Libra

Libra

Let’s start with our supposed strength. Number 1 is Cooperative, and I am very cooperative as long as everyone is willing to do things exactly as I want them. Number 2 diplomatic, oh, that is me to a tee, that’s why I can’t understand why I’ve been fired so much. I mean, on my last job, I am pretty sure that I told my boss he was the biggest idiot I had ever met. After he had turned down an 11,000,000.00 investor that I lined up for him, oh boy, was I diplomatic. I used no foul language when I informed him that with another brain, he’d be a halfwit Number 3. Libras are gracious; I can be every other Sunday as long as there is a bottle of Medoc around. 4.Fair-minded, I want to be fair, but life and GOP don’t give you a lot of slack on that one. Social – Sure, as long as everyone leaves me the f**k alone. So, Let’s hear it for my strong points. Hoora----y!

Now, my weak points. Oh boy, I can feel the needles now. 1. Indecisive – Wrong! I make decisions without giving a second thought. That's why my life has been one ride to hell in a basket. And personally, I wouldn’t have it any other way. 2. Avoid confrontations; wait a minute. That’s a weak point? Hell yeah, not because I am a libra but because I am a black man living in the US who doesn’t want to end up under some cop’s knee saying I can’t breathe. So, yes, I do avoid confrontation, and I hope that it is avoiding me. 3. Will carry a grudge, oh yes, and I have a memory like an elephant I can repeat conversations verbatim as far back as 1964. Are you reading this, daddy, up there or wherever you might? I still haven’t forgotten the time you whipped my butt for trying to stop my sister from beating me to death with her gogo beads that you bought her. You had nerve enough to tell me, "how many times have I told you not to touch your sister," and it was June 6, 1964, it was a Saturday afternoon at Aunt Minnie’s. So, yeah, I do tend to hold a grudge. 4. Self-pity, I don’t have time for it; I want to do too many other things before I die.

Libra likes – This should be interesting. Harmony - what kind of harmony? World harmony (who doesn't like that?) I forgot Adolph Hitler and our ex-president. Harmony in music? Yeah, Do you know someone who likes people singing off-key together? Gentleness, yeah, I am not into sadism; that is true. Sharing – as long as you don’t touch my stuff, you can share anything you like with me. Last but not least, “the great outdoors.” I got one phrase for you; black people don’t camp. I went out into my backyard two weeks ago for ten minutes. That was enough outdoors for me.

Libra dislikes – 1. Violence – isn’t that on some universal list out there? Are there really people who like violence? I mean, why isn’t headlice on the list, for that matter. 2. Injustice – ditto! 3. Loudmouths, you mean like Ne né? Nuf said. Conformity – that’s a tough one because everyone with a tattoo considers himself/herself to be non-conformist, yet damn near everyone’s got a tattoo now, so in that way, I don’t like conformity.

Now, let’s look at the people I am most compatible with. Hmm, Sagittarius and Aries. The Sagittarius thing so far out in left field, I think Mr. Astronomy must like catching fly-balls. My mother and my ex are Sagittariuses and avoid both like an episode of Full-House. But Aries, now I don’t know what it is, but if I really like someone nine times out of ten, they are an Aries. I have to budget for the end of March and the beginning of April due to the number of Aries friends. By mid-April, I’m thinking if I have to sing Happy frigging Birthday one more… And it's not like I go around saying, “Hey, are you, Aries? Wanna be my friend?”

Color – Pink and Green, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah, and I have a princess-themed bedroom with my little ponies all around.

Favorite day – Friday, Please show me the person whose favorite isn’t Friday.