Masala For Two

I had always been drawn to Indian culture since I was a child. There is something sensual and tactile about all the smells, colors, and sounds I imagined there. New Delhi did not disappoint me, quite the opposite, it opened my heart again after a series of trauma's in my life that left me feeling like I would never fully inhabit my body again.

I did not know I would lose my heart to a young Muslim tour guide when we arrived in New Delhi on a sweltering day in May of 2018, but I did. He was charming, and handsome as all get out, and 2o years younger than myself! Allah have mercy! No, there was no mercy for me when he stood before me holding two mala's ( Hindu prayer beads used to recite mantra's in meditation), and said, "which one do you want?" I had not expected a choice. I had given him some money and tasked him with buying one for me because I thought as a guide he could haggle a good price. It is very customary in India to haggle over price, however, as an American of British decent I was too reserved to feel confident about it. I pointed at the longer of the two, knowing that it had 108 beads as is traditional for the cycle of repetition of the names of the Hindu dieties. He nodded, and returned shortly and placed the one I had chosen in my hands, along with the money I had given him. Hadn't he paid for it? I was confused. I stammered, "The money I gave you was to pay for it?" "I know," he said, "It is my gift." I felt my heart stir. Well, that was unexpected. "Thank you so much," I managed to say, before he quickly ushered us to find our footwear and get ready to return to the car. I joined my companions and searched through the throng of shoe styles on the ground before us and found my Teva's that I had purchased in the States especially for this trip and all the walking we expected to do. They proved to be heavy and hot, and not very feminine with the traditional style Indian kurta I had bought the day before. I managed to squish my sweating feet into them, when I looked up as saw Raj looking as though he was about to start crying. My heart fluttered and sank. Why on Earth was he so upset? I suddenly found myself worried for him. But why? I hardly knew him. We had only met yesterday at the start of two days of touring New Delhi before we would fly to Kathmandu, Nepal and begin a 16 Day Trek to Mount Everest Base Camp. I was drawn to Raj, almost magnetically. I found myself walking up to him, and sharing my concern for him putting a motherly arm around him. "I am feeling so embarrased, he said quietly, I don't know how to give you a proper tour of this temple, I don't know enough about it." "You wanted to see a Hindu temple, and I have not done a good job for you." I suddenly realized his predicament. We had seen several Muslim temples the day before and a number of historic sites. I had requested specifically a desire to see a Hindu temple today. We had encountered a road block, and some seemingly upset pedestrians on the way to a Hindu temple earlier and it had caused us to be detoured on our route. Raj had found this temple as an alternative, but he had never actually been to it before. "I feel very badly," he added. His vulnerability touched my heart deeply. "It's okay," I said, "you tried your best, don't be upset." "I did not want to disappoint you," he said. I replied," You didn't, I have this wonderful mala." I had coaxed a smile from him at least and that made me feel better.

We shuffled our way slowly through the masses to our car driven by Raj's friend Bilal. On the ride back to our hotel, my travel companions fell asleep in the heat of the day. I managed to stay awake with my eyes closed to avoid the sun's glare. The motorbikes, buses, rickshaws, cows, trucks and bicycles whirred bye in a way that struck me as organized chaos. I overhead, Bilal say to Raj, "you always fall in love with women you can't have." My mind grabbed on to that statement.. Was he referring to me? I could not stop the feeling of having a school girl crush on Raj if I tried. It was like I had known him in another lifetime. His eyes, the way he smiled, how he walked...it was all familiar. He was in my head to stay. It didn't make sense. I kept reminding myself of how young he was. It didn't help. Sometimes love really is that simple. Souls just recognize souls. That was how it was with us. We both knew it in an instant, as I would come to find out in his texts when we left the following day to go to Nepal.

He had asked me if I was on facebook on the ride back to our hotel. Yes, I said, and he immediately found my account and friended me. I, ofcourse, accepted. That night, back at our hotel, I got a text from him that said, "Hello beautiful." Oh Gosh, the fleeting feeling of hesitation crept over me, did I invite that? What am I doing? Some part of me, allowed it in that moment, wanted it, knew it was going to be a lifetime. I texted him back, "Hi Raj, Masala tea for two tomorrow before you and Bilal take us to the airport?" "Sure," he said, "I would love it."

I met him in the hotel lobby early the next morning. He had on black jeans and a Levi T-Shirt. He had a casual cool way about him I was very attracted to. I wore another Indian outfit I had purchased on the trip. We smiled shyly at one another, as the waiter came to take our order. "Two Masala Chai," Raj took the liberty of placing our order. I tried to come to my senses, I took a breath and said, "I am too old for you, you know?" He was not dettered in the least, "Love knows no age." "Why are you making it difficult for us?" I was not prepared for this. Wise for his years? Charm galore? I didn't care. I was in. "Will you keep in touch from Nepal?" he asked. I heard myself say, "yes."

I began to cry that afternoon standing in Indira Ghandi International Airport. I felt ridiculous. Foolish. "Why on Earth, are you crying?" I asked myself. The answer came swiftly and was a palable pain right to my heart, "I don't want to leave here....leave him." I cried harder, feeling stupid in the airport, and very in love at the same time.

It was then I remembered his words over our Masala tea that morning in the hotel lobby, and I felt a warm comfort settle over my body, "I wanted to give you that mala as a gift, so that maybe you will never forget me."

A year went by before I was able to travel to travel back to India to visit Raj. We Messenged nearly every day, and did audio calls when we could. It was just as magical as I had hoped seeing him again. He took me North from New Delhi to show me Jaipur, Rishkesh and Haridwar. We planned to see eachother again sooner the next time, and then the Covid-10 Pandemic hit.We continue to have hope, knowing true love endures all hardships. It isn't always easy being apart, but, most of my days are his nights and when I text "Namaste" in greeting to him when I wake, he says, "time for Masala Tea for two." I respond with "LOL", and we discuss our daily lives and it is like we are together. I swear I can taste the cardamon, black pepper and star anise on my lips as I see him across from me taking the first sip from his cup. My phone lights up with his text, "I am with you."