Lessons My Little Black Book Taught Me

Zelman, age 16 (his: 14)

“There’s a difference between possible and plausible.”

The guy who is your bf will definitely call you (just about) every day.

The guy who is willing to go on a phone date (last minute change up) sans any explanation whatsoever is either smitten or a keeper. Possibly both.

If a guy shares a dream he had with you do not let him know casually you shared said dream with a gal pal. Or do better yet and don’t share what was confided to you with a gal pal.

Thirteen is a very lucky number.

“Hey look how pretty that sunset is,” is a code boys learn to say to signal “I want to kiss you.”

Joe, age 21 (his: 22)

Never underestimate smut found in the bible, Song of Solomon can be quite…

Confidances can make for one heady kissing session.

Sometimes when you reach to open the door and grab their hand in doing so, that electric touch will push you to do things you’d never imagine doing when you knew your roomie was in her room all along.

Never underestimate a damn good make-out session.

Vagina Monologues – why hasn’t anybody ever tried creating a French Tickler is beyond me.

Fun times don’t always correlate to being the one with the guy at the end of the day.

Some guys just plum ain’t worth the trouble.

Fun times sometimes are precisely that.

Tis fun to let the guy believe you birthed a teenager… he don’t need to hear the details. Great way to get some petty revenge when you spy him with his wife at the wedding of a mutual friend.

MTL, age 22 (his: 24)

Beware the guy who doesn’t hold your hand in public.

The guy who laughs with his entire body still has access to his inner child.

When the Samantha to your Carrie informs you that you are in fact the sane one here, something is very very wrong.

Nothing beats being on night watch. Better yet, nothing beats hearing the guy snow when you’re on night watch and you finally can breathe easy knowing he won’t choke on his own vomit.

Be cautious of a Marine with a kill book.

Always have a gal pal (or three) know where you are, especially when you’re spending the night with a new bloke and especially when you’ve lost your cell phone (& keys too).

The guy who proclaims that he’s got an extra room with a lock that you can use should you choose to do so is sexy as hell.

Snow. Snow can make all the difference. Near death can do the same.

Skateboarder dude, age 23 (his: late 20s/early 30s?)

When a thirtysomething someone tells you they’ve got a couple thousand in the bank in savings and they want to help you out with something (that would cost approx. $125), say yes.

Not every bloke (or person for that matter) will see what you see when, to your minds eye, you’re playing a child’s game of make-believe/improv with a fencepost/stick outside an Arts building.

Something to be said about being one of a small handful of folks on campus, not to be dismissed.

The guy who asks you if this guy you last kissed is seriously worth it… he’s miffed but he’s also in awe of your loyalty.

Ben, age 23 (his: 31)

Beware the guy who cannot make up his mind between “doing this thing to welcome you home” and giving you all the grief in the world for “planting your flag.”

Mixed signals be no joke.

He who laughs nonstop and is always on can be the most genuine affectionate and caring behind closed doors.

Books borrowed during when ya’ll were dating become your property when ties finally be broken.

Mr. Congeniality and Beloved By All will drag your name through the muck and dirt when things finally end. It will take a good gal pal no less than 8 years to finally befriend you once again on social media. & believe it or not, it’s seriously not personal.

He who helps me with my training for my Self Defense Final will in fact not take it personal when I by “oops” knee him in the family jewels. Albeit sheltering his tears from nosy bystanders is good girlfriend juju in the making.

“Just say yes.”

Never underestimate the power of a bulls eye on bare skin. Also value the woman who got thrown into applying body paint above the guy who sometimes wants to kiss you while his friend is shooting a nerf gun at targets (said bulls eye above mentioned).

Be a badass when it comes to paintball.

Beware when a guy proclaims still being interested in an ex, or loving something simply cause an ex did that particular something.

Things you do against yourself is more heinous than anything you could ever do against another person or entity.

Never underestimate the power of a chocolate-banana milkshake.

Some will have cats that you will fall head over heels for more than you ever did them. This is quite natural.

Clearly the only way chivalry still exists for stubborn Damn Yankees is to demand that it is allowed.

J.M., age 23 (his: 25?)

The bloke who is still standing talking to you in a parking lot that has since cleared out for no less than 45 min is definitely beyond smitten.

Discussing parameters in the same easy conversational style denotes a great deal of good things.

Cherish the dude who doesn’t give you all the grief in the world over ink splotches all over your dress and face but instead directs you to the shower and hands you a towel.

Whomever was the guy you last kissed – he’s ancient history, girl. Time to move the f on. (plus 8/10 that guy is a total ass and not worth misguided sense of loyalty).

The guy who doesn’t hide who you are when you surprise him and his work buddy is definitely a keeper. At least one of the good ones.

So is the guy who greets you with a glass of wine. Said glass being one that he sought to make certain you got an option to pick.

Thai food is amazing.

McGowan, age 28 (his: 42)

Crazy things happen at a campground in nowhere Kansas.

Good sex exists. Good sex on a regular basis is even better.

PBR only tastes amazing when it’s in the 90’s and you’re camping.

The guy who cannot handle figuring out how to do x when both of ya’ll are sitting on the same level is clueless.

Some will plum never make you a priority. Yet they will take offense when you walk away without any attempt at explanation.

Short lived affairs are the best antidote to surviving the death of a parent.

It is truly awesome when someone picks your brain for ideas on how to keep kids cool and entertained during the hot summer months.

M.G., age 28 (his: 32)

Beatles cover band for a first date meshes very well. Songs like “I want to hold your hand,” jives very well with new smitten kinda first date feelings.

Do not underestimate the guy who will grab your hand and dance with you in the middle of the walkway.

Midwest is definitely a decade and half behind the coasts. Hello 90s fun.

Meeting a guy’s coworkers (and her polycule) is easily one of the best things ever.

Considering that the above mentioned item was more enjoyable on the whole than hanging out with him, this may be a foreshadowing of sorts.

Shoes make for good cupholders. (This I already knew but t was nice to see someone else being resourceful like this.)

Just cause the first date was amazing and good does not mean a thing. Focus on what is going on in the here and now. Be realistic.

You want to be a priority in his life yet you will not make him one in yours.

Do meet up as close to on time as possible for a breakfast date that you planned.

Ultimatums will kill a romance that never got off the ground.

J.M., age 31 (his: 35)

It is nearly impossible to shove the kerosene back into the lighter.

Nothing like a pandemic to showcase with a heavy highlighter all the ways things were never ideal and all the bandaids that never actually fixed a thing.

Crisis mode for far too many years can kill a lot of the good.

Leaning on one person for too much will be bad for the soul, bad for the body, and bad for thyself.

When you no longer have someone’s voice in your mind pushing you to do better, your own inner voice can finally be heard for the first time in thirty something years.

If the friendship is strong enough, not even a severe lack of trust can sever ties for good.

Wounds cut deep and some wounds never fully go away.

“Nobody can never alter your self-worth, not even he who told you so.”

Respect is paramount.

The reverence in which you treat someone you respect and appreciate an beloved act of service.

Plot Twist…

Crowd funded by the true soul mates,

R.K., A.H., M.H., N.M, T.E.

“Keep your morals low and your standards high.”

“Don’t do a thing I wouldn’t do” – so everything is on the table? Aye. Yes.

The gal pal who asked you to go with her to get a piercing in a particular spot, simply cause she knew you wouldn’t shame her nor judge her.

“You’ve always believed in me and been there for me when I need it the most. It’s time I returned the favor.”

“You’re my soul mate. Love forever and ever and ever.”

“I know by feel.”

“I’ve got a lighter and a tea kettle that works. Please join us.”

“Every person you meet you meet them twice.”

Who would’ve thunk between the five of them… $20,000 came rolling in when my world turned upside down and inside out just at the moment when I quit worrying about the rug being pulled out from ‘neath my bare feet (even after all these decades). It was enough to rebuild. Rebuild anew and stronger than ever before. I took all the lessons learned from my little black book and shared the knowledge garnered through heartache and bristled pride unto clueless teenagers filled with false bravado, facades picked up from former foster homes. These five ladies knew my innermost dreams and helped me finance something that had always seemed like a pipe dream. A place where girls and boys, more oft than not lost and forgotten by the system, let down time and time and time and time and time again by social workers that had been burdened by never-ending caseloads could find more than mere safe harbor from the elements but a safe haven solace for their weary spirits. These ladies knew that I had a soft spot for teenagers, especially those considered lost and forgotten and of “nobody’s business.” It wasn’t enough that I had taught high school shop class. Oh no. foster mama here I come. A lifelong dream that could’ve never become reality without… a crash course in learning by experiences, a flat refusal to remain jaded for too long… and the knowledge that the blokes were just along for the ride for however long they were meant, but the chicas? They were for the long haul.