Let The Tears Flow as the Knife Goes In Deeper

You’ve been read the fairy tale stories about love and how Prince Charming will one day whisk you away. The blissful and endless love of admiration. No tales of fights, arguments or anything ugly. The beauty of it all capitivates you and makes you long for that.

One day you are all grown and wake up to dry your eyes to realize that monsters, fallacies, nightmares and bad men exists. You may question was it you that drew all that in and brought the tears, the bruises, the broken heart and endless failed relationships? You realize that wolves are dressed as our fairy tale Prince Charming, until what they really want is revealed. Manipulation, gaslighting, eggshells, a sex object, a woman they view as trash, power and control over you. Your nourishment to their egotistical means of being a man. A way of being used to get to your best friend or some other means.

Before I go further and make this seem like I have something against men, I don’t. I have had my fair share of men who didn’t respect or value women. Not all men are alike. I realize there are millions of men out there and not all are the same. Having been used and manipulated taught me valuable things.

I have had men who wanted to meet with me, to get to know me. The moment they knew of my seizures they stood me up and piled on the excuses. When I was forward with men that I wasn’t going to have sexual relations, they were no longer interested. When I knew we lacked compatibility or we weren’t on the same track in life, rejection led to stalking, obsessing and death threats.

There have been times I wondered why do they love to hurt me? I’m not a perfect woman by no means but I’m very forward and honest with what I want and that I don’t play games. That we are grown adults and I’m not one for drama or revolving doors of men. I have had men tell me those famous words, “I’m sorry I hurt you and I won’t do it again.”

Then the tears flow when I believe them and try to give them a chance believing that people can change.

Telling me I’m done with her but I learn he was in her bed again. Telling me he wants a family with me and yet he knocks up his ex. He asks me to marry him and then after I plan and put so much into it, he makes me look like a fool and embarrass me to say, “You aren’t worthy of marriage.”

You know how he says he will call or text you and you wait like a hopeless fool.

He builds me up full of promises of an amazing life full of love and then rips the masterpiece apart. I’m sure many of you ladies are familiar with so much of this. Possibly men in a reverse role of these scenarios.

With the billions of men out there; some are ugly and others are good hearted. Everyone has a different upbringing and morals. Here is some things I have personally learned myself from the many tears I’ve shared and feeling worthless. If you are tired of crying for someone who isn’t worthy of your tears or time; then here are some things I have done to help make me a stronger and smarter women. To guide me through the battlefield of love. Like your personal compass.

All of this can in some way be flipped to be seen for the males’ perspective.

First thing is to realize that you can’t blame yourself for everything. Take ownership for your wrongs and only your wrongs. Do not sugar coat or make excuses for the other and their actions or behaviors. It’s taking responsibility.

Second, love yourself before you decide to love someone else. Think of it this way. If you don’t love you or want to date you then why would anyone else? Imagine being with yourself twenty-four seven, could you honestly be with you and be happy? If not then think about your partner and how they choose to be with you. Why make it difficult to be with you? If you love yourself first then someone else can love you and you love them. You are suppose to love someone for who they are and not who you want them to be. Do not be with someone you want to mold into someone else or your idea of this ideal great person to be with. It will not work. That’s a recipe for disaster. When being with someone you accept them for everything of their past and present. You are to create a partnership to motivate, encourage, and build each other up. To make each other shine like diamonds.

Third, you love yourself and value yourself enough to set healthy boundaries and never crumble from that. You decide what you want in your life. You decide if you just want to have sex only, no strings and hold your ground. You decide if you want something that will become serious that will lead to marriage. If the other person doesn’t meet with where you want to go in life then why waste your time? You decide if you want to just date around and the both of you be upfront with that. If you want someone to get an STD or (sexually transmitted disease) check before becoming intimate and they refuse, then don’t give in to what they want. It’s your boundaries, your body and your life. You have a right to say yes or no. If you truly value and love yourself then you will stand strong like an oak tree that won’t break even in the worst of storms. You’ll have leaves that will go or change colors but it’s important that your roots remain. That’s how to be stronger, wiser and maybe shed less tears.

I am by no means perfect. I am just a normal person who has felt the pain of loving someone and believing they loved me. Always questioning if any of them ever really loved me. I’ve always had this idea that if you love someone then why do you hurt them or make them cry? I’ve been told there is tough love, first, second and third loves and pain is part of it’s existence. If there isn’t any pain then was it really love? Life is full of questions and mysteries. I wish that fairy tales could be true and it could be this endless happiness but I’m grateful that it’s not. The existence of pain and loving others lets me know my heart still beats and for that I’m grateful as well as my lessons.