love is simple

I love you with a simple emotion that nobody understands...

You and I know each other through the "Tinder" app that young people like us today use just to find someone to talk to or have something deeper than that. But I'm sure everyone knows it's a common app for young people nowadays.

One boring day when I took my phone in my hand and opened the app and found someone to talk to, somebody replied to my message once in a while. Yeah, that's me...

***

Forget it. Let me introduce you to myself. I am... and I'm currently doing two jobs, the Designer and the Barista, and my nature is simple, rarely angry with people and always happy to be in contact with people. And my name... is a depressed person, who is rarely sad and rarely expresses his feelings to everyone around me.

yeu-don-gian

We started to talk to each other very simply, asking about each other's work, everyday life and purposes just to get to talk so we don't shut up. As it were, our conversation continued day by day. One day you initially called me for a coffee because you were free and could see how the nose was on both sides, but because I was going to work at the time and even if I had done it, I couldn't get ready to re-dress myself because my workplace was far from home so it would be a long time, I had to refuse that appointment and move on to another occasion not far away. It's true that the next day you called me for coffee, and this time I agreed. As always when I'm a girl, I've been actively asking where to meet and I'll drive or drive to the meeting. You asked me.

- Would you like to pick me up or would I take the car to the appointment?

I answered without thinking.

- So let me pick you up, get a car.

Since I work in the morning, I have more time to prepare for my first date. I watched the clock and ran through your house, because my house and you were close, so it didn't take much time to pick up. After I came to your house, I looked and guessed that your family belonged to a fairly false class and the demand would be a little higher. But no, after I met you and on the way to chat with you, I realized that you were an extremely simple person, with no high demands like other girls, and that's what surprised me, so on the road from your house to the cafe we talked a lot about this life. Going to the cafe with the scenery there that seemed perfect for my first date with you, the scene wasn't very quiet either, but it was enough for both of you to pay attention to each other's stories to listen to. Thro that attentive conversation I couldn't take my eyes off when your face looked so beautiful and that's what made me most noticeable on this date. It's time to go home in the morning, because I'm an office worker, so all the days of the week I have to get up early and go to work, so I need to get back to work early so I can get up the next day. The way home was the same as when you started, and you two told each other about things in heaven and on earth until you got home. I went to my house, changed my clothes and went to bed, and then I hugged my phone and texted you about today's appointment.

- Come with me today, are you having fun?

Seeing you've read the message, I've answered it.

- It's fun! Haha.

The end of the first date was not a little disappointment for both parties but instead the desire to have another date on a nice day.

One sunny morning, I woke up ready to go to work. Before I left, I sent you a short message so I could start the story for a new day.

- Have a good morning!

Because you woke up after me, it took me a while to get a message from you.

- Morninggggg you!

All of a sudden, all day long, I felt that there was something in my heart called the spirit to work on. Isn't that what people often call "the lightning of love"?

After that first date, we had more appointments, and we went to the places that we thought were the most relaxed. Once after I got home for coffee, you asked me to take a walk in District One, and the road suddenly turned cold, so I asked you.

- Are you cold?

- Yes!

Then I remained silent and continued to walk through the crowded streets out there. On my way home, I was bitterly wondering if I should hold your hand. I hesitated for a while and suddenly realized I was coming to your house, so I took your hand a little, felt the warmth in your palm, it made me not want to let go and wanted to continue carrying you so that I could hold my hand full of that warmth. But then I finally had to go to your house, I hurried to let your hands out but you didn't even come in and told me to wear warm clothes because it would be very cold on the road, I told you a few jokes and then I also dressed warm clothing and ran home, on the way home I did not stop thinking about my last act of holding hands, I even thought you would hesitate and withdraw your hands, but otherwise you still hold my hand at the time.

Do you have any feelings for me?

Go home. As usual, I lie in bed and hold my phone and ask you my old question at the end of the date. Per today is the date that makes me think the most about what I did, so tonight is just tonight, and tomorrow will be a new and more tired day for me and you.

As usual, the opening sentence I give you every morning is good wishes to you. After a lot of talk, you seem to be more interested in talking to me in the last few days and actively asking me more things, which makes me happy and almost more motivated to do a better job. It's true that when there's love in it, everything you do gets perfectly satisfied, isn't it? But I was in a hurry too soon to realize that I was too in a rush in this relationship. You've been telling me many times that slowly because the time is unlimited, I agree with you on that, so I'm restricting what's necessary.

Sometimes when I'm done with my business I run for some delicious cakes to bring to your company and give it to you, feeling like I give food to someone I like is happy and happy. Seeing your smile blossom on my lips every time I come down to eat it keeps me trembling in my heart.

But then, as long as that happy time doesn't last, everything turns upside down. Our conversations started to shrink, sometimes we sent a message in the morning and in the afternoon you answered my message, and when I asked you, you said you were busy, and it's almost the end of the year, so your company has a lot to do. That's why I understand you as a very energetic person in the work I'm doing. Sometimes I just text you to remember to eat enough and stay healthy to be able to work more effectively. Besides, I don't get to talk to you a lot, partly I am afraid of affecting the work process and the rest I do not want you to think that I always hold on to you.

I'm trying to keep my emotions from being known to anyone around me and especially to you. I don't know what I'm thinking or doing. Since I 've had little conversation with you, my mood has not been as good as it was, and I have no interest in work. What's wrong with me? My head shields me from thinking about bad things, telling myself, "You must be really busy," that's just a temporary reassurance that I've created myself. I don't know if you're still interested in meeting me or connecting with me, but maybe not now!

I really don't know how long I've been in love with you, but every time I meet, there's always something in my heart that I want to reveal to you, unfortunately all that's been blocked by a lack of courage right then. Is it because I don't have confidence or because I think I'm in a hurry with a relationship you're neither in love nor in love?

Every time I miss you like this, I just want to text you.

- I miss you!

...

So it's been over a week since those emotions got messed up, and all that's left is short-sighted questions, no video calls in these cold late nights. The joy in me is gone now, the emotions are still the same... Why do I force others to understand my feelings when I haven't been able to shape my emotions in the past, if I'm too much to force people to understand me in this way, or if I am making myself selfish?

24.12.2020

It's Christmas today, and I don't have any appointments from my friends or from you...I realized this very soon, so I gave myself the option of going to work to make the day go by so quickly because for me, holidays like this don't know where to go or who to go with. During the day, the streets have also seen the vibrant atmosphere from the people around them, couples who lead each other to buy gifts for the end of the year. And I'm still pretending to have a lot of work done, because at the end of the year, I've got some work to finish so I can get tired over the years.

I bought a small gift for you for this occasion, but I'm sorry I can't give it to you myself, meeting you has been a tough thing in this time and then I'll meet you for a little gift. I packed it carefully and ordered the shipment for you, so you could get my gift without having to meet. I hope you'll enjoy it, although it's not a gift of great value, but it is also a little memory that I got to know you and be with you. After this gift, I didn't know if I could see you again or just stop the memorial here. In that gift I wrote you a letter, which sounds ridiculous for some time and still puts this handwritten letter. But no, even if it's a long message, I'm sure you've read it, maybe you'll leave it in silence or something, or maybe you don't get to the news, so I'll just write down my thoughts and feelings over the years to you. How I liked you.

Just like the first line I wrote "Simple Love," it's when I don't have to think much and try not to think negatively in this emotion, the more negative it makes me think more and more sad, everything goes on as it was meant from the start. Love at first sight, love from inherent memories and remember when we're not each other's. But to say love is so simple, no one can do it, if there are only a few lucky or persistent people.

For me, when I've loved someone, I accept myself to take back those sad and unpleasant feelings to be able to give them things that I can make them happy and happy, maybe that's just too much and I don't need anything more because it's the rule. I'm sure I can get back what I want, but what I get back is sometimes just sad.