Loyalty, Need, or Self-Respect?

It may seem odd to write about a pastor's wife, Aventar Gray, and a famous rapper of current WAP fame, in the same article , but I see pretty sad similarities between these seemingly opposite women.

Aventar Gray was cheated on and publicly humiliated by her "pastor" husband John Gray. Most people speculate that he has cheated on her way more than what is publicly known. She goes all out defending him saying the "devil" is not going to steal her marriage. Does this get settled by self reflection, communication and therapy? No. She just goes in on the other woman and John Gray buys her a really expensive car and gives a rather dubious public apology. Now all is right with the world.

Cardi B is young, beautiful and talented. You have to give her that. Many people pretty much lost their minds when WAP came out but it really wasn't that deep to me, because first of all, Cardi is not the first woman to talk explicitly about sex in song and she certainly won't be the last. Next, I can't feel any type of way about a married woman talking about sex not to mention, society is pretty consumed with sex anyway. So her husband cheats on her but woos her back with a big display of affection. She files for divorce later on because she "was tired of all the fighting" and she was unhappy but she gets a 300,000 Rolls Royce along with an 8000 car seat for Kulture from him and BOOM, they are back together again. Not to mention Cardi said she missed the d**k and wanted some d for her birthday.

Now it's very easy to call Cardi B a "bad role model" but she and Aventar Gray are BOTH bad role models. Here's why: Both of these women are showing their daughters and other women that if a man cheats on you, humiliates you, disrespects you, and if you are generally unhappy in the relationship, but he can buy you expensive things and the sex is good, go ahead and stay. This is a problem.

What many women have not learned is that we do not have to tolerate what writers have called "struggle love". We are told, if he cheats on you, just pray for him or maybe your doing something wrong. If he humiliates and disrespects you, go ahead and stay because "there are more women than men in the world and you don't want to end up alone. (I LOATHE this kind of thinking but that's for another post). If you are unhappy in your relationship, go ahead and stay for the sake of the kids and/or your reputation.

Now don't get me wrong, relationships are just wonderful when they are RIGHT. No one is perfect and problems can and do arise. There is nothing wrong with trying to work on your marriage if BOTH of you are equally invested in that. There is nothing wrong with being with someone who has not "arrived" as long as they are consistently pursing their purpose and goals and loves and respects you for real. Nothing wrong with that. It's just that if there are more bad days than good days, if you are walking on eggshells all the time, if you are filled with uncertainty about your relationship on a regular basis, than there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing YOU. It's alright to choose your self-worth, your self-respect, and your purpose. If you are burdened down with a relationship that damages your self esteem, sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself and even the other person is to just WALK AWAY.