Millie

I still remember how kind she was. How she cared about every animal she encountered. She was a vegetarian and always babbled on to me about how animals should be treated equal to us, how they have feelings and how they all have inner lives that they experience just like us. To be honest, I wasn’t convinced of this until recently.

Millie and I first met at one of her Mother’s fundraising events for leukemia. I went to support my younger sister, who recently went into remission after battling it for 3 years from the age of 15. Millie was at the door welcoming people, and when I first saw her I thought she was stunning. She had long brown hair the colour of a rich milky chocolate and piercing grey eyes. I tried to ignore my sudden attraction for her, because I wasn't supposed to be into girls, but it just felt magnetic. I liked how her eyes smiled when she did, her presence felt so warm. When our eyes locked, I felt a rush of nervous energy and almost tripped over in my heels. She just giggled and said “Don't worry, those things are female torture devices anyway. What’s your name?”. “Alice.” I replied while steadying myself. “Well, Alice, would a pretty girl like you want a drink?” After that, we got to talking all night and couldn’t stop. We talked about everything from our childhoods to books, to what flavour we would pick if cows produced different flavoured milks. I picked strawberry, she picked marshmallow smore's.

“You cant pick marshmallow smore's.” I said.

“Why not?”

“Because its not even a milk flavour that exists right now!”

“Yeah but I thought we were using our imaginations!” she fired back. I just felt completely at ease with her, like I could be my true self, and I hadn't ever felt so completely understood by another individual before. One year later, and we were still completely inseparable. We moved in together into our own little home, and it felt like a tiny bubble of happiness when we were inside those walls. Our own secret world, filled with silliness, laughter and love. Her Mother was very conservative, so even though we were in a relationship, to everyone who knew us besides close friends, we were just housemates. Millie loved her Mother deeply, and didn't want to disappoint her, so I reluctantly agreed to being “a secret”.

One Sunday morning I woke up to find her missing from bed instead of cuddled into me, so I went to look for her. I found her outside on our back deck, tending to a wounded barn owl that had injured it’s wing. From my perspective, it seemed to be doing poorly and didn't have long left.

“What are you doing now? You can’t save every creature you come across Millie.”

“Shush up and make yourself useful. He’s cold and hungry. Go get the blanket from the lounge and our first aid kit.” She said.

“Alrighty.” I replied while shaking my head at her. I pretended to be annoyed, but really these were the types of things I secretly loved about her. How she cared for everything and everyone. I grabbed a blanket, the first aid kit and a piece of raw meat from the fridge for him to eat. I put the meat down in front of him and he slowly pecked at it. She made a splint and wrapped his broken wing up, put the blanket around him, scooped him up and brought him inside and set him down on our lounge. I was very surprised about how calm and trusting he seemed to be. He didn’t fight our help at all.

“I wonder what happened to him..” I pondered.

“Seems like he is young still, so maybe he fell out of the nest. Can we keep him?” She asked me as she looked up at me with her big puppy dog eyes.

“No. We already have a zoo of animals here.” I replied.

“Please, please, PLEASE!? Look how cute and small and helpless he is! We can be his new family. What should we name him?”

“Oh god, don't name it. Then we wont ever get rid of him.”

“Oswald.” Millie said determinedly.

“Fine, we can keep Oswald, but you have to clean up after all his messes.” I said.

“Thank you!” She said excitedly and kissed me sweetly on the tip of my nose. I just sighed and shook my head at her.

So Oswald became the latest member to our family, in addition to the 3 rabbits, 2 dogs, 1 cat and 5 goldfish we already owned. She was just relentless when it came to adopting animals. Her and Oswald seemed to have a special connection though. Once she nursed him back to health, they were inseparable. She started taking him on her nature walks out the back of our property. He would fly clumsily from tree to tree to try and catch up with her. Even though he got better, he never fully recovered, and could never glide in the sky like other owls could.

Months later, I came home from work one day and Millie was on the phone to her Mother crying. There seemed to be some yelling, but I couldn’t hear what was being said because she locked herself in the bedroom. After a couple more minutes of back and forth shouting, there was nothing. Silence. I knocked on the door but there was no answer. Hours passed and she still didn't come out. I put her dinner near the door on the ground, but she still didn't come out. I was watching TV in the loungeroom when I heard the door close and she was grabbing her jacket and shoes near the front door.

“Wait, where are you going Millie? What happened? Please, talk to me.”

“I’m going for a walk.” She said and she didn't look at me.

“At this time of night? You’ll freeze out there! Let me come with you, we can talk about things. Have you even touched your dinner?”

“No Alice. I need to be alone.” Her presence felt icy. I had never seen her like this before.

“Well don't go out there alone, take Oswald with you at least.” I said. And that was it. She walked out the door with Oswald and disappeared into the night.

Hours and hours passed and she still hadn’t come back. I tried calling her, but she didn't take her phone. I then decided to go out and look for her with a flashlight. I went on the usual trail she took but I couldn't find her anywhere. I called out her name, but heard nothing in response. I was starting to panic. Had something happened to her? Did she get lost or injured? Had she fallen into the ravine down below? After hours of searching to no avail, I decided to turn back for home. I waited up until the sun had risen and she had still not returned. I decided to call her Mother. When she picked up the phone she told me that she found out about us through some mutual friends. She said that I had seduced her precious daughter and she wants nothing to do with us ever again. I got so angry at this woman for abandoning her own daughter and told her that her words have made her run away. Millie was missing. She didn’t care. She said “Good, I hope God has made her pay for her depravity with the two of you living in sin!” I hung up the phone and threw it to the ground. This woman was heartless, the complete opposite of her kind, caring daughter. And just because her daughter was “sinful” according to an ancient book, all of her goodness amounted to nothing in this selfish woman’s eyes.

After midday and Millie had still not returned I called the police and tried to file a missing person’s report, but they told me that 24 hours needed to have passed before I could do that. I felt so helpless. I went out searching for her again, this time in daylight. I wandered for hours in the woods to no avail, and right when I was about to give up I saw him. Oswald. I froze. My heart was beating fast through my chest. He was on the ground in the middle of the trail looking right back at me with his dark eyes and white face. He fluttered his wings and barely made it to a pine tree a couple feet away from him. I ran up to him but he flew to the next tree. ‘Maybe he wants me to follow him.’ I thought. ‘Well, this is the best lead I've had in hours, so hopefully this isn't just a dumb bird.’ I decided to follow him. He lead me down through thick trees, way off the usual trail Millie takes on her walks. About 20 minutes later he stopped and wouldn’t move anymore. I looked around but couldn't see anything other than tall pine trees and a fallen log. ‘Great, now I'm lost.’ I thought. I decided to go and sit on the fallen log and grab some water out of my backpack. That’s when I saw her. Millie’s tiny body laying lifeless on the ground behind the log.

“Millie!” I screamed and tried to shake her, but she wouldn't wake up. Her skin felt cold and her pallor was pale. She was dead. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was all just a very bad dream. I was sobbing and shaking, but my tears couldn’t bring her back. I had to get help. I tried calling the police again, but I had no reception. I didn't want to leave her there, but I ran through the woods all the way back to the house. Everything from there was a blur. The police and ambulance arriving. Them taking her body away. My soul was crushed. Weeks later a police officer told me that she had overdosed on sleeping pills and they had found a note in her pocket. They slipped me the note and it read:

'I am sorry for disappointing you Mom and for shaming our whole family. I don't deserve to live anymore. I don't think I can ever change the fact that I love Alice, or change who I am and always have been. I know God will punish me for my sins, and I could live with that, but what I cant live with is bringing you suffering and pain. I cant live happily when I know in your heart, I am dead to you. You raised me better than this, but I can’t fight against who I am anymore. I tried to be normal, but I was living a lie my whole life. I am sorry.'

Her Mother didn’t even attend her funeral. The single most beautiful light in this world was extinguished because a Mother put religion above her own daughter’s happiness. I still take care of Oswald in reverence of Millie, but my life has never been the same. After this, I became a human rights activist for the LGBT+ community and fought for equality. I was involved in many campaigns for same-sex marriage and on June 26, 2015 we got the vote approved. If only Millie was still here to see how far society has come. Maybe if the world was more welcoming of her then, she would still be here today. I still think of her warm smile and the way she would light up any room she walked into. I fight for Millie.