Love, A Constantly Changing Meaning In Society

Love, is it conditional or is it unconditional? To whom do you love and do you consider them being loved unconditionally and why? These are questions most would never think of asking themselves or others in their lives. What makes someone love another person? Could it be the oxytocin’s-and other drugs of the brain like dopamine-releasing causing us to have a rush that we have become addicted to? Could it be that we are not addicted to the rush of “happy drugs” but that we like the suffering or loss of a relationship when things between two come to an end? Are we addicted to the uncertainty of love? Let’s find out.

Love, to me, is not an unconditional feeling nor is it something I’ve noticed in my life to be constant in most people around me. For example, if you were a child again and accidentally broke a vase, possibly your mother’s favorite, and she comes in and sees it is broken, is the conditional love going to hit you and punish you for a simple mistake or is the unconditional love going to say it’s okay be more careful next time and use it as a teachable moment? This hasn’t personally happened to me but it is a great example because most find controversy in that the child either should or shouldn’t be punished.

My belief is that children need punishment and structure to teach them how to stay grounded but I do not believe that someone who professes to unconditionally love someone else will willingly reinforce with anger and disappointment or dissatisfaction with the others decisions to cause more harm then needed to teach the lesson. Parents are very hypocritical and backwards on these thoughts and beliefs, not only noticing it from my own parents but also from many of my friends and their parents relationships with them.

When I titled this paper “Love, A Constantly Changing Meaning In Society” I named it that because throughout my life I have noticed and or experienced many different types of love. Either it be “true” love or mediocre love, from having an amazing foundation of care and support it can be destroyed by another’s jealousy and lusts; people are not consistent with their own beliefs about love for another person. My system of love is that if I love you, I will never hate you; you could do something so heinous to me or my family, something to make my blood boil, but I will still be there for you the next day.

The reason I withhold this unusual and possibly self-destructive view on love is because of my mother. I was not the easiest child growing up and still today I am not the best-acting or best-behaving person, but she always supports me and will always love me. Her love is unconditional, as I would like to believe all mothers’ love for their children is, but we have seen evidence of mothers’ brutally, killing their children and husbands as well. So this brings me back to the title. Love is a constantly changing meaning in society, how people love and support each other has been changing since the beginning of time.

My father was beaten by his father as my grandfather was by his father before him, but my father did not beat me anywhere as close to how much the many generations before of Daly men had been abused by those quoting to love their sons or daughters. This inconsistency can be seen with many relationships in society today but as the generations have progressed; I have observed that more kids today aren’t as beaten with newer generations. Beatings and abuse towards children is lessening and unconditional love and support for their children are becoming more regular than vice versa.

Friendships in themselves are held together with the agreement of trust and care for one another, possibly a love between the two friends. I love both my male and female friends equally; no matter what they may do one day, I will always have forgiveness the next. Of course, this doesn’t mean if I am being taken advantage of I would not release them to become friends with someone else. This entails that I do my best to live everyday with those I enjoy and love, I keep a consistency with all of them that they well understand.

Family is held together by love, and I believe it is love, purely and only, that keeps families together in the first place. Possibly in some people’s cases it is the comfortability or ease of not worrying where they have to live that they may stay with their families but still, there is love, even when in an abusive family. Turmoil and hatred toward someone may exist but yet there is still love for that child or parents. That in itself complexes me very much, simply because if I am leaving the house and my mom or dad says “stop” why do I stop? It is not my respect for them I assure you, it is not that I feel obligated to stop or listen to them; but I have noticed it is the love inside that is a force on its own that makes me… stop.

In an intimate relationship love is simply a chemical reaction; of course, the same could be said for friends and family, but the difference with the love for your partner is a much heavier chemical background as to why we love our partner no matter his or her consistent flaws and irrational actions or quick judgement feelings. I am a spiritual person so I do have beliefs that some of the love in relationships comes from a more non physical holistic meaning or starting point. But most people don’t realize the spiritual aspect of love between each other, and in those relationships where there is tension constantly and not openness or communication between one another, I see failure and conditional love.

I personally have experienced love or intimate relationships (appropriate for that age at that time) since I was a small child in elementary school; most people would say that a child could not, or would not, be able to fall in love, nonetheless comprehend such heavy emotional attachment toward another person. To those that are adults that doubt children do not experience love, I have asked, when you were a child did you love your parents and understand that you loved them because they were your parents, they answered yes, so then you were able to love someone and have a comprehensive understanding of that love and its meaning as to why you loved and respected them. When other people my age say these things I ask the same question. These sort of self-acknowledging answers always seem to leave these people befuddled as they never realized a child actually can fall in love and understand the feelings of such a deep emotion.

It isn’t to say that this love affair ended well (as all children’s relationships do (sarcasm)), no; it actually ended with me being really, really, really depressed for a long period of time afterwards as I understood the feeling I had for her at that time but could not comprehend my feelings when the communication and love connection were cut. That is where children lack knowledge and understanding of emotional attachments. It is not so surprising, on the other hand, that some adults still deal with emotional attachments only as well as I did when I was a fifth grader: full of excitement and joyous lust until it ends and not understanding the feelings and or after-effects of the newly destroyed bond between them and the one they loved.

Now that I am an adult and I have fallen in love for a total of eight times and have experienced many different emotions and feelings as to why things happen the way they do and what actions lead to better outcomes; that now I have the knowledge and understanding as to why things end between me and another person and that what I should have done also has room for what they could have been doing. The issue can be communication, trust or a variety of different complications that can arise in a relationship either in middle school, high school, college or in average marriages.

I have found it interesting from watching my own parents and their flaws in their relationships and taking notes as to how they solved the downfalls of one or the other's choices and stuck things out to find a better day. The main fix that has always been consistent with them was they talked things out, they communicated their fears or wants and or needs to one another and did their best to share what they may feel is lacking in their relationship.

This isn’t something a lot of people in intimate relationships notice nor is it often talked about and made something of importance in most relationships simply because they are either afraid or uncomfortable with the chance that the other may not listen or want to end things based on the truth of the other person’s feelings. Fear I believe drives most relationships into the ground instead of lifting it up to a newer more stable level. Love, like all things, has ever-changing meaning or perspective; everyone has his or her own personal view of. My view may not be seen or understood by everyone but that’s okay because with the views I have created for myself, that I will have nothing but success not only in finding the right person or people to love but also how to love them and myself.

In conclusion, One of the biggest-and least listened to-lines everyone I believe has heard before, is “you have to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else '' and I find personally that there is no bigger truth in it than that. If you don't love yourself then you can’t possibly truly love another person, it's not going to be as genuine as love is supposed to be. My own personal journey in the past eighteen years has so far taught me the ups and downs of love and the immense amount of power and hold emotions for another person can sway you and your life. I also have learned choosing who you love is just as important as how you love. It’s like water, a constantly changing element that will always find a way to get where it needs, flowing like tears and rushing like a waterfall. Emotions and love go hand-in-hand.