Me Versus the Anti-Masker

Let’s start with some background before I get into the events of today. I live in Wake County, North Carolina. Our COVID-19 statistics for today were:

749,000 cases in North Carolina

66,925, which is an increase of 2,449 cases

448 deaths plus one for the day

This Saturday started with a typical morning routine — however, today, I needed to take Annie — our 6-year old female Chiweenie (a mutt that’s a combination of a chihuahua and a dachshund), to get her nails clipped. It’s a monthly ritual that’s become less of an ordeal as she has become older.

After I lured her into the car, we went to a place called “Dazzling Dogs” in a strip mall one mile from our house. Annie is usually very nervous, so she rides on my lap and anxiously looks out the window. I acknowledge that it’s not entirely safe, and I look ridiculous for the quick five-minute ride — but my wife can’t stomach the whole event, so I don’t have anyone to hold Annie while I drive. I mask up with two masks (one KN95 and a homemade one) and leave the car.

We arrive, and plastered on the outside windows of the dog care salon are signs that say “Masks required” and “Occupancy: One customer at a time in the lobby.” The “lobby” is roughly a 2’ by 4’ area with a desk, a couple of chairs, and large metal wire dog crates along the walls and window. A woman wearing a mask was dropping off her labradoodle, so I waited outside until she left.

I went inside with Annie, and we did our usual nail clipping routine. When Annie finishes getting her nails done, she needs to flee the premises — so I’m trying to restrain a 20-pound dog who is on a linoleum tile floor motoring with her front legs to make it to the front door as quickly as possible. She drags me to the front desk, where I abruptly stop her mad dash to the door to pay. I got my wallet out, handed the credit card to the attendant, and strained to contain the marlin that was disguised as my dog. I also noticed that someone was outside — under the frosted window decorations, I saw a worn light brown pair of deck shoes and the bottom of jeans.

I thought to myself — “Well, he probably sees the signs and is not going to come in.”

I was wrong.

The door was flung open, and a man who was about 60, had a bald head and wearing a puffy blue coat and blue jeans with the aforementioned deck shoes poked his head in — and in his right arm was a small white Norwich Terrier.

The real problem was that he did not have a mask.

After soaking in this image, I looked at him, sighed, and said: “I’m almost done paying. The sign says one person at a time, and also, you need a mask.”

Usually, most people would say, “Oh, sorry — I forgot it in the car, let me get it.” Most people are pretty accommodating.

Not this guy — his eloquent response was (I’m not making this up): “Front you.” Only, he didn’t say “front.” It was something more derogatory that was slang pertaining to sexual activity.

After the initial shock of the confrontation subsided, my testosterone started flowing, and I thought of the wittiest comeback I could think of at the time. Which was: “Front you too, buddy, go get a mask and come back.”

Remember, we aren’t two kids on a playground. I just turned 50, and this “gentleman” is roughly ten years my senior. He decides to up the stakes of the encounter and says, “Why don’t you step outside and say that to me?”

Well, great, I thought. How will I explain to my wife that I took Annie for a nail trim and ended up getting beaten up by a guy with a terrier? I pointed at him and said, “Okay, give me one second to pay for my dog, and I’ll come out there and say the same thing — you are part of the problem with not following directions.”

I was holding my breath to see what would happen — I’m 6’5”, so many people don’t pick many fights with me. But I am in no way a musclebound man.

My adversary squinted his eyes (while still holding the puzzled terrier while holding the door open) and sized me up with my small squirming dog making two trenches on the tile floor. He stiffened and growled: “Froth you.” Again, he didn’t use the exact phrasing, but he slams the door behind him and storms off.

Exhaling to myself and patting myself mentally on the back for not getting into a rumble, I turned back to the clerk who was looking at me with her mouth wide open. I had forgotten she was even there. She gave me my card back and exclaimed, “I can’t believe he was so rude!”

I shrugged and said that I didn’t have any choice — I would have had to go through him to leave, and he had no mask. They agreed that I did the right thing and mentioned that many people came in there without a face covering with no regard for the signs or that they could infect other people.

I noticed a movement outside of the corner of my eye, and I hurriedly signed the credit card slip. My nemesis was back.

Hurriedly I move to the door and open it before he can and move through with my lunging dog, who senses freedom. I look at him, and I notice that now he has a black mask securely on his face.

A small sense of victory washed over me, and without missing a step, I walk past him and exclaim, “There you go, was that so hard?” and hit my stride on the sidewalk with a very grateful dog pulling me.

The reformed anti-masker then shouted something that I couldn’t hear and finally took his restless terrier into the salon.

I went home and resumed my day — but I couldn’t help but think — why did that whole strange event need to happen?

Studies have proven that masks save lives, and over 130,000 lives could be saved if we wore a mask.

Is it a masculinity issue? I guess I ran into the “toxic masculinity” we all have been hearing about from people throwing tantrums in Trader Joe’s and Walmarts?

Maybe my near-assailant was drunk — I haven’t been told to “come outside and say that” since my early 20s. Heck, I wouldn’t know what to do if we were to fight. Would we put the dogs on the side? Would they sniff each other’s butts while we punched the crap out of each other?

Maybe it’s just the pandemic — the stress levels are rising, and possibly the worst of humankind is rearing its ugly head.

I just want to make it through 2021 without going to the hospital for COVID-19. I’m hoping that I can make it.

Wearing a mask will help — please do your part.