Memories: 28 May 2025

28 May 2025

8:42 am I slept last night without my cpap mask as I had a runny nose and …gross…also I didn’t want to suffocate myself in my sleep.

I feel slightly better this morning. My Schnozz is still congested but I slept better than the previous night. I have my debrief this arvo which I think I will keep that appointment as my cold is not worse.

It felt nice sleeping without my cpap mask. I’ve used it for almost 11 months. I haven’t noticed much improvement except I have bouts of frenzied activity that look like ADHD which my psychiatrist states affirmatively I do not suffer from. Instead he says they are hypomanic states triggered by my complex ptsd.

But the past two weeks have been INTENSE! I achieved a lot, finishing off projects and annoying little jobs around the house. (Screwing castors on boxes…for the love of all the gods!) Nothing much to show for my efforts but sore hands, a cold brought on by exhaustion and freewheeling storage implements.

What am I getting ready for? Perhaps some freewheeling of my own? Hmmm

“You can’t get to heaven wearing roller skates…”. I beg to differ. No…noooo I beg no man, woman or child for the merest scraps of love, attention, recognition. Queens of their own Becoming, or Destiny who have been raped, strangled, stolen from, shucked off, slandered, betrayed, parlayed, played and even slickly tricked by demonic infested ballsacks beg NOONE.

I take my place, head high, courageously reclaiming my life and spirit after every declension, knowing who and what I am and what I deserve… and I wait.

Waiting for the man who genuinely loves me. “Is that youuuuu, Godot? Cos we all know he never comes! (In more ways than one, Darlings!)”

The Mama T has proven over 6 decades that she is not destined to be a trampled broken tormented victim of any man. The more a man tries to degrade and humiliate her…the more She rises. “Shoulda known better than to fall in love with her!” Ahhh but you did know…you studied all her writings and all her posts for months and years. …while she loved you.

Interesting! What did you achieve? No Thing.

The Tanya flies freely and in a straight line like a harpy…working herself to Death (her sweet sweet mistress!) to regain equilibrium and prove her worth to her own self. Yet to find or meet a lover man who loves me genuinely so there are wheels bolted to boxes to slip slide away on…laughing my arse off.

Farkkkk what a life!…it’s so absurdist even Samuel Beckett would scratch his head. Write me a better ending, you Irish Bastard!

“Aye, sweet little Mama T. I will love you in all the ways the living men fear to do.”

Good enough…if I can only be loved by dead zombie men: line me up the poets, the playwrights, the bards and the troubadours. The Queen of Complex PTSD, sullied and soul slaughtered since she was 6 must turn all the epic fucking Shit to the most glorious shining iridescent spiritual gold and perhaps, if the gods decree it…real tangible gold as well.

Study that, Motherfuckers!!! I love you all! It’s not your fault, you can’t destroy The Tanya. Nice try though. Hahahahahaha. Here’s a cigar and a Happy Ending!

(Insert “Absolutely Fabulous” theme tune here) . Who would have thought I would get this old and this weird and this “powerful”? The gods really do have my back…taught me well how to fly in the face of societal atrophy and discombobulation and dysfunction.

Get up, stand up, straighten up, shimmy and shake…let’s do it all again…tomorrow and tomorrow! ;-)

28 May 2024

5:15 pm I woke up this morning, feeling very dehydrated with a headache. I was up six times last night. It’s been a lovely day. A bit cool but sunny. I still have a slight headache.

I met a woman on my walk around the block who is looking for a home for her cat. I am very tempted to take him. He’s a beautiful large tabby named Tiberius Maximus. She has him advertised on the cat rescue group too.

28 May 2023

Another sunny day. I woke up at 10:40 am. The dancing and my asthma has run me ragged. But build myself up, I must. In the gods I trust. The dancing will continue as long as I can move! :-)

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Trigger warning: vulgar language and Boudiccean war cries

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Dear Spies…what do you want from me? I am well aware that you trawl through my YouTube videos (and instagram! Lol!) like silent seeping vermin. Terrified of The Tanya and her Truth.

It often shows me I have had at least one view before it’s even uploaded. Odd! But a tad funny.

You are watching me and I am sitting back fully cognisant of your venal petty ignoble malevolence…since 23 years ago. The Tanya never forgets (both the kindnesses…a loan you once made to me so I could pay my rego after my ex husband refused to assist my children in going to school!) or the evils you perpetrated out of envy and spite because we had had the misfortune or bad karma to share the same putrid but self-proclaimed “magnificent” penis.

Well that one is dead…he holds no power over me but yes he still owes me greatly. The cunt! He enabled my enemies to rob me of the equivalent of four houses plus Valuable land in Waiheke Island NZ.

But you materialist greedy corrupt whoremongers and your caravan of cockeyed corpse brides and concubines have no idea whom I am, do you? There are things far more precious that diamond merchant’s lovers or real estate thieves. It’s a simple matter of Soul! Neshamah. You lack.

You sought to destroy me back then…utterly…but it was you who ended up in the psych unit. I am stronger than any of you ever gave me credit for. You lacked the class, the couth, the compassion or the grace. You lacked the Heart!

And now like a coup de grace the truth went out decades ago and I, The Tanya have kept my sanity, my sanguinity and my courage.

Where were you dirty low level entity Motherfuckers when I needed you? Too busy aligning with my enemies and mocking, deriding and yes, slandering me.

Well well well…memory like the dusty corners of my mind remains as fresh as the hatchet job you did on me. I know exactly whom you are. And I await as always…the retributions….plural.

One by one they come…and go…like waves on a beach. Ebbing and flowing with your effluent. Not even a Mikvah could cleanse that.

I suggest if you want to know something about me you ask me yourself but what can one expect from cowardly curs? No Thing.

https://youtu.be/KbdTY8fRRw8

I made this video three weeks ago. In it I make particular mention of my sore jaw which has had cysts in it before.

Yesterday I received a text from Metro North outsourcing me with a voucher to see a private dentist. (After I made particular mention of “genocide” and the malfeasant medical/dental NEGLECT I have been experiencing since Covid in 2019 but let’s be real here…for decades prior.

So no…I am not paranoid. There are no coincidences. And I really am spied on.

Possibly still by members of the Qld Jewish Board of Deputies also. Weird. But interesting to say the least.

Nothing to see here Boys…since you actively enabled the eradication of my wealth and did nothing to uphold my honour after three attacks on my life by Israeli and Jewish men…all you can do is watch and leer on my social media platforms like fucking perverted ghouls.

I have not forgotten. I will NEVER EVER forgive not until you return to me to the power of ten what you took from me because you were envious of my strength, my life force and freedom, also no doubt my innate goodness.

On the gilgulim I will have my rectification, HaShem counts a woman’s tears. And in the cosmic tree of life I wept entire new universes into creation over the most lowlife malfeasant scum not worth a drop of my primal juices, my Neshamah, my Joie de Vivre!

The Tanya Has Spoken. She has grown older, wiser, even more isolated by often her own choice as she prefers safety, after dealing with the demonic repressive concussive suffocating likes of my former lovers (and husband).

The Tanya has Become. Don’t like me…don’t wish me well or happy or prosperous or loved? Then have the decency to leave my FB/instagram YouTube pages.

I have nothing to offer you but a mirror of your own desolation and desecration you tried to soil me with. You cunts.

End of transmission.

…

Last Friday I was informed that Sigal has been banned from the Treasury casino. Some verkachte story that she stole a $50 chip off the floor.

I WANT HER REINSTATED Treasury Casino. There is no honour amongst thieves. How much of my gold jewellery was stolen by pickpockets (one snake ring slipped off my fingers…) another beautiful old brooch taken off my jacket?

Is it any wonder that I guard my bag (and my friends’ bags with an eagle eye and the hot fury of a dragon on a hoard) after 12 years of your malfeasance.

Yes the place got cleaned up. Less pickpocketing and the women leave their bags unattended now.

But to accuse my friend Sigal of theft?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! Yes I am aware she has serious mental health issues.

But I have never known her to be a thief. So some malfeasant vicious bloodless cur banning her has other agendas.

Bring her back. You owe her an apology

Attachment from 19 Dec 2020:

Funny thing from last night: in the queue where I met the two friendly lovely men...well one of them was of my vintage. His name was Steve. For a joke I asked him if he came from Inala - as a few years ago some spirit told me that I would meet a man named Steve from Inala and I just thought it was nonsense!

Anyway, Steve starts laughing and says “I was raised in Inala but I live on the Northside”. I grinned inanely and uncomfortably.

The prophecies are coming true in recent weeks. Things I thought were just mischievous lying spirits and anyway, I am still in love with Dave and have decided since I can’t be with him because of his long suffering bullshit games that I actively choose to remain alone for the rest of my life as I am sick to my back teeth of game players , liars, cheaters, traitors, stranglers, rapists and men so terrified of my power that they quiver and quake in my presence like tortured school boys!! (Which horrifically I think they very well may have been in that evil English public school system...)

But...Steve’s young friend (who used to be his apprentice in carpentary!) was an absolute delight. He took one look at me and invited me to drink with them. (I thought that was a bit forward and impulsive!) but he started calling me “Mum” as we looked so alike and it was rather hilarious! I said “oh how nice...I finally get a son who is happy to be seen with me in public! And this one I did not have to prepare earlier with the ignominy of traumatic childbirth, nappies, feeding etc”

He was such a lovely young man that I felt it completely disarming. He was terrified of one of the regular women there who actually gets quite menacing and loves to threaten the men (her own trauma turned into sociopathology!) So he kept safe with me his newly discovered “Mum”. We had a lovely time.

I am relieved that Steve from Inala was no ardent pesky stalkerish lover and just a good bloke out for a healthy night out on the booze and danced and had a convivial time without agendas. Decent!

So the spirits are showing me...there are good men out there in the world who are not out to destroy me (at least not immediately!)

My psychiatrist was lovely yesterday too. I felt Seen, Heard and just unconditionally loved yesterday. So that was a balm to my broken Christmas/ Chanukah/Summer solstice spirit.

Also it was a timely reminder that the spirits have not lied to me but their human construct of Time was off by about 4 years (hohum!) and the men they mentioned have both been met in recent weeks (Chris of the “glitter on the dance floor” seduction line...haha) and now the long joked about with consternation “Steven from Inala”! My ex friend Jenny would crack a rib if she was there last night.

My life is running in concentric circles. The people that were meant to be in my life still are...the ones that were meant to blip on my radar and slide on by have come...been witnessed by me...and slid into the next groove...and my crazy nonsensical absurdist love for the One I want remains true and stolid even if interminably unrequited.

I feel wonderful...anyway. The Tanya has grown into her next version and the spirits are showing me the Time for me is here...Now.

But alas they forgot to send that memo to Dave (or did they?) and I must embrace my Aloneness and my true Heart and Mana and yes...my Witchy side as that has just been proven to be Worthy, Honourable and accurate (even if slightly off base and fickle!)

The tickle from the Multiverses was enchanting and better than the cold hard slap of destruction She usually anoints me with.

There is humour and enchantment at play...I do believe They, the Unseen Ones are preparing me for my next mission in Life.

A “mother”. Mama T and a Beloved partner to a man...worthy of my heart and Valour!

I must gird my loins with strength as nothing destabilises me more than yet another false friend or worse...lover.

Sigal and I had a long and lucid chat about our shared former lover Marco. She said she really liked him. I agreed. I said “he was passionate and vivacious and exciting but I had to throw him back into the sea of players as he has a partner and is incapable of ever being faithful..but he was sooo much fun and I miss our wild carefree erotic dancing”.

I reminded her if he ever shows up again that I said “Hi” but get him to “Va Napoli” and that I used to drive him completely crazy by declaring that I was in love with the Englishman (which remains quite true but endlessly achingly hopeless too!!!)

Then she and I laughed and laughed at our own bathos and misery but yet somehow we are still powerful and quintessentially beautiful and the gods really do have our backs...

FORMIDABLE

Oh and importantly…crazy sociopathic woman kept coming over to sit with me during the night. Fascinated!

I patted her back and told her she was safe with me. I said “go be happy no matter what...it is the Best Revenge on our enemies...never let the bastards grind us down” but in true vicious fashion she turned to me with dead eyes steeped in alcoholic black out...soul ridden by her own darkness... and said “I don’t need your protection or anything from... You”.

I refrained from rolling my eyes...remained solid in my core...thought to myself...another fucking Lana dripping with evil intent...hold my ground...so calmly but in a deeply threatening voice I replied “oh that is good, so refreshing to hear...a relief actually...I actually fucking Hate it when anyone is desperately in Need of me...it’s such a Drag....”.

She stood up and lurched across the bar to continue with her joyous self expression of malevolently unhinging the rest of the people there.

I smirked. Well played Tanya. Never let the bastards grind me down.

My new friend and “son” was actually terrified of her. I said “you don’t get out much do you?!” But kept a keen eye on him anyway. He was such a sweet young man. A rarity in that scene. A jewel in the Treasury box.

Worthy of being my Son although I was a bit worried about his little role playing fetish hahaha. People mistake my innate Witches power for BDSM Domination and it always goes bad for them. I am not a member of that Club either.

My power is innate and ancient and has sustained me throughout my entire life (even at the 11th hour when I stared my own Death right in its hairy treacherous eyeballs one too many times!)

What do they say? DEATH BECOMES HER!

Fuck it, but it’s Fabulous Darlings!

I also told Sigal about how Tichsia and Karen had gone out of their way to embarrass and humiliate me at an expensive Turkish restaurant in Southbank and that I was still very pissed off about their level of dishonour!

Sigal threw her head back and laughed hysterically when I told her that Tichsia had screamed out in the busy restaurant that I am a Witch.

I said “I mean..I am one...but it is totally unacceptable to out me in that way. Just like it is rude to scream out in public that someone is gay!” Sigal laughed and said “you forgive them, after all, it only means they recognise your POWER!”

I stared at her for a few moments. This is the third time in recent weeks that friends have told me to embrace my power as a Witch and ergo as a Woman.

I am of course, a deeply powerful Woman even in my poverty and despair.

But these are all signs that I must no longer hide my Light and must use my innate power for the most beneficial outcome for my own spirit and for those around me!

Intriguing. I don’t know how to go about it except by just being true to my own Self.

28 May 2021

28 May 2020

2:44 am. I have been lying in bed since 11ish, dozing and belching with reflux. Overheated with my extra blankets and wrestling them like a prize fighter on acid to kick them off then instead I feel cold. I was not sleeping but in some sort of insomniac daze when some weird sounds emanating from outside, upset the dog.

He sat bolt upright and listened. So I listened too. It sounded like a low whistle. Kinda creepy in the middle of the night. We listened for a while but the whistle became a bit more frenzied. So it must be a bird of some kind.

Now I am fully awake so turned my iPhone back on to make this weird nocturnal observation. Not sleeping even though I am physically and mentally exhausted is driving me insane.

8 days of moving stuff around my house has me all activated and hypervigilant.

I would be waiting to exhale but no time to breathe. I just keep shuffling and moving and creating - to what end? Only the burnt out ends of Smokey days and some mad warbling whistling unsleepy birdcall!

Ahhh there it goes again. Could be a curlew. The Tanya and the Curlew. Fighting back the night.

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3:30 am Fucking Metamorphosis!! Dr Eastwell warned me this would happen to me one day. After sleeping 16-20 hours a day for years, decades even, he said I would eventually be lucky to get 3-4 hours.

It is such a waste of time to lie in bed, resting my cockles (the cock supreme never manifested or is off cuckolding some other woman’s desires, the lousy motherfucker!) praying to shut down as even a turbo engine needs to throttle down to rest eventually!

But my body and mind are not going to give in! What is this all about? I love sleep. It’s as natural to me as breathing. Which I also don’t do very naturally. Oh well...plus ça change plus c’est la meme chose. The more things change the more they stay the same.

I like the idea of metamorphosing into a successful fully-loved-up creature of the night. Snigger! It’s okay in theory. But my mind won’t allow me to submit. For good reason. Protecting the vessel that houses the ancient spirit of The Tanya.

This body wants more from life but the spirit says “Nah uh fool...that was how the trouble started!” The long slow grinding turbulent Troubles when Tanya owned her own libido and bought into the faery tale fantasies of her Age.

The past month has seen me get busy on rebuilding my sacred space: internally and externally. Building up my hopes and dreams: shoring them up with new filigreed structures of various degrees of madness. Does anyone need to Tetris a house when no one ever visits or stays? The only one who lives here and needs satisfactory optimal space saving is little old moi!

I guess I can’t sleep as I am overly exhausted. Maybe if I had a person to cuddle up with and drink hot chocolate with I would be in dormouse-driven somnolence now.

But I don’t like ceding my freedom and no one could tolerate my constant thinking, processing and metamorphosing. I am like a giant untouchable Bug in the room. Franz Kafka was onto something.

As society breaks down we all become primal wriggling fretting things- unloveable and unworthy. But we won’t be crushed. Cochineal is such a lovely colour but I prefer my bits intact - thank you very much. Red red red blood rushing through stolid Hobbitses veins singing tunes of the sea. I long for the sea. Byron specifically.

I found a letter my arsehole mother wrote to Sophie Jakovac begging a reading and whining that Tanya was happy to be home in Island Bay as I was back with the sea but we had been burgled and she wanted to get out of there. My mother. Never satisfied no matter how much wealth she acquired.

Tanya then aged 13, just wanted the sea...and much needed peace.

Peace is coming...when I close my eyes...I can hear it breathing... or whistling like a curlew. It even scared Beauregard.

Such is life.

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4:20 am. I have made hot chocolate. I found some notes I wrote back in 2002, as the Gisela and Buck Wars intensified.

Funny! Here goes:

Plans for an Omi Bemusement Park:

1. Papier-mache Omi wearing a flowing white gown in a slouching sitting position. A computerised voice overhead intones “I’m hot”!

2. Impaled wax head of all Tanya’s enemies - 8 of them- for next Chanukah lighting.

3. Paint Omi black with a label called “Schwarze” as a commentary on her poorly disguised racism.

Although thinking about it that makes me look racist- which I am not. I was just barely surviving her and Buck’s epic vicious slander at that time of my life! I still Second guess myself. I must stop justifying my existence and my defragmenting traumatised brain!

4. An effigy of Omi lying in a coffin, covered in Tarot cards, eyes covered with coins, mouth sewn shut but sporting bright red lipstick.

5. Huge white circus tent with either Omi’s head above the doorway or the Head forms the entrance like in Luna Park. Eg Gila as a Clown, my father as a breasted man in a leopard suit in a cage, rattling the bars! Terry as the Missing Link on a trapeze at the Omi circus.

6. Arcade clowns with open mouths each labelled Buck, David, Omi etc. Tiny shrunken Tanya heads get thrown into their ever-greedy salacious mouths.

7. The Haunted House, based on Mum’s house - Tanya walks in and immediately falls asleep!

A fact not a fantasy! - when we cleared out her house in December 2008 (6 years after writing this!) the house was indeed haunted in the upstairs bedrooms. Very intense creepy vibe.

8.Tenpin bowling with Omi as the ball and the others as the pins. She knocks them All down.

(But they were willing vicious little henchmen and women. Filthy! All of it!)

9.Ferris wheel. Omi’s head on top, each carriage has a digestion problem eg tomatoes, mashed eggs. Omi says “I have Diarrhoea!” An unknown yellow liquid dribbles down on you and a voiceover says “Vat?! I am an old woman!”

10. Teacup ride of milk cocktails.

11.Floating dolls in a sarong in a pool. You fish them up to see a prize underneath. Eg shaved pussy.

(Okay that one was unfair as she was bald from gerontology and decades of friction. It happens... rolls eyes!)

12. The Duck Gallery -shaved pussies running in a line with a slave taming it...or dogs.

13.Sumo wrestling suits with blonde wigs pretend to be Omi and bounce off each other.

(reminiscent of the time Gila dyed her hair blonde and pretended to be someone named Amy! True story!)

14. “Cluedo” - Omi in her bedroom backlit and spotlit.

(Another true story and unpleasant memory!)

15. Acme - run across a minefield of Acne without getting squirted on by slime! (Dodge John’s acne!)

16. Omi Titsling -new bra for the Naughties!

17. An Omi-themed restaurant specialising in pork sausages and sauerkraut! (“Aber nein, you know I never liked sauerkraut much”.

Shut up Mum, these are my notes from 2002 and I am commemorating you. Fact is stranger than fiction where you were concerned. Also you should have eaten way more sauerkraut with your epic diarrhoea. Actually I should eat it too. Probiotics….Are life!

18. A Gila Tamer - Omi is the Lioness, Emmanuel is the elephant.

19. Jarrod’s Celebration of Honesty. An orange room with flying rubber chickens.

“Chicken Expression”: painting or sculpting of chickens

.....

Well. Now you can see how I survived without killing anyone or myself back in the day. With quirky absurdist tragicomedic vignettes and streams of consciousness revenge scenarios. But I never acted on any of them. Not even with the bogus DVO that Buck the Schmuck inculcated.

Remind me to piss on his grave some day.

Meanwhile, time to attempt sleep. I feel quite invigorated after typing out these notes. Lmao!

…

11:21 am I just woke up. Just under 6 hours sleep at long last. Grrr. I had a repetitive trauma dream about trying to move out of an abandoned warehouse with a bunch of teenagers. All hungry... all freaking out.

Everything in the commercial Freezers had defrosted so not safe to eat. I had to call out to workmen in a building next door for an extension ladder to try to get down from the Second floor. The building crumbling, and you guessed it...full to the brim of my mother’s china.

I had to make an executive decision to get myself and the kids out to safety. Crystal was wanting to keep the most insane things. The dream ended without us getting out to safety, smothered in our own possessions.

Awful. I was strong and determined though, so I think I will have the dream again, but with the happy ending where we walk free of all the crap and get to some sort of refugee camp.

There was little help, apart from the ladder. People were either apathetic or helpless or engrossed in their own worries. The building was literally collapsing in parts and I was in panic mode. Even the ladder was too short to do much.

(Hmmm Jacobs ladder theme with angels and demons scrambling across the Divide between life and death, heaven and hell. A constant theme in my own life.)

Ahh well I am safe...for now. Another day in Paradise. Stuff to do. Be well and victorious.

28 May 2019

3:25am. Woken up by two mad cats, as Socks has shit on the bed again. Threw them both outside. Sophie has been rattling the back screen door as she wanted out. No rest for the wicked.

I have scraped the catshit off the waterproof mattress cover but too tired to strip it off and put it in the laundry to soak. I should have known they would act out last night as Sophie was very fractious before I went to bed. No idea why they are being so naughty.

I am exhausted. But okay. Nocturnal emergency half dealt with. The rest can wait until morning.

…

It’s rather cold this evening. I am sitting on the couch under a throw as I am reluctant to bring out the heater just yet. But still...it’s a bit chilly. I guess winter is finally here. I have been enjoying the cooler weather for the past few days.

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28 May 2018

Today I had to face my fears and take my car back to the mechanic as the rear brakes I had replaced 18 days ago were making really loud noises and shuddering whenever I braked. The mechanic was lovely and took the car in right away and found out that the drums had not been machined properly so has sent them back to the machinist.

So I will get the car back this arvo and hopefully I will have smooth calm driving for a long while.

I felt really scared something more major had gone wrong as I don’t have money to fix it but it will hopefully be under warranty as they only just repaired it.

Fuck. I constantly feel like I am skating on glassy thin ice and about to crash and drown at any moment. So I am relieved the car is going to be all right as I need to do more daytrips as often as I can afford to as I fear my mind is slowly deteriorating and I want to live fully and vibrantly and ebulliently until I die.

I can Do This Life! I have always overcome my limitations which were/are infinite yet infinitesimal in the grand scheme of things.

What?! Me...worry...........

I had a meditation on the short walk home. Be more conscious of my Words! Manifest Bliss and Courage and Beauty and let the ugliness of fear/anxiety/bathos/ feelings of worthlessness and failure subside. It’s all illusion, Man! Good stuff flows where energy blows.

I have spiralled up and down from bleak devastation to peak delusions of love and joy a million times so just for today, what is one more circadian rhythm in the blustered, confounded but mystical and magical and so beautiful Tree of Life.

…

My mechanic told me that the tyre company (I have rung them to lay a complaint!) had left nuts on front and rear wheel loose. So that caused the damage to the rear brakes that he had worked on that same day.

He replaced it under warranty but I am furious at the tyre place as by leaving the wheels loose like that could have killed me and my friends and family in my car.

What the actual Fuck???!!!!

…

My friend, Harvey Nielsen, 28 May 2018

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5’3” and shrinkinggggggg.

28 May 2017

Another fantastic morning. I have greeted the sun. Dragged Charlie's cage outside so he can live in fresh air and splendour.

Grateful to be alive.

…

Doom and gloomers forsooth soothsayers psychobabble crap merchant.

Some of what she predicted has occurred but some of it is just devolving crap.

This planet will never end. I don't believe that. Wars, pestilence, humans happen, like diarrhoea but the planet and along with it, human potential to create a safe home for all of life is POSSIBLE if we work together and don't let evil and negativity and fear-mongering persist.

I like the idea that aliens will assist us to live in harmony (under the sea? On land?) but ends of worlds???? Never!

My world will only end when All love, all hope and all dreaming dies inside me. It has come close a few times but miracles (and shit) happens. So does Magic. Life is an ever-evolving Fibonacci spiral, a quantum fractal hologram and self-perpetuating.

Don't give up on yourself, on others, or on the Multiverses.

28 May 2016

I am worth more than a crumpled $20 bill. How much more is subject to my own opinion of myself.

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Arrrgghhhh! The dog park is one giant dust bowl. With the wind whipping it up it's akin to being in a Sahara dust storm. Ok slight hyperbole. But even Beauregard is unimpressed. No dogs to play with either. So we will snuffle around the place, visit all the doggie calling cards then head home.

…

Wheeee! 2 Labradors, a Rottweiler, another mutt of indeterminate breed, and a small fluffy dog. Beauregard is both happy and terrified! Lmao!

28 May 2015

7.57am. Got woken by Herman crowing. So let him out and adjusted his sock collar. I have a No-crow collar on order.

Last night I sorted the linen cupboard and managed to find room for more of Crystal's Stuff. I watched American Horror Story.

Crystal rang me from Paris. She is loving it there! She thanked me for teaching her basic French. The French thought she spoke well.

Hah! After all those years studying French at school and one year at university, it finally got some use. Vicariously through my daughter. Funny old world.

…

4.20pm. Sitting on a picnic rug, drinking tea and chilling with the chickens.

I slept all day! So much work last night packing and re-sorting some of Crystal's stuff and my own. I still have so much stuff under the house. Shit, Man!

Oh well, I got the front lounge in order again.

…

The light is already fading but it is so peaceful out here. Apart from Tabitha and Elvira's obsession with my china mug of tea. Herman the little Cock Supreme is exploring the garden.

Helga and Heidi won't leave the coop. Still a bit frightened in their new abode. I will leave them to adjust in their own time. Silkies are very moody and sensitive.

Frieda is out and about, very happy to have her own flock the same size. Best thing I did for her. Tabs and Elvira just keep being the big girls of Diamond Street, not giving a shit. Happily doing their thing.

They did attempt to beat up on Herman but he stood his ground. Nice to have a Rooster about the garden lol!

28 May 2014

I slept all day then around 10 pm I went to the pub to hear Woody playing Solo. Only he wasn't playing solo, he was playing with this really amazing Asian guitarist called 'Murphy' lmao. They both rocked the Irish Murphy's and I danced along happily.

The entire pub was raining men (Hallelujah?!) and there were very few women, but I caught up with Angel and Heidi. Towards the end of the night a couple of the men came over and actually (faints) asked me nicely to dance with them, so I did.

Only one was a giant. No bullshit, an extraordinarily tall man. He made me feel even more like a Hobbit than usual. He wanted to dance old school but I felt very small next to him so I told him I am just a rock chick and I don't dance like that lol.

He whined "Oh I'll teach you to dance!" and I said "No, cos I lead". So he hung around and freestyled with me for a while before slinking off back to his friends. His friend actually wanted to introduce me and said 'Big Boy is scared of you'.

I said 'Well if Big Boy is scared of me, then that is probably a good thing so quit hassling him to come over to me and introduce him and leave the poor buggar alone". So his useless friend says "Oh we are just 3 men who don't give a fuck".

So I said, "Well there you go! I am very passionate and I give a fuck about EVERYTHING, so you better stay away from me". So then he looked surprised and his giant scaredy cat came over and asked to dance with me off his own bat. lol. Drunk men are soooo weird!!!!

I had a nice time though. Now I am home, feeling very centred and grounded. I really needed that rest today. I almost feel Human.

…

I forgot to mention, on the walk home from the pub to my car, I came across The Joker card on the ground from a playing deck. I was rather bemused as I still have The Star card in my purse that I found almost 20 years ago.

Funny how the Universe sends me little signs and portents. I picked it up and brought it home. It's still in the car. I just googled its meaning.

Joker: The Joker, Fool or Jester is a mysterious figure. He is found in the Tarot, where his number is zero, and symbolizes all the ending and beginnings that make up the intricate journey of life. He is truly a 'wild card', and it is up to you whether you use him in your readings.

If you do use him, only one joker is necessary. Place it in the deck before shuffling and keep the other to the side. The Joker is essentially an unknown quantity.

The Fool enjoyed a special place in medieval courts, his humorous persona frequently masking a worldly-wise individual. The saying 'Many a true word is spoken in jest' encapsulates his essence perfectly.

Interpretation: When it appears in a spread, this enigmatic card heralds unexpected events and sudden inspirations. He brings eccentricity and freedom to a reading, and may foretell breathtaking coincidences which have the power to upturn an ordinary life.

He is neither fortunate nor unfortunate, for his nature refuses to be defined. He represents, above all, the transformational spirit of anarchy and the impersonal forces of destiny. We are foolish to believe we can totally control our own or other people's lives, he says.

…So it looks like I am in for an interesting time. (As usual...my life is always interesting!)

28 May 2013

Michelle Sklow Stevens’s 40th birthday. 1994

28 May 2011

I slept all day but am in a truly serene mood 'ahhh, smell the Serenity'. I feel really peaceful. I spent the evening making poffertje mix, and a lemon and yoghurt cake cos I want chocolate lol. ‘Puter coming back on Monday, thanks to Lyn and Peter! Wooohooooo!

28 May 2010

I am deeply satisfied to have completed the photocopying. Roll on Tuesday so I can afford to post the lot, get it outta my life and keep my lawyer bemused, amused and busy for a while longer.

The exciting part will be waiting to see what the Scherers do now that they can't access Mum's money or get the keys to her house because of the Caveat my clever lawyer took out. Bliss!

28 May 2009

Happy Shavuot everyone!

…

I had a car accident today...car ok but I have whiplash Wahhhhhhhhhhh!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons