Mindfulness - Hygiene of the Mind and Soul

Clinical psychologist and relational psychotherapist, Gáspár is the author of The Invisible Child, The Revolution of Love, Urban Mindfulness, and Love is Fun.

"Mindfulness allows us to discover our sources of happiness, to redeem our souls, and to be aware that our lives are happening here and now."

We hear more and more about mindfulness and how cool it is to be mindful. But in the end, what does mindfulness mean? Is it a passing trend or is it a healthy way of life?

What does mindfulness mean?

Mindfulness means a state of conscious presence in which we focus our attention in a certain way: intentionally, in the present moment, and without critical judgment. That would be a book-like definition.

In a more relaxed language, we could say that mindfulness means having attention and, in general, the mind (with everything related to thoughts and emotions) in the same place where the body is.

Most of the time, the body is in one place and the mind wanders somewhere in the past or future (these are times when we do not live in the state of conscious presence).

The most surprising thing for people is to know that, according to recent scientific discoveries, about 50% of the time we do not live a conscious life.

Lately, we hear more and more about this concept. How do we end up being mindful, though?

All this philosophy of life has no value if it is not constantly practiced. The path to being mindful is extremely simple: it involves systematically practicing a naive state of curiosity about what is happening, every moment, inside and outside of us. And the changes can be felt after the first eight weeks.

So, we can start with formal practice, adopting a meditation posture, during which time we carefully observe our breathing, feelings, thoughts, and messages transmitted by the body.

Or we may choose to be mindful (self-conscious) while having an intimate conversation with a loved one, drinking tea, walking down the street, or even having sex.

What exactly does mindfulness meditation do?

First of all, it helps us to get out of autopilot and allows us to think before we speak, to think before we act.

Some experts talk about the difference between "reaction" and "response". We "react" when we are impulsive, when we act without really using our minds, and "respond" when our manifestations are guided by personal values ​​of life, not by a momentary instinct.

For me, the state of conscious presence helps me to develop a little more understanding and compassion towards myself, in the moments when I am wrong or when I am not in line with my very high expectations (standards).

When I'm in autopilot mode, I judge and criticize myself (as if I were an extremely harsh and incomprehensible educator).

But when I am mindful, I manage to look more objectively at my wrong behaviors and turn them into learning contexts. And I can say that there is a person in my family who, practicing the state of mindfulness, has managed to give up compulsive eating behavior and better manage violent outbursts against their child.

What do you think is the biggest source of unhappiness for people today?

The fact that he runs after happiness, without knowing what happiness means

for them. That they sold their souls to mimic perfectionism. That they were seduced by the mirage of human multifunctionality. The state of mindfulness allows us to discover our sources of happiness, to redeem our souls, and to be aware that our life is happening "here and now".

Why Urban Mindfulness? How do we find our peace of mind and balance today, in the century of speed, in the constant agitation, in the urban agglomeration of the mental type, surrounded by other confused and confused people, pressed by deadlines or the burden of credit?

Urban mindfulness can be the "urban oasis" of modern man. Because not everyone can or wants to retreat to the mountains or move to the country to find their inner well-being. And because we need to identify our ways of dealing with problems and enjoying life in our usual life contexts.

Mindfulness is not necessarily about "what to do", but especially about "how to do it". And the answers to all the questions about "how" are reduced to showing a conscious presence, no matter how pleasant or unpleasant the reality is at that moment for us.

How can we improve the couple's mindfulness? What about professional life?

Clinical experience shows me that to have a high level of relational intelligence, the practice of mindfulness is an essential premise.

We are the same person in the couple's relationship, but also the professional contexts. But it is true that sometimes we offer more at home and sometimes more at work. Or that there are situations where we wear more masks at work than at home.

But in essence, the differences are far less than the similarities. Because any change we make at home will affect us at work (and vice versa).

Therefore, if mindfulness becomes a way of life, then we will notice that people will look for our company, our loved ones will feel that they love us more, we will be more respected at work than before, and it seems that life will begin to it takes on color.

This does not mean that we will be spared quarrels, conflicts, or the hardships of life. It just means that we will be able to argue intelligently, we will be able to use our resources and we will have more chances to enjoy this wonderful journey called life.

What is not mindfulness?

Unfortunately, with the notoriety of the concept, several myths have emerged about the state of conscious presence, some arising from a lack of understanding of what mindfulness means, others because the human mind - when it first meets something new - reacts by rejection.

From my point of view, mindfulness is not a sectarian ideology or thinking, it is not a form of relaxation, nor any form of self-hypnosis or complete self-denial.

The mindfulness technique

How can we most easily integrate mindfulness exercises into our daily lives? Are there any mindfulness techniques we can practice at home?

We can aim to do a conscious breathing exercise for 2–3 minutes, in the morning and the evening.

Or to give ourselves a break of 5 minutes after we parked the car, to cleanse our mind and soul of the psychological toxins accumulated during the day, at work, or in the city. How do we do that?

By asking us a few questions and allowing us to accept the answers. Questions like: What was the hardest part for me today? What were the negative emotions I experienced most intensely?

What upset me? What made me happy? What am I grateful for? And the list of questions can go on and on. It is a habit of mind and soul hygiene, just as we do body hygiene.

And, of course, the oldest, most enjoyable, most effective, and most widely used mindfulness technique: reading reflection. Knowledge enriches you. And the richness of the mind gives you a state of happiness.