Magick's Blue Moon

Magick pressed the last strand of her thick, coarse hair with her “As Seen On Tv” flat iron. She’s relatively pleased with the final product. It was a two-hour long fight to straighten every cuticle and nap. It was exasperating. She refused to perm it like her mother suggested. Perms are too permanent and too much of a commitment to one style. She saw the time and rushed out for school.

This was her last year of high school and it was beyond stressful. While her classmates stressed over colleges to pick, she had doubts that she would be able to pay for any school. She went to private school, but college is a different kind of expense. Magick’s parents were hardworking, but money was low since her dad lost his job. She applied for numerous scholarships and was currently waiting for the results of an essay competition. This was one of her last hopes, because lately, nothing had panned out.

Magick was only two days from her 18th birthday. This year her birthday, same day as Halloween, came with a rare blue moon. Blue moons are a rare gem of nature, gracing the skies with two full moons in a single month. Magick was a mystic like her grandmother, so this was a big event. Her Granny was a faithful moon gazer who passed away two years ago. Nothing was the same without her. It was the biggest blow of her life. Granny Ruby was the three M’s: mystical, magical, and marvelous. Ruby was Magick’s safe place. It was the only place she could say or ask anything and receive nothing in return, but unconditional love. Losing her was depleting.

Magick forsook most of the spiritual practices that she shared with Ruby. On full moon nights she would sleepover and they would meditate under the moonlight. Ruby's backyard was filled with plush green trees and a lawn that extended to the orange field next door. The citrus-y scent blended nicely with the candles that encircled the plush yellow blanket on the grass. Ruby taught her proper mediation pose: back straight, legs folded, and hands in your lap with palms facing the sky. She said it was all about letting the oxygen flow freely through you. Ruby was adamant that the moon demanded an audience. “She darkens the skies and reveals her beauty in teasing, but pleasing phases. She then rolls back the skies curtains and shows her full majesty. Blue moons are the encore!” Magick didn’t understand fully what her grandmother was speaking of, but it was the passion behind her words that ignited her own love affair with the moon. She was planning to reengage since this blue moon fell on a milestone birthday. For a moon gazer this could not be ignored, maybe something special was on the horizon. Ruby’s house was still empty after the last sale fell through. It at least gave her more time to spend in the house. It made her feel closer to Ruby and she hoped that she would send her a sign letting her know she was still there. A sign never came.

Magick arrived at school as a mass of blue and white uniformed teens shuffled up the stairs. The countdown began the first day at this place. In a few months, she would be able to escape. It was a small private school and only about one percent of the student body was black, which made her uncomfortably visible in every class. Every time the teacher discussed racism her input was solicited with not-so-subtle coercion. She cared about the issues that plagued society, but most days she just wanted to be a regular 17 year-old girl. Only worrying about what kind of dress to wear for Homecoming? Not explaining centuries of black oppression to over-privileged students who treated her like a mascot instead of a human being.

She did everything to blend in with the rest of her peers. Magick harshly manipulated her tightly, coiled afro to straight tresses that reached down her back. Her first reveal with straight hair, shocked everyone at school. Most assumed it was a weave because no one understood black hair shrinkage. Magick explained, “ black hair hugs our crown until we release it.” Her poetic phrasing was lost on them. “In other words, our hair shrivels until we hot-comb it!” She was also using skin-bleaching crèmes for the past year. It was semi-successfully lightening her medium, dark, brown tone. She hoped for more progress, but with make-up she could exaggerate the results. It wasn’t that she wanted to be white. She just didn’t want to be humiliated for she being black. There weren’t many students who were overtly racist, but the subtle racist jabs was killing her slowly. The mentions about her “nappy” hair, her “black girl” fat ass, and people assuming that she’s fatherless. The school had a no-tolerance policy on racism, but that only applied to the students without rich parents. “Keep your head down and be invisible” was her policy. It was her only hope to get through the year.

Magick’s homeroom teacher, Mr. Greene was waiting for her at the door. “You did it! You won the scholarship money for the essay!" Magick grabbed her chest as the oxygen stalled in her body. She had never won anything in her life! Her body trembled in disbelief. She wanted go everywhere all at once, but her skin prohibited such a display of joy. Mr. Greene lips were still moving but she could not decipher much of what he was saying. “I won!” Magick slid in her desk with her face buried in her hands. The Principal blasted her name over the intercom announcing she won $20,000 in scholarship money. The class applauded after Mr. Greene’s prompting. Some were smiling, and some faces were green with envy. Secretly, it was the green faces that brought her the most satisfaction. She was embarrassed by the attention and wanted the moment to pass. The less attention, the less likely she would be the victim of an off-colored quip from a classmate. It would not be escaped. Josh Scully, the spoiled rich jock, patted her on the shoulder, “ Affirmative Action, has it perks, eh?” The words slithered from his tongue like venom. He grinned and plopped back in his seat. Magick saw red. “Fuck you! I worked hard on that essay you insecure, small dick, privileged asshole! ” The grin disappeared from his smug face. She finally said what she wanted to say, in the moment she wanted to say it. She stormed out of class. Josh was attempting to put her in her place. It was too unimaginable that she won because she was a good writer, smart, or worked her black ass off. He reduced her to a quota, a statistic, or a number. She felt dehumanized.

The next couple days were a whirlwind of emotion after she told her parents about the scholarship. They surprised her with a special dinner to celebrate her birthday and her victory. After being horribly insulted, it was a delight to witness her parent’s joy and pride in her achievements.

Today, finally was her 18th birthday. She had finally crossed the threshold of adulthood. Something felt magical about the day. It was the way the sunlight peeped through the crack of her curtains and gently caressed her face until she woke. It was the butterflies floating in her stomach like after her first kiss. Every year, an adult would approach her on every birthday, and ask if she felt different. And every year, with an inner eye roll she would say, “No sir. No ma’am.” But today was different; maybe it was the blue moon tonight?

In the midst of her excitement, Magick’s heart ached for her grandmother. Ruby and Magick would talk for hours after their meditations. Ruby would talk about her childhood and she hung on every word. Magick could see herself in her grandmother and wanted desperately to be like her. Under the moon with her grandmother, is when she felt like the best version of herself. She was uninhibited and free. No flat irons, bleaching crèmes, or asshole classmates. It was just Ruby, Magick, and the moon.

Magick laid out the plush yellow blanket on the lawn. She placed the tealight candles all around it. The night was perfect. The refreshing breeze in the air was impeccable company. She assumed her meditation pose and opened the little black book that Ruby gifted her with inspirational quotes and affirmations. She combed through the pages and finally found something that tugged at her. “ The light that carries you will be the same light you find within you. You are the light. You are the moon and the sun of your universe. -Unknown Author”

Magick closed her eyes as she pondered the quote. With each exhale she felt a strange pull within her. It became more intense with each breath, almost intoxicating. She felt as if she was being summoned to step outside of herself. What was happening? “Magick…let go.” She took one last breath and relinquished control. Her body fell limp across the blanket, but she never felt more alive. She was floating in the air, being pulled towards the moon by two wavy, white bands of light enveloping her being. “Am I dead?” “No. Come.” There’s that voice, it was so soothing, but commanding. She was face to face with the moon. The beauty could not be articulated with any words in any dictionary. Magick’s heart was exploding with awe, but it felt oddly familiar. “Who are you?” “ I am the Moon.” The moon, talks? “Magick you admire my beauty, but I serve only to reflect your beauty. The beauty that you admire is actually your own.” “I don’t understand?” “I am the moon and you are the ruler of moon! You are truly magic.” Joi felt a jolt of electricity run through her. What does this mean? Ruler of the moon? That’s actually a thing?

A diamond shimmer blanketed her brown skin and her hair returned to a tightly coiled Afro that would have rivaled a 70’s Angela Davis. “My love, don’t be ashamed of who you are. Your natural brown skin is your pearls. Your coiled hair are like spiraled diamonds growing from your scalp. You are to standout! Magic rules the moon and you are the magic!” The bands of light gathered generously around the curves of her body to highlight its splendor. “Remember self love is the best love. You’re perfect just as you are.”

A gentle gravitational pull placed her back in her limp body laying in the backyard. Magick popped up gasping for air. She scanned her hands over body to make sure all her parts were there. They were. She ran into the house to the bathroom. She looked in the mirror and her skin had returned to its natural hue. Her hair was a curly afro and for the first time she saw that she was beautiful. The mask was off- finally. She boldly declared, “ I am beautiful just as I am.” Magick was literally magic.

Magick returned home the next morning feeling brand new. She felt proud to be in her own skin. She wished that her grandmother were there to witness her transformation. She was the only one that would understand. No one else would believe what happened last night. Magick laid across her bed with her little black book to find another inspirational quote. She noticed on the back cover a note was taped to the back. Her eyes bulged. It was Ruby’s handwriting:

Dear Magick,

I AM THE MOON. This is only the beginning.

Love,

Granny

Magick let a tear slip from her eye as she held the note to her chest. “Thank you Granny. I promise to never lose myself again.”