Life is a field full of flowers

For over twenty five years I unwittingly became embroiled in relationship problems of a very deep nature. I spent fifteen years being dragged unceremoniously through the Spanish legal system...and maybe right up to today, it continues in my absence.

Well in the last two weeks alone, I have got back to doing what I love the most, writing.

I have been a busy little bee emptying my bucket, going over and over well trodden ground as a victim of two perverse narcissists. So today I decided to turn the page, to re-frame the past, to try to put that all behind me where it belongs.

Those of you who know me well know only too well my journey in the marriage stakes. Three times married, twice divorced, four children, contact with only one of them. Doesn't make for good reading….well actually that's not true, it makes for excellent reading. However, it does not look good for my prospects as marriage material, or does it?

It all depends on how you look at it. And I came to the self same conclusion when I looked at the two acrimonious divorces I had to endure, bad, bad, bad….unless we can say, it depends on how you look at it.

I am clearly mistaken in thinking about not being good marriage material.After ten years alone, de-valuing myself and nursing the wounds and hurts of two failures in the game of love, I happened upon a beautiful woman who appreciated my long and varied life experience. 

Her view is that if two women saw enough in me to marry me and have four children in the first place, then there must have been something desirable in my character that had perhaps been neglected by those two women. 

I have to tell you, my lovely third wife is a very insightful woman, and I really do appreciate that. One thing is for sure after eight years together I am of the opinion that my two previous ex's couldn't hold a candle to this woman. She loves, supports and nurtures me completely. This one is what they call a keeper.

These days I try to take a philosophical view of my past marriage failures. For example, I now try to see those mis-steps as necessary stepping stones to where I am now. Had those two previous marriages not failed, I would not be where I am today, both in terms of my personal growth as well as my marital status.

In terms of personal growth, these days I am a lot more understanding of so many things. Plus, I have fully realised the true value of what is really important. Love, life, health, peace and tranquility, these are the things I now value and strive to maintain.

I have had the highly succesful career, the flashy cars and big house in the best part of town, and it all came tumbling down. And through those material losses, I have also come to realise who my true friends really are.

For far too many people I was a friend with benefits. But when the going got tough they disappeared into thin air like they never really existed at all in the first place. It's like they were a figment of my imagination. To them I now say, if you were not prepared to stick around for the bad times, don't bother turning up for the good ones.

There have been times in my life when I thought I had thousands of friends. How many of those are here with me now? Less than a handful. Not many at all is it? However, those few friends are worth a King's Ransom and I would go to the ends of the earth for them, as I feel they would for me.

Perhaps it is the passing of the years, but whatever it is, I now see far better with my mind than I do with my eyes. Like lots of people I used to see the size of your house, your car, your bank balance as an indication of your success. Not any more, they are signs of your ability to accumulate wealth and nothing more. 

These days I see empathy and humanity as signs of your success as a human being. Integrity and dignity also come into the mix, as well as a well developed set of moral values and a balanced and open minded view of the world and its ways.

And now, having lived for many years in three distinctly different countries, I have discovered the truth of that old saying travel broadens the mind. I have had to learn to adapt to different languages, cultures, social systems and ways to be. And I do believe that that all makes me a better person. I don't mean better than anybody else, I mean better than I used to be before.

Well, the past is long dead and gone, and the future is yet to arrive, and when it does it is not the future, it is the present. And the present is really all any of us can deal with, it is the only thing, if anything, that exists.

I live from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. I live in a very modest apartment with just one bedroom, one living room, a kitchen and a bathroom. We have no garden nor garage. And we are as happy as a couple of kids on the beach with everything we could ever need with just a bucket and spade and a square meter of sand.

Every day we build our sand castles and then the tide comes in and washes them all away, to start afresh with a song and a dance the very next day. Who on earth could want for more?

Life really is a field full of flowers, and today is a beautiful sunny day. Live your life like there is no tomorrow.