MIND your own business

Aloha.

You know that giddy feeling when the whole state is closed because of a sleet storm? No? Just me? Okay, let me elaborate. Knowing that everyone will be in their homes relaxing, picking back up whatever project they are working on, sleeping some more, maybe another round of sex, or maybe binge-watching Gilmore Girls is kind of unifying. Like, you know that most of the people in your area have been released temporarily from the shackles of work and you can't help but to feel excited because you are probably doing what they are doing too. You might be thinking, "So you're describing a snow day...?" I am not. On snow days, many people still go to work since the soft snow is still drive-able. When it's a sleet day, first you get pelted by tiny angry icy balls of rage, then as soon as they hit the ground, it's an instant ice skating rink. Nobody wants to go ice skating. I guess I better rephrase that: Nobody wants to go ice skating on the freeway... in their car... while blasting the Les Miserable soundtrack.

As I sit here with my ice cold coffee (used to be hot; I'm just a drink-sitter) on the end table and while watching the History channel about famous cults (because why not?), I am having a hard time how I should lay out this book. I've said before that I 'might' list my mental issues as chapters, but now that I have slept and had time to think, my brain has compiled ideas that came flooding in after finishing yesterday's chapter. You know, it's like the game "The Sims". When I play that game, after building my house and family, I play the day-to-day of my household. As soon as they wake up in the morning, I click everywhere in the house to compile activities for them to do for the day. That's how I visualize my brain when it auto-dump ideas in a small, cramped space. It doesn't know when to stop, and somehow, it conveniently doesn't know when to start at times when I need it. Thanks a lot brain.

I've decided. This chapter will be about my very opinionated views of the mind. I have a Bachelor's degree in family studies and gerontology (Hashtag not that smart. Don't be fooled). It is a branch of Psychology that typically leads to counseling careers. I did not pursue it. I now decided to pursue a career as a nurse practitioner in psychiatry. I am very inquisitive about the human mind. I want to know the what and how. Why is it that people suffer from a slew of mental illnesses such as generalized anxiety disorder, or bipolar disorder, or even both at the same time? How are emotions formed? Is there a hereditary link or is it the environment? Why do we have a conscience? What is mass hysteria?

Most of us know what mass hysteria is. There is something in the back of my mind that questions how a whole population could be coerced to stand behind a theoretical idea/view whether it be useful or harmful. There are many explanations out there. An example would be when people see tangible results, they grip that idea like their lives depend on it. In my opinion, mass hysteria is much deeper than what we think it is. Psychology nerds have shown that we, as humans, are prone to routines. I say that every living thing is prone to it too. "Okay Lei-Lei, get on with it. What's your gosh darn point?" Routine is huge factor as to why we are slaves to our own minds. Oh, let me complicate it some more---sprinkle it with some fear then sauté it with conditioning. Voilà! A hot steaming pile of mass hysteria. Tell me if I'm wrong, but did you initially think that mass hysteria is only about temporary panic? Yes you're right. But like I said, it goes way deeper than that. I don't know if anybody has theorized this yet, but I think that we are all conditioned to be on a constant state of panic. Why? Because of the fucked up shit we've been doing to ourselves. War, money, and power are just the leading examples of reasons as to why we are all suffering from this never-ending cycle of hate and despair. Although, I do not think that those three things are bad. Hear me out: Who causes war? Who created money? Who abuses power? Well I think that you already know the answer to that. The notion of good and bad stemmed from us. Something is bad because there is an added human touch to it. Don't you think that we have been conditioned to feel strong emotions towards certain "good" and "bad" thinking? And we are also conditioned to fuel the fire---meaning we put so much energy being in this constant state of panic while suffering from mini threats to our livelihood. You're going to hate me for what I'm about to say... or not, its your prerogative. I firmly believe that social media has been the perfect vehicle to commercialize panic into our hearts and minds. Yes I said it. Do I hate social media? No. Do I hate people who capitalize on it? No. Who is there to blame? The answer is simple---no one is. It is in our nature to be ruthless. I am not going to argue about who came first (the chicken or the egg). I am not going to argue about science versus religion. Well, I might, but in a way that doesn't trample on anyone's grip on what they believe in. I'm just a mere observer and my views may be good or bad to you. At the end of the day, I will not win. I'm just one person versus the world. I've mentioned before that my intent is to create a community of open-mindedness. "Wait Lei-Lei, aren't you contradicting yourself about mass hysteria?" I don't think so. I want to use mass hysteria to neutralize it. I'm like fighting fire with fire, but in a good sense.

I go to group therapy (for reasons I will tell you later. Oh, and I'm not an alcoholic... not yet at least). The topic last week was about how the recent generations are too sensitive. For the sake of delivering the message in the best way possible, I will be talking about sensitive topics such as race and gender. Now that I've warned you, here we go. An older (possibly in her 60's) white woman was arguing with the group about a situation where she might have came off as racist. I was late for the meeting, so I don't know if she said it or if it was an example. The statement was, "You look pretty for a black woman". Now, I'm not going into too many rabbit holes about this, but I think you can see why that statement raised a red flag. Let's look at this situation closely and dissect each side. If someone says that to me (obviously they would have to say Asian), I would not take it well. Simply because it tells me that you view Asians are ugly and that I'm one of the lucky ones. I wouldn't be too angry because I'm not any close to model status, but you get what I mean. Here's the kicker---what happens after that statement is crucial. Did the person acknowledge the fact that they might've said something rude, or were they completely unaware that they did something unpleasant? Fortunately, the lady who was in the hot seat expressed her curiosity as to why that behavior is not okay. The whole group healthily argued back and forth. Honestly, it was going great until... the lady said something about how "this generation" is a "bunch" of sensitive people. She added that if someone said to her the she looked pretty for a white girl, that she would not think any of it. At that point, I was still hopeful that the conversation would still end up in a peaceful conclusion. I was trying my best to understand the thought processes of both sides. Eventually, I came up with a neutralizer. It was respect. To make respect effective, both sides need to have control of their triggers. In my own perspective, I witnessed a world that showed respect as I was growing up. Fast-forward to the past few years, people have lost this trait completely. I see people in debates not giving each other the chance to speak their minds. When one side is speaking, the other shuts it down. My theory is that this is a debate technique that steals and maintains control of the audience as it appears to be a barrage of character demeaning punches. I also noticed that people today will downright support ideologies blindly (as I've told you before, fear plays a vital role that motivates such behaviors). Yes, we can argue that people have been blindly supporting all sorts of ideologies (good or bad) since the beginning of time, but I strongly express that if it was bad before, it is worse now. Worse in a sense that people die from and for stupid reasons. Worse in a sense that people completely drop their dignity in trade for temporary relief. We are all so indebted to ourselves that we have almost nothing left inside.

Am I scared? Worried even? Well, definitely. I'm human too. I am affected by this mass hysteria phenomenon too. Sometimes, I wish I can just deactivate my fears all at once, but that's cheating. And impossible. Sometimes I wonder if the energy that we put in overcoming a fear is worth it. What if we developed more fears while overcoming one? Isn't that counter-productive? Oh man! I just thought of the best example for this. Okay so imagine you're watching the television one morning. You're sipping your warm coffee (because you're normal unlike me who likes coffee but forgets to drink it) and then you stumble upon a commercial about a drug that "cures" Crohn's disease. Usually they show a cringy actor portraying how bad the situation is. You can't help but laugh because well, the bad acting, and also the super tiny caption that says "These are only actors" or some shit like that. In some commercials, they even have these actors say that "It saved their lives" or along the lines of how they no longer have symptoms of whatever disease they were bestowed upon. We're getting out of focus here... Okay, so you know how towards the end of the commercial they say, "Before taking *insert weird drug name here*, please be advised as it may cause dizziness, depression, nausea, grow an extra toe, diarrhea, etc." So, in order to cure my Crohn's, I should suffer in other areas of my body"? Fuck that. Just get rid of my stomach. Just leave me with a big ass hole in my abdomen. Joking aside, the point is that when we put out energies to attain certain goals, we need to be prepared to have 'mini' obstacles along the way. Such is life and it's okay. I have witnessed the other side of misery. There is a lot of beauty in life. These are experiencing relationships, eating amazing food, innovation of technology, sunsets, gummy bears, baths, Disney, and the few times we all unite as a human race.

I know I may sound like an ignorant child with my rantings, but I can assure you that I will always forbid myself to be a victim of internalized phobia created by mass hysteria. My personal views are precious to me. I love that it grows like a plant and eventually, I will be a tree of knowledge that is mine and only mine alone. I will try my very best to help this tree become majestic and as tall and strong as a Narra tree. Furthermore, this tree is ever evolving. It will be open to accept many other ways to nourish itself rather than be stunted. Stunted in a sense that it will never experience true maturity, meaning---it will never flower nor produce the sweet fruits of life. I hope that no matter what your attitude is towards my views, that you remember to respect yourself and others in your own unique way. Or not. Jerks are fine with me. That tells me that you're still trying to overcome something in your life and I'm not about to stop you from growing. Suddenly, I just realized the importance of neutrality. Jerks like to project and if I feed that projection, then might as well be a jerk myself. The less attention or energy you give back to jerks, the more the situation will get the opportunity to result in a favorable outcome---favorable to an extent but not perfect. I'll take that any day.

Okay that's enough writing. Until next time.

Mahalo ya filthy animals.