Life As I Know It

Poor. Blue Collar. Working Class. Low-Income. In Poverty. Lower Class. Under-privileged. The Needy.

All of these words and phrases I have tried to ignore and brush away my entire life. It has always been understood to me, in some far off corner of my mind, that I belonged to these labels and categories, but I guess in some way I've always glazed over them without ever sitting with them and absorbing their meaning in relation to myself and the rest of the world. Everyone here was poor. So really, how did these labels hold any meaning for me in day to day life?

Socio-economic status is such a lacking way of defining a person. People are so much more than an income or circumstances. And yet, it is the wheel that makes our world go round. It is the crutch of which we rest either our dependencies or our virtues upon.

I guess I've never truly sat with these labels before, because as any of us would, I imagine, I held onto this spark of hope that I might be the one to break the mold and change the narrative. To be the hero or heroine against my odds. I think that's the story we all wish for.

Recently, however, I forged a new friendship that changed all of this for me. This friendship drove the point home more than anything ever had before, and opened my eyes to the universal truth-I am all of those words. Those phrases, when spoken and written are about me and have always been about me, no matter how hard I've tried to dodge it.

My rich friend. I say she is rich, because that is what she feels like to me. At first, I gathered this from her habits, her behaviors, her possessions, her impulse buys without a second thought. She was rich, but she was kind. She was kind and she needed a friend. Those were the first three things I noticed about her. Before I ever knew she was what I would consider, very well off. I then began to know her as very giving, and figured "gifts" must be her love language, which also happens to be mine, and a cruel cross to bear when you live below the poverty line. It seemed as though she was always getting me a little something. Taking a trip and bringing me back several treasures, although I had nothing in return. I started to feel very badly that I could not return the gestures in a way that seemed fitting or as good. I know she did not do it expecting anything in return, but as a fellow gifter, it felt wrong to me not to.

It was the small things that ultimately led to my epiphany and what showed me for the first time in my life where I really stood on the scale. I think it's important to denote some things here- I am an observer by nature. None of these observances have I written in bitterness or resentment. Not all of these are a product from this one friendship either.

-People who don't live in poverty don't even know about things like half-priced drinks through the app at Sonic, because they don't have to know. They can get a drink anytime they want.

-People who don't live in poverty buy an ice cream for each kid instead of getting a large and splitting it between four.

-People who don't live in poverty have never set foot inside an Aldi's grocery.

-People who don't live in poverty aren't selling personal possessions to buy a few Christmas gifts for their kids. They take spur of the moment trips to a town 3 hours away to buy $5000 guitars for their kids, just for the heck of it.

-People who don't live in poverty don't understand that driving half an hour to buy $4/ loaf gluten free, organic bread is an outlandish suggestion for you.

-People who don't live in poverty can complain about "so much clothing" before stating that they are taking it to Goodwill, not realizing that that's where you shop.

-People who don't live in poverty can complain when there's a pandemic that cancelled all their vacations, while secretly, it's the best year you've had in a while, despite multiple illnesses and poor health, because you actually don't feel like you're missing out for once.

-People who don't live in poverty can be upset when their lives and daily routines are disrupted. They can be bothered by the pipes being frozen on one side of the house that has multiple bathrooms, without ever realizing that at one time you had only one running water source for all your needs for over a year.

-People who don't live in poverty laugh what you describe as a comfortable monthly income, stating that they spent that much yesterday.

-People who don't live in poverty don't realize that you see them the same way they see the "rich aunt," with her 3 beach houses and 4 very expensive automobiles.

-People who don't live in poverty don't realize that the fancy name brands don't even strike a cord with you. You've never even heard of such.

-People who don't live in poverty get their hair professionally done on a two week rotation.

-People who don't live in poverty think that a stressful day consists of moving the bedroom furniture around and has people checking in on them because of all they have to do that day.

-People who don't live in poverty complain that they are too poor to buy a used camper, then purchase a brand new one off the lot a week later.

-People who don't live in poverty are afraid of rock bottom.

These are just some of the moments that showed me the world in a whole new way. That there is very large portion of the population who has no idea what my life experience, or anyone like me, is like. They see a label that needs either helped or ridiculed. I am the prototype of what most of the world looks down upon.

I've never spoken any of this aloud. Mostly because I hate the labels. The shame that comes associated with it by those higher on the scale. People feeling sorry for people like me. I don't want any of that. I also don't want to seem like I think badly of these people. I don't want to minimize their struggles, although oftentimes I find them hard to rationalize. But sometimes, I guess you just need to say it aloud.

One thing that I am sure of though, is that I wouldn't trade any of it. I wouldn't trade who this life has made me. I don't have much, material wise. I'll probably never be one of the lucky ones or the heroine. But I have enough.

I will never take for granted having a table for my family to have dinner around, instead of scattered about on the floor.

I have a negative bank account, but I can still read a book to my babies, take a walk, or go on a picnic- because the most meaningful things in life are free.

I will never take for granted a warm fire in the winter or cool air in the summertime.

I will never take for granted enough gas in the tank to get somewhere or a car not in need of repair.

I had one pair of socks most of my youth, but have made sure my children have all that they need.

I hardly ever left my hometown as a child, let alone the state, but my children have seen the beach.

I can make a decent meal for 6 out of anything.

I have the happiest, most fun loving family you could ever meet.

I can stretch $20 farther than you could ever imagine.

I don't have the right to dictate anyone.

I know how to anchor myself in hope.

I've witnessed answered prayers.

I know how to persevere.

I guess, I am okay with "poor" afterall.