begin to heat up too. I quickly took a sip of my Merlot to cover the shame I felt in how much I enjoyed that moment we shared.

“Not at all, my dear. I’ve come to learn that one of the requirements they don’t tell you about being a bartender is that you also have to be a therapist too. Lots of people come in here venting about their problems to me while trying to drink away their sorrows.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I can imagine.”

“Besides, I didn’t mind talking about this. If anything, it helped bring clarity to my own situation.”

“Me too, actually. It’s a relief to talk to someone that understands.”

The bartender smiled, revealing her dimples and perfectly white teeth. “My name is Cherry, by the way.”

“Lovely to meet you, Cherry. My name is Dani.”

“Nice to meet you, Dani.” Responded Cherry. “You know, Merlot is usually my drink of choice too, especially when I’m bummed over a breakup.”

“Oh my god, yes. I find it to be one of the more relaxing wines. That, and Wellfleet. You know, Chardonnay 2019? I usually drink that at home when I need to calm my nerves a bit.”

“No way, me too! I love those sweet-tasting wines.”

“Me too!” Cherry said, then she looked to her side. “Ugh, I should probably get back to work. Business is gonna pick up again soon.”

“Okay, nice talking to you, Cherry, and thanks for listening. Maybe I’ll see you again some time.” I said.

“Of course.” Cherry paused for a moment, and looked down at the counter. She began to toy around with her fingers a bit. “Actually, I was wondering...do you wanna grab a drink sometime? When I’m not working, of course.”

I smiled at Cherry. “I’d like that, actually.”

“Great, I enjoyed talking to you and we seem to have so much in common. Maybe we can have some wines and get to know each other more beyond our past relationship trauma. I mean, I know you are a bit iffy about dating-”

“No, it’s fine, I wouldn’t mind at all.” I said, a bit stunned at my lack of hesitation. “I know we just met, but I like you, and you seem really cool.”

Cherry’s face turned bright red again, and she nervously smiled. “I like you too, Dani.” She looked to her side, and noticed another customer signaling for her. “I have to get back to work, but maybe if you stick around for a bit I could come back to give you my number?”

“Sure, no problem. We can plan a date too, as long as you promise not to stand me up.”

Cherry chuckled, and so did I. “I promise.” She gave me one more dimpled smile, then turned around to serve the other customer. I watched as her wide hips swayed back and forth as she walked, and her long curls bounced up and down. My heart began to flutter again, and I felt my body become filled with a sense of relief and eagerness I had not felt in a long time as I imagined my upcoming date with Cherry. I smiled as I stared at my glass of Merlot, which was half full.